Saw The Fire, Felt The Flames | Billy Hargrove
Billy Hargrove finally had a good thing, but his destructive habits always seemed to find a way to leave him empty-handed.
A/N: As always, I do not support abusive/toxic relationships whether it be physical or emotional.Â
Warnings: Domestic Violence
Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Harrington!Female Reader
He couldnât feel his legs. He couldnât feel the sting of the winter air on his bare arms or the way it made the hair on them stand on end. He felt numb as if the emptiness inside of him had tripled in size overnight, consuming him until he was just a void. The only thing he felt was the helplessness that left him questioning every moment of his life as his stomach churned. For a moment he thought he might become physically ill right there on his own front lawn even though he hadnât eaten in days.
He didnât even feel the way Max tugged at him, begging him to come inside. He couldnât hear his fatherâs yells, threatening to beat his head in if he didnât come inside.
Today was the day. This day wasnât supposed to happen. It was the opposite of what he wanted, the complete opposite of what he had planned when it came to thinking of his future.
He felt detached from his own body as he watched your family load the back of your fatherâs car with boxes of your belongings.
Billy had dreaded this moment all week since the moment your last name was called right after his, your teacher assigning partners for yet another collaborative essay. He was at his wits end with Mr. Haroldâs need to have his students socialize but hearing your name out of the other twenty possible ones actually made his annoyance reach new levels that even he wasnât aware he was capable of. He contemplated not showing up and simply leaving you to do all the work but had decided against it at the last second. He may have been a complete dick but he was never one to let others do the work for him.
âYou know. youâre not all that bad, Harrington.â He exhaled, the smoke from his cigarette reaching your face. He enjoyed the way your nose crinkled up at the smell and was slightly surprised at your lack of complaint about it. Your hand simply waved the smoke away, your eyes not bothering to stray from the books in front of you.
âIs that so?â you replied, unimpressed at his approval. His rivalry with your twin brother was no secret and youâd all but rolled your eyes whenever you saw the two bickering like a married couple. Unlike both boys, you didnât care much about your status in the high school hierarchy. His opinion was something that held little meaning to you at the end of the day.
âMuch better than your brother,â he added with a grin. He paused for a moment as he raked over your features, subconsciously tracing each curve into his memory. âWhatâs up with that anyway? I thought you were twins but you donât look alike.â
âWeâre fraternal twins,â you answered, having explained that to just about everyone in school at some point. It had become a mechanical response- one you wished more people understood.
âMakes sense. I was just about to say that you mustâve robbed all his beauty while in the womb, with you looking like you do.â He watched you intently, eager to see how you would respond to his flirtations. He normally wouldâve looked the other way at the mention of your last name but now that heâd actually met the other Harrington, he found himself much more inclined to have some fun. Besides, sleeping with you was sure to set Steve off.
âFunny,â was your reply as you continued to write your conclusion to the essay. Billy had surprised you and actually delivered his half of the work, revealing that his intellect was actually there despite his brutish nature. Heâd shown up with the work already more than halfway done and had spent the past hour badgering you, asking you questions that were more personal than you were willing to share.
He asked about everything. What it was like to be privileged financially. What your hobbies were. How many boyfriends youâd had and even how many times youâd had sex.
âReally?â he asked, intrigued by the fact you were a virgin and at your lack of shame about it. Most girls were shy about the subject, either refusing to answer or giving him a high number of lays they had just to try and impress him. The latter never worked since their inexperience would be revealed the second they were beneath him. You, however, had answered honestly, not even once blinking at the question. You hadnât slept with anyone yet. He didnât expect that. He figured surely someone like you wouldâve at least done it twice by now. âDo you want to?â
The incredulous look you shot him ruffled his amusement. His eyes sparkled with mischief at the scoff you gave. He chuckled, bringing his cigarette to his lips again.
âI was just offering, babe.â
His questions continued, ranging from innocent topics like your favorite films to much more controversial ones such as masturbation. He eventually drew answers out of you if only to buy a moment of silence in order to focus.
By the end of the night, you were all Billy could think about.
âBilly! Billy!â Max urged, her small hands pulling at his t-shirt. He instinctively pushed her off, her thin frame collapsing onto the soft snow covered ground with force.
