Thoughts and Ramblings

[tentacledix]

i can’t wait to still be followed by 38493790243 porn bots after december 17th because tumblr has never competently implemented anything before

[princesscheeto]

On a roll 🙃

[retail-truestory]

If you’re shopping on Thanksgiving

PLEASE DO NOT SAY “I’M SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO WORK TODAY

Stores shouldn’t be open on Thanksgiving. But we are because people like you decide to shop last second. Don’t remind us that we should be home with our fmailies when we’re catering to you instead because you tried to beat the crowds and shop last second or because you forgot stuff. Personally, I just don’t need to hear it. I offered to work on Thanksgiving. I have no time constraints that day. I wanted the extra money. I anticpate a busy day and wanted to help out. But not everyone else is like that. Almost every other retail worker has to work because you’re out shopping and they’re not allowed to take off. Whether it’s Thanksgiving afternoon or Thanksgiving night with Black Friday sales, they have to be there. You don’t. So please, please, PLEASE do not rub it in their faces that they have to be working. And if you not only say, "I’m so sorry you have to work today” AND are mean to them or give them a hard time, then you’re even worse. It’s bad enough retail workers have to work when they shouldn’t for YOU. Don’t be a jerk and make things worse or more difficult for them. This has been a Retail PSA.

[avatarstateyipyip]

gps: pronounces one (1) street name wrong

every person in the car:

[pirateliz]

@azentrefle

[memescomedy]

[unpretty]

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

[dr-hollands-deactivated20190209]

I’m sorry what

[unpretty]

you heard me

[unpretty]

[elkian]

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

[fiskeorn-deactivated20180416]

@genericrevenge

[son-of-maglor]

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

[unpretty]

kinda, yeah

[renthebarbarian]

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

[gregorydickens]

That logo looks familiar.

[unpretty]

WHAT

OH MY GOD

[sylveonce]

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

My wife and I were were talking the other day and, I don’t remember what we were even talking about, but the idea came up that we would need an oreo for. I joked about getting one from my secret stash. This is where she made her mistake. She said “oh right, like you could have an Oreo stash without me knowing about it.”

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

But be sure to follow this post while I chronicle all the ways and places I hide them and also how I plan on taunting her with cookies while she can’t find the package

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

She is out of the house for a moment so it’s time to enjoy a few cookies

And find a new hiding spot

Hehehe

They up there

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Normally I’m a Oreos with milk kinda guy, but I’ll take coffee if coffee is available

Now to hide them right under her nose

She never looks under the TV for anything. Tonight when we are watching Halloween Wars I’ll have a big dopey grin on my face

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Time to up the stakes. It was fun having em here and hiding them around her while she didn’t know what was happening. Bit now it’s time for her to be in on the game she is playing

Four cookies packed in her lunch. Game on

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

I’ve been cleaning house today and feeling like I’ve done a pretty good job. Time to reward myself with some delicious Oreos

Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years

:)

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Got up early this morning and helped pack everyone’s lunch. Pulling a damn Oprah over here

You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!

Then a devious idea struck me…

I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…

And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

[kittyinhighheels]

If you two weren’t already married I’d beg you to marry her because you two are obviously perfect for each other and I love this post with all my heart

[masterofthenightscape]

This guy’s dopey grin at his success at hiding oreos is exactly what I’m here for

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

You like that eh? Well you are going to love today’s installment

Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left

Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there

Oh, guess I should put this back up

Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.

But then I looked again. They dooooo

Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y'all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop

And, as promised, a dopey grin

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Twasnt easy to get the stupid video to load. But I got it and I recommend giving it a watch here: http://keepcalmandcarrieunderwood.tumblr.com/post/179330357103

She is so happy that the Oreo Saga continues. Just look at how happy she is

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Came home to find this

But she never looked inside the blue chair

Good stuff, but it’s time for some cookies

Gotta have some while I think about where these guys are going next

Hmmmmm

Got it.

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Ohmygosh oh. my. gosh. You guys. Near disaster. Check this shiz out:

Wife and I were sewing Elly’s Halloween costume up

Yea, she is going to be a spider and it’s super cute and all but. But. Loooook

Holy actual shit the Oreos fell out from the table literally next to her.

The moment she got up I threw them into the closet

Also:shout out to whoever it was that lost a follower for this post

Sry bout that eh.

[samael-has-arrived]

This is glorious and I’m so damn happy this is still going.

[keepingcalmisoverratedgoddamnit]

My god I need to see where else they are hidden. You are a genius sir

[unpretty]

there is no higher form of literature than olde-ass europeans trying to explain the skunk

[unpretty]

“The other is a low animal, about the size of a little dog or cat.  I mention it here, not on account of its excellence, but to make of it a symbol of sin.  I have seen three or four of them.  It has black fur, quite beautiful and shining; and has upon its back two perfectly white stripes, which join near the neck and tail, making an oval which adds greatly to their grace.  The tail is bushy and [163] well furnished with hair, like the tail of a Fox; it carries it curled back like that of a Squirrel.  It is more white than black; and, at the first glance, you would say, especially when it walks, that it ought to be called Jupiter’s little dog.  But it is so stinking, and casts so foul an odor, that it is unworthy of being called the dog of Pluto.  No sewer ever smelled so bad.  I would not have believed it if I had not smelled it myself.  Your heart almost fails you when you approach the animal; two have been killed in our court, and several days afterward there was such a dreadful odor throughout our house that we could not endure it.  I believe the sin smelled by sainte Catherine de Sienne must have had the same vile odor.”

– some jesuit missionary in like 1635

[asterein]

Keep going!

Also, click the image! It’s transparent!

[zahliailhaz]

Magic

[corvidcantina]

Me: I want to know languages

Person: then study

Me: no study. Only know.

[firesuns-archive]

me thinking about how it’s almost autumn and how im gonna be thriving and baking pumpkin bread for all my friends and wearing cozy socks with ghosts on them

[adeles]

Wanda Maximoff’s holding back Thanos with one hand while having an emotional breakdown for having to kill her boyfriend and destroying an infinity stone with the other hand all at the same time… She IS the most powerful avenger.

[marvelgifs]

[coquetrys-blog]

remember when dash drama looked like this

[ratzenbeco]

[dappyhappy]

JUST LET ME BE.

[the-little-ladybug-that-could]

Reblog if you are an asexual positive blog, believe asexuals exist, and are willing and able to create a safe space for your asexual friends

[lunaisace]

As an Asexual myself, YES

[sixpenceee]

I hope love finds you in 2018

[nvmdanyway]

I hope health finds u in 2018

[rosedespleurs-deactivated202009]

I hope wealth finds you in 2018

[dark-eyed-harmothoe]

I hope happiness finds you in 2018

[traumamamas]

I hope success finds you in 2018

[sleepingpeelz]

I hope self-love finds you in 2018

[greenneerg123-deactivated201804]

I hope supportive people find you in 2018

[doesnt-evenmatter-deactivated20]

I hope all the dogs find you in 2018

[fandomsrourlives]

I hope good grades find you in 2018

[everi-moved]

I hope validation finds you in 2018

[thewillowtree3]

I hope inner peace finds you in 2018

[redable-red]

I hope motivations finds you in 2018

[agent-symmetra]

I hope harmony finds you in 2018

[agent-zenyatta]

I hope luck finds you in 2018

[trust-me-im-satan]

owning a cat is hearing things crash during the night and deciding its a problem for tomorrow you