ZOMBOR @zombornotes - Tumblr Blog

I couldn't understand me, I don't have patience for me, I would rather leave me alone to die.

And as a final act of self love I will put myself in my own shoes to really understand me .. or try to at least. Most complex personality I have ever known.

A very slow day, busy, full of small stupid tasks, I didn't have time to reflect, on me, on life, on death and specially on the day itself, it was a day set for a very very long time.

I guess I'm stuck here on earth.

I think I will just stop posting here, I will be happy and dumb like the world want me to, It's impossible for my mind to be that way, literally impossible, I will just give whatever left of me to this kind of life, I will stop hurting the people who know me with my overthinking and deeply compilcated thoughts, I couldn't find a home for my mind anywhere or in anyone. Let me burn one last time .. enjoy the flame as long as it lasts. My life isn't/wasn't mine for a long time now, I knew life from far, I lived a few moments only, I tragically bumped myself into a bonus life, now .. I don't even have a name for it, I'm keeping this mass of flesh and bones working because it helps some people to get through their own hard days. FML.

I gave everyone a sun .. and kept no flame for myself.

I saw gardens in every ruin .. but called my own face a wasteland.

I was never held as I was.

I was never chosen .. only kept near .. like a spare candle .. for someone else’s dark.

I say I made peace with it.

I know I was different.

My mind walked roads no one had named yet.

I know people.

I know the weight behind their eyes.

I know when their kindness served as pity, when they make a shelter of me .. but never a home.

I know when their silence needs help, and when my presence becomes noise.

I learned how to live among you all.

Almost.

Some nights .. the body continues .. but the soul refuses.

I never wanted anything from anyone.

Nothing.

And I hate when people try to turn my emptiness into a debt I owe them.

Every blessing in my life asked for blood.

And I paid.

The curse was not loneliness.

The curse was knowing.

To see the water waves before the stone left the hand toward a lake .. my lake.

If I can't smile but I laughed with you, Im the fake friend, fake brother, fake human.

If I can't promise to be present and I just left, fake human.

If I can't be vulnerable and ask anybody to do anything for me but do the max for everyone, fake human.

If I can't be reliable and ready to live every moment .. dead, fake human.

If I can't love myself and love everyone without asking for it back, fake human.

If I can't have faith in anything and kept asking, fake human.

If I can't be fake and be true to who I am, fake human.

If I can't, fake human.

I have removed the deadlines from my mind and my life, but the mood lately been like the deadlines style exist from all the programming i was doing in my life, still so so so so hard to imagine anything past that point.

Life is weird, you set a date and it will happens wheter you chose to keep going with it or not, setting the time is the most dangerous part about human power. I'm okay, I just set a very personal dangerous timer.

i'm a dead weight to a lot of people, I would rather make it literal.

Can I settle for a good try ? to change the world to happier place, a spot in this universe where humans work, live, marry, have fun together and protect these principles from any external negative forces within or out there. What one life can do anyway.

The urge to escape the human made cycle, and just merge with nature cycles of life and death, chaos and order.

I wanna make non symmetrical shit look beautiful.

Words are nothing, it's the power we attach to them.

The death of heroism, is the true birth of humanity.

Be brave enough to take actions.

Be smart enough to not be killed.

I fucked up today, but at least we know deletion is not permanent

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't

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