âShit. Iâm sorry,â he apologized as he realized what he had done. The redhead stood with an indignant look on her face, brushing away the hand he had extended towards her.
âThings like this are why she left,â she commented, her eyes fierce as she stared at Billy and then towards your home. âAnd now sheâll be gone for good.â
Billy bit his tongue at her harsh truths. He scowled, focusing his glare on the ground beneath his feet.
With a roll of her eyes, Max rushed back inside the house to escape the cold weather, giving up on knocking any sense into her older brother.
Billy had only ever known love in the form of his mother. In her soft touches and sweet voice that sang him lullabies and lured him to sleep. He knew it in the form of hugs and noisy kisses that mothers smother their sons in when theyâre young and starry-eyed, eager to know the world.
He had never known love romantically in another person. Had he broken a few hearts? Of course, and a few was an understatement. Girls loved Billy but he never seemed to love them back.
He didnât expect to love you. That thought never even crossed his mind the first time he picked you up, smugly waving at Steve who scowled from the front porch as he watched his arch enemy drive off with his sister. You were meant to be fun, some entertainment on the weekends when he had nothing better to do. How he found himself wrapped around your finger, heâd never know, but it wasnât something he regretted.
His arm wrapped tighter around your waist when you stirred, a small yawn escaping as you woke. Your head tilted upward, your cheek resting on his naked chest as a sleepy smile graced your lips. Last nightâs makeup was smudged and yet somehow gave you a sultry look as the black that rimmed your eyes only made them stand out more. Billy took a mental picture as the light trickled in, illuminating your skin in a soft glow. There were few girls heâd ever bothered to stay the night with and even fewer that were invited to his own personal bed.
âGood morning,â you greeted, happy to find yourself in a warm bed with Billyâs body as a pillow. He was more comfortable than he looked and his chest had soon become your favorite place to lay your head. He never complained about the position. Holding you in his arms gave him a sense of peace he never had before and he wasnât in any rush to lose it. He chuckled as your eyes closed again, sleep tempting you back into its arms like it always did.
âMorning, sleepyhead,â he grinned, simultaneously leaning down and tilting your chin up in order to place a firm kiss on your lips. It was enough to fully wake you as you attempted to stretch, your body still held hostage in Billyâs arms. He was always reluctant to let you go in the mornings, his body yearning for yours the second you pulled away.
âTodayâs the day,â you sang, successfully freeing yourself from his hold in order to sit up and properly stretch. The moan that left your mouth was like music to his ears as you shook your muscles out, relaxing the tension that had set in during the night. Billy reached for a cigarette and lit it up, his eyes on your naked back as your arms stretched towards the ceiling. He could still see the faint bite marks on your shoulders where he had shown you some of his love and the way your body curved brought back some erotic memories. His hand reached out and lightly traced lines down your back, the feeling of your skin beneath his fingertips one of lifeâs simple pleasures.
âTell me again why you guys are moving into my shitty street?â he asked, still unconvinced as to why a family with money would be moving to a house in a less than attractive neighborhood. He had been ecstatic when youâd announced youâd be living a few houses away but had given you nothing more than a smile, determined to not let his lovesickness show through. Youâd caught the spark in his eyes though and knew he was just as excited as you were to be so close.
âDad says we need to cut back. Itâs cheaper,â you replied with a shrug. You pushed your hair behind your shoulders, revealing your neck as you looked back at him. A sense of satisfaction ran through him as he noticed the hickies heâd left the night before, the red spots like fluttering butterflies on your delicate skin. âIâll be right across from you. Youâll get to see my pretty face whenever you want.â
Your confidence was refreshing. You were exactly what he wanted and he knew you were well aware of it.
You were also well aware that he was a risk himself, being dubbed âbad news Billyâ by the many girls who pursued him only to be left alone in bed in the middle of the night. Heâd overheard various students talk amongst themselves, speaking of the way youâd waved all their warnings about him away. You were more than happy to pursue a relationship with the townâs âbad boyâ and he found your recklessness charming. He always did love a girl who knew what she wanted.
