The village girl
So Nicole, a girl from a village near Tai ‘an, always describes herself as a village girl. She’s really far from it, living in a city of 3 million people, but she told me a wonderful story of romance and hate the other day.
She told me ever since she can remember she has hated her zǔ mǔ (her paternal grandmother) and her zǔ fù (her paternal grandfather). Her grandfather and as a result her father were local musicians who played the dizi (the chinese flute) and the sheng (the chinese accordian) at weddings, funerals and other important village occassions. Although highly skilled, this job was deemed to be lowly due to the association with death. Despite this, her father’s family were the wealthiest in their village and as a result esteemed themselves highly. Nicole’s mother grew up in a village 60km from her father’s village. The poorest of the families in the village, her mother’s family struggled to put rice in the bowls.
One day, her father was asked to go to her mother’s village to play the dizi at an important ocassion. Afterwards, he took a walk near the river and saw a gaggle of girls chatting and walking over the bridge. One girl caught his eye in particular, Nicole’s mother, despite the cotton coming loose from her quilted jacket. She was clearly the poorest of them all but he ran to her rescue as he knew of a hole in the bridge. “Watch out!” he warned her as he raced up to the group of girls. Nicole’s mother looked at him and walked away. They walked off and he followed her for a short distance before calling for her. “Girl! Hey! Hello!” he desperately cried. The group of girls she was with all turned around, apart from Nicole’s mother. Nicole’s mother had little face in her village due to her lowly status and tended to look at the ground even when being addressed. He cried “No, the girl who is not looking at me! What’s your name? Where do you live?”. She replied “Who are you? Why do you want to know my name? I don’t know you.” She continued to walk on so he asked her friends for her details. The next day he went back home.
From his village, Nicole’s father wrote letters to the girl he had met on the bridge. He wrote over 10 a week and after a month he still had not received a reply. So he decided to visit her again and make the journey of 60 km by foot. By some kind of fate, the girl had been asked to accompany her Aunt to visit a sick relative in a neighbouring village to his. On this road, their paths crossed and he was excitedly reunited with her. She could not recall who he was and knew nothing of the 50 or so letters he had sent. He accompanied her back to the village with the Aunt where she came to visit his home. When she returned to the village, she went to the post office to enquire about the letters. The postman had seen they were addressed from a man and had kept them as he also was in love with her. She demanded to see them. He gave her 10. She demanded them all and he relented.
The visit to his home began to cause problems. His father was furious as he had his own ideas on who he would marry. The village official’s daughter was betrothed to him and would come to the house and help farm the land. Despite her being there every day in devotion to his family, he had not fallen in love with her. He was in love with the village girl with the cotton coming from her quilted jacket. Depite beatings from his father, he returned to the girls village. They were so poor they had no room for him to stay in so he was left to sleep with the pigs.
After they were married, she moved to his family home to attend to her new family. He was absent from the house most of the day in the fields and so failed to see the abuses that occured in the house. She was forced to clean, prepare foods and attend to the animals all day. As lunch was served, she was told to feed the pigs and on her return there was nothing left. Even when 8 months pregnant she was asked to carry the enormous container of pig’s feed. After the birth, she weighed only 40 kg. She daren’t tell of the abuses she underwent to avoid disturbance in the house. He soon realised though and addressed the issue with his father. “Why do you treat her so badly when she is pregnant with your grandchild?” he had asked to which his father replied with beatings. Everytime he tried to protect his wife and family, his father would beat him. This is where we move into Nicole’s childhood memory. She recalls her father lieing on the metal bed after a particularly bad dispute. She described her grandfather storming in, grabbing his father’s long hair and bashing his head against the frame of the bed.
Nicole’s mother taught her the virtues of remaining obediant despite hating her grandparents. She dreamed of putting rat poison into their food when they weren’t looking. She fantasised over her hateful grandparents death so her family would be left in peace. Despite having not finished middle school, Nicole’s mother had developed her own philosophies on life and truely believed that one day they would receive the fate they deserved.
As Nicole grew up, she became increasingly aware of her own part to play in these relationships. Her mother would send her to eat with her grandparents much to Nicole’s dislike. Although a luxury for most, her grandparents would eat meat for every meal. During one meal, Nicole’s made a beeline for the meat. Before she touched it, she caught her grandfather’s eye. He looked at her with pure disgust and repulsion. She reclined her chopsticks and refused to eat with them again.
Her father, still working as a musician with her father, attended a ceremony with him. After the ceremony, they were given food to eat. As her father reached for food, her grandfather blocked his chopsticks. When they returned home, her father asked why he had humilitated him in front of the others at the meal. Her grandfather replied at the top of his voice “you are not like me. You are too nice to people. You are too trustful. You’re brother is like me but you. You are not related to me.” The neighbouring houses heard this and many of her father’s other humiliations. They too agreed that the grandparents would receive a punishment for their behaviour to Nicole and her family.
Nicole was as musical as her father and grandfather so took up the dizi and other instruments in middle school. She needed to buy an instrument to continue with her studies and so her mother asked her father to go the grandparents to ask for 2000 rmb (£200). Her grandfather was well known for lending money in the village but when it came to lending money to his son for his granddaughter’s musical instrument he refused. “How dare you ask me for money? You only want to buy something for the village girl’s daughter.” So her father had to suffer the humiliation of asking someone else for the loan. Nicole never knew of this until after both her grandparents had passed away. She described how guilty she felt for causing her father’s loss of face.