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30. HBCU Grad 💞. Sensual and soft.

[08141990]

I treated myself to two staycations at two different fancy hotels then I realized I’m so damn dumb. I could have been getting a cheap hotel room sometimes on the weekend to secretly get a break from the house. Lord.

[08141990]

I’m getting lil tired of social media. Not fully ready to delete everything but my twitter account may be gone by end of year. Honestly as long as I got TikTok im good

[08141990]

Holy shit I’m tired of seeing commentary about sinners on twitter. It is in overload.

[08141990]

I rly got to loose weight fast. Omg

[08141990]

Finally got a job few weeks ago. Still not a job where I can afford to move out but making enough to save a lil but more so pay off this debt. 5 grand for something that wasn’t even my fault. Like seriously it was the cause of a family member. Sighs. But it’s some progress. That’s the one of the few big things I won’t have to worry about anymore.

[08141990]

Got a thousand down. 4 more to go. Gonna start putting money in my savings as well. Got two personal deadlines in motion for myself

[08141990]

I made mini deadlines for myself. So far paying off that debt. Deadline I made is by end of April which I will be able to achieve with no problem. Deadline I made for myself was to move out with furniture and whatever by end of year. Alternative was put things in storage unit then move out by next spring. But… once this debt paid and as SOON I’m able to find a higher paying job which I been trying to do I’m moving tf out with my bed and shit. I’ll get furniture or whatever whenever I can 😭

[08141990]

Finally got a job few weeks ago. Still not a job where I can afford to move out but making enough to save a lil but more so pay off this debt. 5 grand for something that wasn’t even my fault. Like seriously it was the cause of a family member. Sighs. But it’s some progress. That’s the one of the few big things I won’t have to worry about anymore.

[08141990]

Not being viewed as “desirable” sucks

[08141990]

I’ve been a long time follower and this may not mean much to you but I wanted to say that I do enjoy your content and I do take the time to read your posts. You are an amazing person and I hope things will get better for you. Just believe in yourself and stay positive. I know it can be hard sometimes (trust me I know), but everything will work out. I hope this helps. If it doesn’t, I totally understand. Be well.

Thank you. That’s very sweet. I honestly appreciate it. Hopefully I can get myself together soon. I take it that I’ll just have to get over my fear of taking risks when it come to certain things. Maybe next year will be better.

[08141990]

That TikTok of that girl calling Jada a liar for stating 2pac proposed to her really annoyed me. It’s how she was so determined to call someone she don’t know a liar and how so many black blogs reposted that without any type of proper research/investigation towards the tiktokers claims. It’s like she was excited to scold?!? Like what she presented it’s not valuable proof of Jada “lying”. It’s crazy.

[stonerparty]

[08141990]

I really hope next year is better for me

[femmequeens]

Lucille Ball in “Ziegfeld Follies” (1946)

[oneheadtoanother]

fucked up in the crib rocking bug pants

[08141990]

Ice Spice make music for the confused self deprecating indecisive girlies like me. Her music is basically “Like? Idk? I guess? Maybe? It don’t matter! If you want to?”

I mean she just get it? Ya kno? Such a queen!

[08141990]

Since there are more spooky season lovers on here than twitter I decided to make my own Halloween decor because I had an idea what what I wanted. I wanted it to be creepy with a mix of gothic romance Addams family type of thing!?!!! In pics below it’s the first wreath I ever made so I’m honestly fucking proud of it. Two Skelton hands will be a center piece for outside (ignore table we been doing crafts for few weeks now). . Skull heads is on a mop handle I’m going to hang outside. Will add some velvet ribbon to it and more tiny skull heads and moss once it’s hanging. Gotta secure the big skull heads with gorilla glue or something!?! I don’t want them to fall off. The rest of stuff I got that’s not pictured it’s things I got from dollar tree to hang. Got a foam pumpkin I’m going to paint black and hang a bat from it. (I’m not really into orange for Halloween. Idk why!?!). Gotta get a mat and some lights. Im going start putting everything up this Sunday. Yeah. I’ll post pic once it’s all together

[08141990]

My 30s so far have been terrible. I didn’t think anything could be more terrible than my 20s, teens years, or childhood but 30s so far is winning in disappointment and sadness. “30s are the best years of your life”. Maybe for some. But it’s not for me.

On top of that I realized I don’t have a self identity. I don’t have a personality. I’m just here. And it sucks. I long to feel normal. I would do anything to be normal. I wish I was outgoing. I wish I was “popular”. I wish I didn’t have to wish for things like that.

Dating life? Still alone and lonely. Still confused sexually. Nothing really turns me on. Men still treat me like pure shit but the desperation for validation has me by a chokehold I fear. Being obese, not sexy, boring, depressed well make my options limited. But the crazy thing I can’t interest at all. I may just be asexual. Or lesbian in denial. I’m not sure.

It’s so much more I want to type but honestly I’m like a fucking broken record at this point. I’m tired. Idk. Life just really sucks.