Just like Billy, you hadnât expected to find yourself in love. Fun was what you had in mind despite everyone around you advising against it. Instead, youâd found that you didnât want to wake up alone in bed and heâd found he didnât want to leave. Much to everyoneâs surprise, the two of you actually held a committed relationship to each other.
âYou, Iâm excited about,â he pulled her back into his arms, his hand trailing up to give your exposed breast a cheeky squeeze. âYour brother, on the other handâŚâ
âYou both promised youâd play nice,â you reminded. He made a face at the memory of being sat down next to Steve and having to be civil. That was your only wish in the relationship, that the two of them would at least make the effort to get along. At the end of the conversation, they had agreed to be civil, which meant more along the lines of ignoring each otherâs existence. It was something that worked for both boys.
âI know,â he sighed. His eyes lit up as he thought about the future situation in more detail. âNow I can sneak into your room without having to drive.â
You laughed, Billyâs lips crashing into yours the moment the beautiful sound left your lips.
âYouâre lucky theyâre not suing us!â Neil screamed from the front porch, the vein on his forehead throbbing as his irritation with his son grew. âGet your stupid ass inside!â
Billy ignored his fatherâs yells. He needed to see you. His hands needed to hold you close. He needed to kiss you, to feel your skin on his. He watched your front door intently, waiting for you to step out but the minutes seemed to trickle by without you ever appearing.
âWhy do you do this to me?â
He stilled at the crack in your voice, your tears flowing like a river down your face. You shook, a mixture of both the cold autumn air and the sadness that coursed through you.
âIâŚâ he trailed off, unsure of how to even justify his actions.
He had done what he always did. He always found a way to ruin a good day, to fuck up a good night or simply pick a fight. His jealousy had flared the second an unknown boy had said hi to you at the movie theater. The entire movie he pulled away from you, refusing to hold your hand or even meet your confused gaze. His accusations flew from his mouth the moment the two of you were alone in his car. You were cheating on him. You were nothing but another stupid whore.
He knew that wasnât true but he couldnât take his words back now. They had hurt you, the very thought that he would believe you capable of being unfaithful like a stab to your heart.
âBabe, Iâm sorry. I didnât mean it,â he apologized, his hands reaching out to touch you. The way you moved away, your body leaning towards the door as if trying to escape his presence nearly broke his heart in two.
âPlease just take me home.â Your voice was barely above a whisper as if the argument had drained all the life from you. He frowned, his mind struggling to simply let you go when you were in such a state.
âY/N, please,â he begged, âI didnât mean it. I love you. I fucking love you more than anything and I canât live with myself if I leave you like this.â
âYouâve left me like this before,â you replied, a hint of contempt seeping into the statement. He sighed deeply knowing you were right.Â
âI love you,â he repeated, his hand reaching for yours. He held it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the soft skin. âI love you.â
You sighed deeply, your breath shaky as you pushed your hair out of your face with your free hand. You nodded, letting him know that you heard him.
âYou love me too, donât you?â His voice was soft now, almost scared that he had pushed you too far. You nodded again, finally finding your voice.
âOf course. And you donât deserve it, just so you know. I could be out fucking millionaires and living on the beach so donât get too comfortable.â
He grinned at the bite that returned to your voice. One look at you and he could already see your sadness subsiding, a small grin on your face as you joked about finding a sugar daddy to replace him.
âI know, doll. Trust me, I know.â
He felt his heart stop when he caught sight of you through the window. You were walking around, a cardboard box in your arms as you threw in the last of the living room trinkets. His thoughts begged for you to come out already. He needed to look at you, to talk to you. He didnât think he could live without hearing your voice.
âY/N?â Steve called out as he saw you rush past in the hallway. There was something different about the way you came in. He was used to you rushing past, eager to lock yourself in the bathroom to straighten yourself out after a bout of passionate lovemaking in the back of Billyâs car. It was something Steve usually ignored if only to preserve some sanity for himself. Except this time he noticed the glistening on your skin.
âY/N?â he called again as he followed you to your room. You sat at the edge of your bed, facing the wall and refusing to look at him. âSis, what happened?â
You simply shook your head, unable to form any words. A deep frown set onto his face. You were twins and while he didnât like Billy, he had respected your choice to be with him. He hated the boy, he hated the way heâd often have to comfort you after his ridiculous mood swings that led to unnecessary fights. But he was accustomed to that and you were usually more open about what happened. You would always share, explaining the story and crying in his arms as your brother comforted you. Your lack of speech tonight worried him.
