The Practice of Self-Reflection
When we look in the mirror, the one thing we don’t want to see is an ordinary human being. We would like to see someone special. Whether we are conscious of this or not, we are simply not content to see an ordinary human being with neuroses, obstacles, and problems.
We want to see a happy person, but instead we see someone who is struggling. We want to think of ourselves as compassionate, but instead we see someone who is selfish. We long to be elegant, but our arrogance makes us crass. And instead of a strong or immortal person, we see someone who is vulnerable to the four streams of birth, old age, sickness, and death. The conflict between what we see and what we want to see causes tremendous pain.
The Pain of Self-Importance
We are imprisoned in this pain by a sense of specialness, of self-importance. Self-importance is the underlying clinging we have to “I, I, I, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine,” which colors all of our experience. If we look closely, we find a strong element of self-importance in everything we think, say, and do. “How can I feel good? What will others think? What will I gain? What will I lose?” These questions are all rooted in our self-importance. Even our feeling of not measuring up to who we think we should be is a form of self-importance.
We like to see ourselves as strong and in control, but we are more like a fragile eggshell that is easily broken. This makes us feel deeply vulnerable - and not in a good way. The vulnerable self requires protection, armoring, the gathering of forces and the construction of walls. As a result we become fearful of relaxing with things as they are and increasingly uncertain that anything will work out the way we would like.
It takes courage to go beyond self-importance and see who we really are - but this is our path. The point of all Buddhist teachings - formal or informal - is to reduce self-importance and make room for the truth. This process begins with self-reflection.’
- Dzigar Kongtrul, It’s Up to You, The Practice of Self-Reflection on the Buddhist Path.
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