Things My Friends And I Have Said: Sentence Starters
“I’m slowly walking through the fog, dramatically limping.”
“I mean, I wanna know if you fucked on the bathroom sink.”
“Are we gonna drive through a bad neighborhood at night and just see what happens?”
“I just heard a scary noise.”
“You look horrified. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve asked you.”
“Don’t be the person in the horror movie that goes to the strange noise.”
“I dunno, I mean, would you still love me if I shot you?”
“You don’t own the damn lake, sir!”
“I wonder if Mexico City is in Mexico.”
*begins spewing utter madness in an attempt to study*
“What we’re doing here is really fucked up man, I’m excited.”
“We’re gonna possess him, in the middle of a conversation.”
“Disassociating is like eating bananas, for me.”
“I’ve never really seen a dollar bill, so.”
“I know how this is gonna sound, but if you wanna get rid of them, my mom knows a spree murderer who’s due for parole soon.”
“We don’t want a creepy stalker as a grandma.”
“I can’t believe he fucked the girl that shot him.”
“I trust you, even though you talked about cannibalism.”
“Well, fuck your cheese, then!”
“Thankfully I bought, like, three pairs.”
“Are you speaking in tongues?”
“That’s nice, lady, I don’t wanna hear about your emotions.”
“I don’t know, I just feel like that’d be a good way to meet a famous murderer husband.”
“I wanna fuck him more than ever, he gave me a priest kink.”
“You paid off the morgue guy?”
“I’m between laughing and shitting on the wall.”
“I can’t kill them, this chair is in my way.”
“I’ve always wanted to fight a stranger.”
“I’ve created a giant penis to put on a billboard, could you print this out for me?”
“Why do you have so many pictures of Putin?”
“Love me some clown-fucking bat furries.”
“Followers were instructed to imagine Jesus during sex.”
“Dad, it’s Easter, Jesus told me to stay up as late as I wanted.”
“We have to go to dinner in the morning?”
“IT’S 4:20, BLAZE IT, DAD!”
“That’s lame. Don’t post my own conversations to me.”
“No, it’s okay! You didn’t miss anything besides me being angry.”
“What if I take out my tampon and rub it on his face to break up with him?”
“If somebody asked you to punch them in the face, do you think you’d do it?”
“It’s not illegal to own a flamethrower.”
“Like, are you trying to frame me, or is this your kink, or…”
“And the most horrifying part was that he had a picture of George Bush on his wall.”
“DON’T SMASH HIS FACE WITH THE FRIDGE DOOR.”
“Your kids are fucked up, they just killed two crazy old people!”
“Stop evil munchkin laughing over there, calm the fuck down.”
“I’m being held hostage against my will to say funny shit, I can’t leave.”
“Is your dad asking you to do drugs?”