âY/N, come on. You can talk to m-â he froze as he came to stand in front of you. He eyed the way you covered half of your face with your hand. âY/N, whatâŚâ
He kneeled and gently pried your hand away, revealing a forming bruise just underneath your eye. You broke down at the sharp intake of his breath, knowing that Billy had crossed a line this time around. Steve immediately wrapped you in his arms, letting you cry to your heartâs desire.
âBilly.â Max had reappeared, her face different now as she watched her brother stare with longing. She knew you and the way you had changed Billy for the better. She had seen the way Billy had gone from singing songs about hating the world to songs about being in love. She had seen the change and a part of her heart broke knowing that what awaited her brother was nothing but heartache. âYou canât change this.â
âWhat if I can?â he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He turned towards her, tears glistening in his eyes. âI canât believe I fucked this up this badly.â
She felt her heart shatter at the tears that began to run down his face. He quickly wiped at them, unwilling to show weakness and yet his body tearing itself apart from the pain. She wrapped her arms around his torso in what she hoped was a comforting hug. It was the only thing she had to offer.
âYou donât deserve her,â Steve snarled at him the second Billy stepped out of his Camaro. His anger was real as he pushed Billy against the car, ignoring the way the students around them drew closer to what they anticipated would be a huge fight.
âGet your hands off of me, Harrington!â Billy was immediately on offense, his anger flaring at being pushed around so publicly. Of course he knew what Steve was talking about. He had gone too far, had made things too violent in a haze of anger and alcohol. He had never meant to lay a hand on you but he had done it nonetheless. He deserved the nasty things Steve was currently yelling at him but he was well aware of the growing crowd around them.
âYou fucking asshole! You piece of shit!â Steve was screaming as he lunged at him, the force behind his fists fueled by the need to protect his sister. Billy understood his anger. He would act the same way if anyone laid a hand on Max, but his pride was swelling at the thought of publicly losing to Steve Harrington in a fight. He would never live that down.
âCalm down, Harrington,â he spat, pushing the boy farther away from him. He couldnât fight him. He was already trying to figure out a way to make it up to you, to convince you that he wasnât just a boy with no control. Fighting Steve would only make things worse, he knew that. Steve refused to back down as he thought of the bruise on your face, something so ugly you had begged to stay home from school in order to avoid the humiliation.
Steveâs fist made contact with his face, setting off what would be the worst school fight in Hawkins High history.
He held on tightly to Max for a moment, allowing himself to accept her hug. He had learned to value the good people around him and his anger towards Max had subsided around the same time you had stepped foot into his life. His sister was kindhearted and she didnât need to comfort him the way she was doing. He gently patted her head and sighed.
âGo in before my dad gets mad at you too.â
âYou need to come in,â Max stated with a worried frown. âHeâs minutes away from beating you right here in front of everyone.â
âI canât come in. Not yet.â
He was waiting in his Camaro for hours, hoping that by hiding in his car you wouldnât see him and immediately run away. He watched every car that passed by like a hawk, hoping that youâd be in one of them as his need to speak to you grew with every passing day. He needed to see you, to explain what had happened. He couldnât leave things like that.
It was nearly night time when you appeared, hopping out of a car driven by a girl he only recognized from afar. She was your friend but heâd never bothered to listen to you enough to learn her name, something he now recognized as a sign of being a shitty boyfriend. He hadnât given you the attention you deserved while he had you. He got out of his car as soon as she sped away, his feet moving faster than he thought possible.
âY/N,â he called out as you reached your door. âWe need to talk.â
âThereâs nothing to talk about.â Your reply was cold, lacking the usual warmth your voice held whenever you spoke to him. âGo home, Billy.â
âNo,â he insisted, âwe need to talk.â
The way you swiveled around with such ferocity made him stumble back, his foot hitting a rock and making him nearly fall. He balanced himself, his eyes widening as he looked at you for the first time in a week. The dark purple skin on your cheek was foreign, something heâd only ever seen on the boys who dared to cross him. The fact the vile color was on you, on your delicate skin that had never had anything other than an occasional pimple defile it made him sick to his stomach. Â
âYou put my brother in the hospital,â you hissed, the sound of your voice laced with nothing but anger.
