He remainedquiet the entire time Eita tok to calm himself before the setter spoke again, andhe continued to stay quiet. All attention on him. On the soft hands trailing across his skin to grab at his shirt only for them to soon after rest on his chest, a small smile graced his lips.
He noticed Eita still seemed to have more to say so he gently drew small circles on his back with his thumb to help him relax, let him know he could go on and let it all out. The first words that came out of his mouth caught him slightly off guard and he was about to say something to go against him but quickly shut it as Eita continued to speak.
His earlier smile returned once he was done. Arms wrapped tighter around the setter as Tendou pulled down onto his lap, having hisboyfriend straddle him. He pulled him close enough that the only distance between them were Eita’s hands. Lips came in contact once he leaned in, eyes closed and hold tight on the setter. They moved together in what felt like perfect sync. Teeth dug into the other’s lip as he pulled away hard enough to sting but not bleed and soon after tongue grazed the bruised bottom lip. “It’s ok to be selfish sometimes…” He kissed him again. “I tend to be selfish a lot actually~” Another kiss on those soft lips.
“I’m sorry I’ve made you wait so long for an answer…it must be hard” This time the kiss was placed along his jaw and then another on that soft spot right below his ear.
“I love you Eita. So much that sometimes I just sit in my bed and think what I did to deserve someone so great.” One last kiss on his neck and Tendou rested his head on the setter’s shoulders. “I want to be with you. Eventually I would have to leave my family and when I do I want the person to be besides me then is you….but I can’t leave with you.”
He stayed quiet for a moment until he replayed his words and noticed how completely wrong that sounded andnot what he meant at all! Immidiately he pulled back to look directly into the setter’s eyes.
“I-I mean I can’t leave yet. As in with you.” Eyes drifted off to the side. “My sister is started high school next year and you know high school and how it can be sometimes and I’d like to be here for her. At least during her first year.” He gave asmall chuckle.”Maybe my reasoning sounds a bit silly right? But I want to make sure that when I leave I can leave someone behind who I know will take proper care of the little ones. As much as I love my parents I can’t trust them with everything.” This time he laughed.
“Okay.” It’s okay. “Okay...” (It’s not okay.) Even with Satori’s laughter echoing
in his ears, Eita found it almost impossible to keep the smile on his lips.
The expression falters, slips. He can feel the very tips of his fingers begin
to tremble. He’d hoped (dared to hope) that maybe he’d actually be the
first pick this time; that he wouldn’t have to worry about setting his own
selfish needs aside. But of course not. Why would he? (He never did.) But
it only makes him feel guilty when his heart sinks and his gaze drops to
stare down at his hands gripping loosely to the material of Satori’s shirt.
because he can understand the reasoning so well (would never dream of
trying to separate Satori from his siblings when they needed him the most,
in the same way he’d never leave Hiroto behind if his own brother was just
barely starting high school).
The setter ducks his head and hides his face into the blocker’s shoulder,
squeezing his eyes shut in a vain attempt to block the tears welling in his
eyes. It only takes a few more seconds for the trembling to move from his
fingertips to the rest of his body, shuddering through his chest, and the
guilt knotting in his gut only tightens when a sob chokes out (he doesn’t
want to do this to Satori, he doesn’t deserve it; it’s not his fault and it can’t
be helped). But the escaping tears can’t be helped, either, and he shifts
his arms to wrap them around his boyfriend’s torso tightly, fingers gripping
onto the back of his shirt this time, and, for a few long minutes, it’s all he
can do. The rush of overwhelming emotion finally having an outlet after
he’d let himself get so worked up over this entire question. It was cathartic
in a way. It cleared his mind up at least enough that once he was done,
the shoulder of Satori’s shirt effectively dampened by his tears yet still not
lifting his head, unable to face his boyfriend just yet, Eita was able to think.
“I don’t want to go alone...” His voice shakes in a murmur, voice barely
audible. “I can’t...” He could barely survive a few days alone unless the
circumstances were extreme. A whole year? Even with his dad’s side of the
family nearby, the setter knew they wouldn’t be able to help him (they hadn’t
grown up with him; lacked the connections that his friends had with him;
lacked the knowledge of how to understand just what was happening when
he acted out).
Fingers tightened further into material.
