YOU ARE THE REASON
Claire Keane
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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if i look back, i am lost
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#extradirty
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@0wannabefairy0
day 5
iām losing weight bc i remember how good i felt when i was at my skinniest. and yeah, also a little bit bc i want to be seen as the pretty girl. being fat just doesnāt fit my personality in a way yk, iām very extroverted and confident (except about my body ofc), everyone in school knows me, iām top of my class, i have sort of a pretty face i guess... being fat just doesnāt fit the aesthetic lmao
You canāt eat like a pig and look like an angel
day 4
iām sort of scared of becoming skinny fat instead of skinny. aaaand i really hope iāll still have nice boobs bc theyāre one of the few things i actually like about myself.
day 3
okay, so the thing is, i have pretty wide hips, but i actually kinda like that, bc i also naturally have a relatively small waist and nice boobs, so iām more of an hour glass, but the all the fat around my thighs, ass and tummy makes it less visible. i wanna look like my thinspo,i want her flat stomach, her nice waist, EVERYTHING.
canāt wait to go on stage to be named as the top of the class by my principal at my graduation, with long, silky, blonde hair flowering down my back, light as a feather, but with an hour glass figure that is accentuated by my beautiful dress. all the parents and teachers that havenāt seen me in a while take a second look and wonder: āis that really her?ā yes it is, and sheās better than ever...
ngl i might not even weigh myself during my period bc seeing that iām not losing always drives me insane. but not weighing myself also drives me insane soooooo i guess either way iām fucked.
ugh iām so frustrated. i have been doing intermittent fasting with a 16/8 ratio, eating around 1000 calories a day and itās been working out really well, i lost like 2kg in a week, but today i literally started the fast at like 2:30pm and in the evening i weighed 0.6kg more than i did. this morning. ik itās just bc my period is coming up and that itās normal to gain a lil weight during the day bc of the food you eat but still. it always makes me question everything and wanna stuff myself bc āwhy even botherā yk. yikes, canāt wait for my period to be over again.
day 2
iām sth around 172cm tall. iām fine with it, itās pretty average i guess. if anything iād want to be shorter bc i think iād rather be way shorter than way taller than other people.
bro idk if itās just me but even tho my overall relationship with food is really fucked up i love cooking. like i love chopping veggies and all that stuff.
day 1
height: 172cm
sw: 72,5kg
cw: 71,3kg
gw: 70kg > 67kg > 65kg > 62kg > 60kg > 58 kg
ugw: 55kg
i just came back from eight months of exchange and i didnāt make any progress at all bc i had no way of fasting around my host family, but now iām in quarantine and nothing else to do but go on walks and distract myself from eating
wassup my dudes
came back early from exchange three weeks ago and now that i have time to think again i realized iām still fat whoops
me explaining to people why i fall back on my chair after standing up to fast
iām back. and i feel as shitty as ever.
ā” Morning Sun and Dainty Attire ā”
this is honestly just beautiful
It goes from..
ā¦reading about healthy foodsā¦
ā¦to joining the gymā¦
ā¦to counting caloriesā¦
ā¦googling caloriesā¦
ā¦eating just a little less. Nothing crazy. You just want to be in shapeā¦
ā¦weighing yourself maybe once a weekā¦
ā¦writing calories down in a journalā¦
ā¦going to the gym more oftenā¦
ā¦body checksā¦
ā¦diet plansā¦
ā¦weighing once a dayā¦
ā¦looking better nowā¦
ā¦Loosingā¦
ā¦counting caloriesā¦writing them downā¦ nutritional labelsā¦ going to the gymā¦ diet plansā¦ counting caloriesā¦ weighing yourself before and after eating, going to the toilet, no clothes, no bracelet, knowing the calories in everything despite the fact that you only eat 4 foods, counting calories, meal plans, carb free, donāt drink calories, coffee and a cigarette, counting calories, 300 calories, 200 calories, counting calories, gym gym gym three times a day, thinspo, thigh gaps, 100 calories, fast, fast, fast, fast, lose weight fast faster why am I not losing weight ana buddies say itās a plateau WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT BINGE BINGE GYM PURGE BINGE COUNTING CALORIES GRADES GO DOWN MEMORY PROBLEMS COUNTING CALORIES LOSE WEIGHT FAST FAST GYM FAINTING COUNTING CALORIES EYE BAGS AND CALORIES AND IM SO TIRED FAINTING CALORIES BINGE HOW COULD I EAT THAT HALF A GRAPE CALORIES HALF A CALORIE IN THAT BITE CALORIE FREE IS A LIE COUNTING CALORIES FAT FAT THINSPO COLLARBONES SICKNESS GAG REFLEX BINGE GYM LAXATIVES SIBUTRAMINE TIRED COUNTING CALORIES EFFORT EFFORT GYM UP EARLY SKIN ROUTINE HAIR LOSS COUNTING CALORIES BRITTLE BLUE NAILS LIPS BLUE BLUE BLACK BLURRY VISION FAINTING COUNTING CALORIES WHY WHY WHY AM I SO FAT HELP ME HELP ME PLATEAUS CONCERN LEAVE ME ALONE 110 lbs 100 lbs COUNTING CALORIES HELP HELP ME FAINTING FREEZING BRUISES COUNTING CALORIES NUTRITIONAL LABELS BREAK A FAST DONT BINGE HOSPITAL CONCERN GAINING HATE HATE HATE NO LET ME LEAVE FILLING OUT GETTING OUT RELAPSE LOOSING LOOSING THIN THIN YES THIN HELP ME HELP ME BINGE RESTRICT NO SOCIAL LIFE ANA BUDDIES CALORIES FASTING
ā¦to death.
Every night
Without fail
My last thought is
āYou should have eaten less todayā¦ā
sooooo... i ate way less than yesterday and i literally gained 2kg over the course of one day.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