âI didnât mean to,â he knew nothing he said would change what he had done. The fight had escalated as Steveâs fury fueled him, his punches harder than even Billy was accustomed to receiving. He had been forced to strike back with equal force in fear of losing his alpha status, something he now realized was nothing if it meant losing you
âDidnât mean to? You put Steve in a fucking coma!â you yelled, your anger boiling up. You had gone for so long defending him to everyone, excusing his shitty behavior because you loved him. But this was too much. âI donât ever want to see you again.â
âNo! I refuse to let you just walk out of my life!â He was yelling now, the desperation in his voice evident as he took a step closer. âYouâre the best thing I have.â
âHad,â you corrected. Your arms folded across your chest as you took a step back and put more distance between you. âIt doesnât matter. Weâre leaving anyway.â
âWhat are you talking about?â
âWeâre leaving. My dad decided this move was a bad one. He doesnât want Steve living in a town with a savage like you. Weâre moving to New York.â
âWhat?â he was struggling to understand. You couldnât move away. He would never see you again and that wasnât something he was willing to do. âYou canât.â
âI am, Billy. Weâre leaving. Thereâs nothing you can do about it.â
You turned and swung your front door open, stopping only when Billy spoke again.
âWhen?â His voice was small, like a man who had been reduced to just a ghost of himself.
âTwo weeks?!â Billy was panicking now. No, there had to be something he could do. There had to be a way to make you stay by his side. He would talk to your father, he would find the way to scrape up enough money to cover Steveâs hospital bill.
âTwo weeks,â you repeated. âGoodbye, Billy.â
He felt his heart shatter as you shut the door behind you. He stared at the wooden door before his feet moved without his permission. Before he knew it his fists were pounding against the wooden frame, calling to you to open the door.
âBilly!â You yelled as you pulled the door open. You were lucky you were home alone, your parents staying at the hospital with Steve while you came home to shower. âStop!â
âNo! I love you! And I know you love me!â He was near tears now as a knot built in his throat, choking his words. âYou love me.â
âYouâre right,â you replied, your eyes brimming with tears. âI do love you. But that doesnât mean this is right. That doesnât mean youâre whatâs best for me.â
âPlease,â he begged, falling to his knees in a way he had never done before. His arms wrapped around you, his face burying into your stomach. You wiped at the tears that ran down your cheeks as you watched Billy be reduced to someone you didnât recognize. âPlease donât do this.â
âYou did this,â You responded shakily, prying his arms off of you. His eyes were bloodshot as you stepped back, leaving him on his knees on your front porch. âIâm sorry, Billy.â
He felt his heart rip out of his chest as you shut the door again. His pained cries filled the night air, the sound enough to haunt the entire neighborhood.
This was it. He held his breath as he watched you wheel Steve outside in a wheelchair, his body still not completely healed enough to support him. He glanced at Billy as you and your father helped him up, a blank look in his eyes before disappearing into the back of the car.
Billy found himself rooted to the floor, his legs becoming bricks and refusing to move. He watched as you folded up the wheelchair and placed it into the trunk, closing the car after everything had been finally loaded. You turned and caught sight of him standing across the street.
No words were said as you both locked eyes, looks of yearning and pain passing through you both. Neither could muster up anything as the knots in your throats grew. This was the end and you had already accepted it.
When you turned it was like something clicked and he found his voice again.
âI love you,â he called out, loud enough for you to hear. You stopped just as you were about to get into the car, your head turning back to look at him. He noticed the way your eyes were turning red, a sign that you were near tears.
All you could do was nod in his direction. You couldnât speak without completely breaking down and now was not the time for it. Not when your parents and brother were waiting for you in the car.
You didnât have to say it. He knew you loved him back. He could see it in your eyes as you nodded again, struggling to push back the fountain of tears that had been building. Instead, you took a deep breath and hopped into the car, Steveâs hand reaching for yours to offer some comfort as you closed the door behind you.
That was the last time Billy ever saw you.
