BRB, I'm going insane

vent/rambling blog ♤ somewhere where I can scream into a void so no one has to listen to my bullshit ♤

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@rens-inferno is my ren and stimpy blog btw! Im pinning this just in case anyone thinks of following me. I highly suggest you follow that one over this one! This blog is only a vent blog. It's not very fun.

Edit: I guess its also a rambling blog. But still.

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Would testosterone fix me, or am I just delulu?

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I think

I am an ammoying pest 👈

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If i want things to change

I need to stop fucking around

And also find my motivation again

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PAY ME GOD DAMN IT

I NEED GAS

I HAVE BILLS TO PAY

I WANT TO ENJOY LIFE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Wants to go on T

.....

I have to tell ppl first. I don't want it to be a complete shock to ppl whenever I see them again.

.....

I have no insurance 😃

.....

I just want to live my life and not feel held back by every little thing.

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Probably just being dramatic.

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Probably just being dramatic.

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Wish ppl could just talk to each other. And have a conversation. Instead of letting a thousand things build up until they get angry.

And then they lowkey despise the other person. But they still don't want to talk about what's bothering them.

And they decide it's all the other person's fault.

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Brb,

Spiraling

Kinda want to die

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I need to learn to keep my expectations far, far, far down in the deepest pits of hell.

Maybe then I'll finally be less miserable and less of a little bitch about everything.

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Guess I should ask reddit if my feet are ugly or not and see if anyone would even consider paying me money.

And bark like a dog for ppl on fiver. Or scream. Idfk. I should think of some creative ideas I guess.

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I feel so useless and pointless.

I still have no money. Despite doing a job a month ago.

I'm super sore from a 4 hour job i did 2 days ago.

I have another job thats 11 hours this Saturday.

I hate that I feel like im not built for anything.

Manual labor fucking hurts.

But i have to do more. Because I'm 3 months behind on everything.

I've been applying to places, but it seems like it doesn't matter.

Feel like a waste of air.

My existence feels pointless.

It won't be like this forever, I know.

But I hate jobs that make me feel like shit. Why do I have to suffer in order to get by? It's bullshit.

Why can't I just be really good at one thing that can make me money? But no. I'm mediocre at best and have no body strength.

I'm useless to every company.

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I feel frustrated.

I want to be making money. I feel very guilty, for not making money.

I worked 2 days for a gig job last month ($30 an hour, which isnt bad. I should get luke $600?) But I am still waiting to get paid.

I got sick and didnt work the 3rd day. And then I was sick for over a week. And I'm kicking myself because I should have just gone and worn a mask. That first day I was sick was nothing compared to the other days. I should have just gone.

And then we got stuck just having one car after buying a new one. Because the new car has something wrong with it, making it unsafe to drive.

We got one of our old cars back from the mechanic, but now it's being used because my partner is visiting their mom. Which isn't a problem. We were supposed to have another working car. It's not their fault at all.

I also did get a call for another gig job, but it was super early in the morning, and I would have had to go bother ppl to get a ride. Otherwise I would have gone. Or if I had money for lyft. And taking the bus would probably take 3 hours. Making me late.

It'll be okay. I just have to wait longer. To have a car i can use. And to get paid so I can attempt to catch up on bills. Tomorrow night i have some work. And next Saturday I also some work.

I've been applying for jobs, but they won't hire me.

And I fucked up when applying for unemployment. I partially blame the website for not being clear at all, but i also blame myself because I should have gone out of my way to find out what exactly I need to do.

I applied to and got accepted for a contract delivery driver thing. But when i went to look at what they had for routes to do, it was empty.

I want to try instacart. As long as I can have a car to use.

I really am trying. Everyday I'm obsessing over trying to find ways to make money. Looking at jobs.

But i just feel like a fucking loser.

And I'm scared of everyone else growing resentful towards me for not having money.

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I wish things could just be chill