My eternal longing for you cannot be shaken
I’ve spent the last year trying to escape your presence
but it’s impossible to out run my love for an angry man
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My eternal longing for you cannot be shaken
I’ve spent the last year trying to escape your presence
but it’s impossible to out run my love for an angry man
Joanna Glenn, from her novel titled "All My Mothers," originally published in 2021
Trista Mateer, from Small Ghost: Poems; "Small Ghost Checks Her Self History,"
Word List: Said
Said—to express in words; state
Alleged - asserted to be true or to exist
Argued - to give reasons for or against something
Articulated - to utter clear and understandable sounds
Asked - to seek information
Asserted - to state or declare positively and often forcefully or aggressively
Babbled - to talk enthusiastically or excessively
Bellowed - to shout in a deep voice
Bragged - to talk boastfully
Commented - to explain or interpret something by comment
Communicated - to convey knowledge of or information about
Complained - to make a formal accusation or charge
Cried - to utter loudly
Declined - to refuse especially courteously
Demanded - to call for something in an authoritative way
Denied - to declare (something) to be untrue
Encouraged - to attempt to persuade
Expressed - to represent in words
Giggled - to utter with a giggle
Growled - to utter angrily
Inquired - to ask about
Mentioned - to make mention of; refer to
Moaned - lament, complain
Nagged - to irritate by constant scolding or urging
Rebuked - to criticize sharply; reprimand
Rebutted - to contradict or oppose by formal legal argument, plea, or countervailing proof
Rejected - to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use
Replied - to respond in words or writing
Retorted - to answer back usually sharply
Roared - to utter or proclaim with a roar
Scolded - to censure usually severely or angrily
Shrieked - to utter a sharp shrill sound
Shrugged - to raise or draw in the shoulders especially to express aloofness, indifference, or uncertainty
Stated - to express the particulars of especially in words; report
Taunted - to reproach or challenge in a mocking or insulting manner
Voiced - to express in words; utter
Vowed - to promise solemnly; swear
Warned - to give admonishing advice to
Whined - to complain with or as if with a whine
Whispered - to speak softly with little or no vibration of the vocal cords especially to avoid being overheard
Yelled - to utter or declare with or as if with a yell; shout
More: Word Lists
Comedy Mask,
i remember once so vividly a dream where, i’d opened my grandmothers china cabinet to reveal a hidden door,
i’d opened said door and stepped in to what i thought was just a dim room and i fell and fell and fell for what felt like miles,
then i shocked myself as i hit the ground with a thud and fell into a room that i’d never seen before,
so i began to explore, only to find that this room had all of my favorite things all of the things that made me particularly happy all the things i was fond of,
only to wake and be spoiled by the bitter reality, that my life is awful and what a tragedy this was
The world moves fast, my mind moves slow.
My doom is fast approaching, there is no true savior.
Mirror, the glass shattered and so did i.
My Mothers Children,
I often don’t feel very pretty i simply feel very used, i remember when my mother ran rampant through different boyfriends and she’d leave me alone with them,
they’d usually comment something on my beauty on my appearance on my undeveloped body, it always made me feel so uneasy,
and i remember with several of these men my mother wouldn’t sleep in the bedroom with them, but she’d leave my sisters and i alone with him,
and if we’d express any discomfort or any concern she’d shut it down and accuse us of wanting what was hers,
and when many of them had taken advantage of being alone with three vulnerable girls my mother accused us of dreaming,
as if my dreams before these men hadn’t been about worlds made of candy and rivers of soda, and after these men came and went,
my mind became darker, my thoughts became consumed with the feeling of hands and being touched,
shortly after this i’d noticed my sisters and i slowly all morphed into our own individual perceptions of what we thought the opposite of our mother was,
for me i could just never shake the fact that i have her face her hair her eyes and even at times i have her depression, it scares me to think i could pass the same issues on to a child,
it petrifies me that i too run through boyfriends and girlfriends and cling to things like sex to feel good about myself, it terrifies me that i am becoming my mother becoming the very thing that hurt me the most.
for as long as i can remember i have been consumed by my mothers anxiety and eaten alive by her guilt,
my mother is a complex creature and sometimes it scares me that i understand her
that i too am too much like her, that i too need to control the narrative through poetry and novels, that i too have a desire to obsess over my words writing endless lines day and night,
it scares me that i’m growing into my mothers face i’ve run from it for many years but i’ve succumbed to it her nose her eyes her lips are now all mine,
sometimes it feels like her thighs her hips and her lies are now mine too and that petrifies me,
this body has never felt like mine it’s always felt like hers i’ve always lived life in her image what she thought was best,
she likes this body better thin so i became thinner and thinner, she likes my face better when she feels it’s pretty so i try to make it prettier in her eyes
but nothing seems to suffice
i don’t think i’ll ever bee enough for my mother, there’s always going to be something she wishes to change,
my mother does not like that i write that i endlessly spiral into lines about my hatred for her and the childhood i was given
but my mother controls too much of my life that’s why i write.
Time and time again I am made painfully aware that no one is coming.
i prayed to all the saints, to the virgin, to the son, to the father, and to the ghost
that things in my life would go more than well,
because i need them to, there’s no other path but success,
i need to be great,
i’d do anything for it
even barter off my soul for the promise of riches, fame and glory because that’s what i really want. it all i want it consumes me. it’s more apart of me than anything else.
Among Familiar Faces,
i remember, i was sat there out of place among my familiar grace, with a not so familiar face staring into my stary eyes on a very empty night,
i hadn’t had anymore energy to try or to fight or to go on with my life,
it was that night i’d decided to die and drag my boy who was not yet a man down to hell with me,
it was that night thy i made up my mind.
sometimes i feel like i’m being watched through a looking glass like my whole life has been personified and put on display until i have died,
some days i feel like the snowman in the snow globe being shaken and thrown,
other days i feel very very unseen, unheard, and unreal;
this has been my natural order of things for many many years now i wake i feel inhuman i sleep i wake i feel real again i sleep i wake i feel like a character,
some days i get so consumed by the fact that i feel characteristic, like my life is nothing more than a good book or show for some but for me it’s an incredibly painful reality;
and perhaps in a sense i feel like i can make my watchers sympathize with me and give me a better reality i realer reality one i can exist in happily.
i look in the mirror and i see hell itself
i’ve never been who i wanna be
and i really hate that everyone thinks i’m who they should be
i thought other people could see how hurt i was and they can’t their blind to my agony.
my mind has been a dark place as of late
it’s getting late and i’m alone
there’s a gun in my hands and i’m starting to think this is it
i’ve been starving for years
and i think its time to feed this darkness.