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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@092291
Me levanto una bribacion en el pie de la cama a las 2am. Ni idea que era, no c si dios queria levantarme para decirme algo o para señalar un momento preciso. Lo unico que se es que luego de pasar el susto y salir al balcon y ver mi telefono, todo me decia tu.
“ I never imaged a song about loss and an unforgettable dance can now bring me joy as i wounder in the momeries recently created”
White
Here i am again, life has brought me back to you. In reality you never left i always see you in number 647, i really cant make why i still hold on. I recently took a step towards you because the number never left me. I have no idea what this means, i believe god speaks to us in different ways and i felt this was something said to me. For good or bad, i have no idea but i cant help to think how cruel life can be that it doesn’t let me let go of you. Is it because you never let go of your first love or is masochism on the thought of what could have been or what could be now. I have no idea if you are single or married but my mind doesn’t care it wonders in fantasy of us and what we can be.
Im guilty as im a hopeless romantic but you are the only woman i have been fully romantic and have ever had the urge to be fully romantic, from the details of create a space for us or making a meal, you are the only one that has made sense to give who i am and all of me.
You, you that doesn’t know me now, you that has lived a life without me, you that grows as i grow as an individual, you who lives life as best you can, you who is without me. (The reality if you having a life without me, without caring, without a thought of me hurts, it feels abnormal but its the norm).
The pain of having to accept the fact that god has a plan and it may be without you hurts and yet i can feel the hope of having you in my life by the grace of god but have no control over his plans as his plans are perfect and yet i see you as damn close to perfect to be part of my life but i have no control. I could do everything in my power to try to obtain you but it may not be gods plan so i stand back and let life be in hopes that god bring you closer to me. So close i can enjoy your company again, i can be blessed by your presence, enjoy your smile up and close, see your lips and crave them, be able to touch your hand and see how your hair is moved by the wind. See how your fangs stand put to me in your smile and how you calmly and gently lean over to embrace me with a kiss.
How can i forget you if your number keeps popping up? It is a sign? Is it meant to be ? Is my prayer being answered when i lost you to be able to gain you back with time? Its far from it you are in the USA and im home. You are the only one that makes me writ, is it a sign that its meant to be or just a figment of my very active imagination that keeps taunting me in not forgetting you and the feeling of the connection we had ?
And here we are again, far from each other, not saying you are feeling them same right now but even if you did we are far, Im willing to endure anything but at this age i would do it differently, I would make plans and change my current life if it meant a life with you, but this is young me thinking as the current me doesn’t know you, its been 14 years which is plenty of time for us to be different people. I don’t even know who you are, i may know who you are in the core but i have know idea who you are or what you have been through to become the persone you are today which i don’t know.
So in this predicament what am I suppose to do? Continue life without you ? Continue my life and see if there is someone else in my future? What am i suppose to do ? Forget you? Accept what it was and move on ? Continue without thinking of you and forgetting you ?
Im not living in the flesh, im celibate and searching for a wife, someone i can truly love and give my life if necessary for. So what do I do with all these feeling, all this things that come as second nature?
“Identifying the small details that spark an emotion in me is the way I find happiness today”
Find someone that can amplify your essence, your pure self, you.
“Finding someone that resonates with you is like finding a new universe, all you want to do is discover all of her”
Letting go of old habits
Letting go of old habits. Easier said than done.
Trying to let go of them but they feel like they belong
Changing my thoughts, thinking of something diffrent, but thet keep taging along they're something so persistant.
I try to forget, try to not remember. But they keep coming into my head like that night in september.
Try to run and get away, hide in december but there in my head no running away, november.
Its a mind game, what can i say, i try to seperate but there is no escape.
Old habits fuck you, im gonna finish with you because i feel something new!
Love is love is love is love, im going to enjoy it and find my path doing it.
When I see that familiar thought that is so persistent, I'm going to recognize it and fuck it to out of existence
If you expect, the reality will either disappoint or surprise you. Learn to be open to any outcome.
Me
A little rough
Today was a little rough, it was beacause of yesterday so I cant complain because i was a little rough yesterday.
Learning how you are, and learning me in that process.
Not all days are the same, something new everyday, but im willing to know more of you.
Night
Its not that you can't do it, its that you haven't found a way to do
It.
Me
It only takes intiative to take action to make life worth living.
Me
Exposing to darkness
In the absence of ligt darkness takes control, which means that all that is thought is dark, now this means some may find comfort in the darkness but i love the light, i find clearness in the light and love life in the light. But to be able to fight the dark you have to know it, i know it, not all aspects but i know it, that is why i can manage but not to its full extent because all that fall completely into darkness are lost to it.
The Way we are, ladies.
The class one must have when touching the topic of love. Being a man is all about being a gentleman, looking out after the lonely girl at the party or the damsel in distress, we always want to show our purpose, our ability to be a gentleman. But the reality is that, its very rear when we as gentleman get to show that side.
A lot of people think that chivalry is dead, but the reality is that men do show off these aspects but women are too distracted to notice. Take for example the classic opening the door for a lady, women always have a purpose for the night so when we open the door for them that just has more time for them to concentrate on the night's goal. Sadly not many notices the gesture of the gentle opening the door with a purpose, they want to impress, be noticed, but the reality is that good deeds go unnoticed rather than bad deeds that affect them in an overanalytical way in women's minds.
They have to understand that our intentions are not superficial but deep, think movie-wise, the prince will conquer the princess, we are trying to do that in the simplest ways.
PS. ladies, we forgive you but now that you have read this, try to notice our gentleman ways, the simplest and noblest guy in the party can be the most interesting and deep of them all.
:)
fear - The analysis of the possibilities
me
Self-expression, find it. Don't have to be an expert to appreciate a method of expressing yourself, whether you emit or experience it
me
Self-Reflection
It's funny how you can watch a movie a million times and find a million different meanings to the same plot. My conclusion is perspective, we find ourselves in different stages of our life where we have a certain maturity or a way of looking at things in that specific time. It's like the Bible, you go to church and the pastor speaks the word, and in some miraculous way, you can always identify with it.
My reality is that love and progression are what moves me, gives me meaning, Purpose. I have found out living alone in this new step in my life that I need a purpose in the things that I pursue. If I have a purpose in the things I do, I can thrive in the things that interest me.
Love and Progression, they are powered by the thing that we must never let go, not even when one is looking straight into the eyes of death, Hope.