A Gal's Guide to Flirting (Semi-ineptly) [five steps to getting a guy's number]
Alright, first off, I named this A Gal’s Guide to Flirting, because 1) THE Gal’s Guide to Flirting would insinuate that this is the only one, and 2) people don’t use the word gal enough anymore. I think people think it’s just easier to say girl, but honestly, gal applies to any age. Go gal.
Ok, the first step to approaching a cute/hot/attractive/Richard Hammond-esque guy is, erm, well… Approaching him.
STEP ONE: APPROACHING HIM.
Now, it is well known fact that girls and pick-up lines don’t work. I hate that fact, because I would love to use pick up lines (I just wrote out a whole dirty Harry Potter themed pick up line within these parentheses and then deleted it. You’re not welcome.), because they rock. For information on awesome pick up lines, consult Jenna Marbles.
So, the girly version of pick up lines now-a-days is “Heeeeee-eey.” Or, “*Hair flip* *eyelash batting* *Smirk* Hey.”
Which is irritating, especially if this girl is doing that to a boy you don’t have the courage to go up to. ( I couldn’t find the proper place to end this sentence without a preposition at.)
Try and not look like you’re flirting (It’s a super good idea to make sure that he’s not surrounded by hot chicks and/or girlfriend), by saying something like, “Hey, do you know what time it is?” or “I love this song.”*
*DO NOT say this during a Gotye, Adele, or Justin Bieber song. Gotye is not condusive to romance, everybody likes Adele, and the last one is self-evident.
STEP TWO: WARNING
If you are a teen/preteen/girl (Seriously, does anybody use the word preteen to describe boys?), DONOTDONOTDONOT mention a crush to your friend group. Seriously.
Deep crap will result. Muchos bad-os.
STEP THREE: ASSESS THE CONVERSATION.
Is there eye contact? Is he answering questions? Is he asking questions? Does he seem genuinely interested in you(look for queries like “So, where are you from?” Or “What’s your sign?”)?
Watch out for: Him looking over your head. Ignoring you. One word answers. Questions like, “Why don’t you find someone else to bother?” or “What’s your sign?”
STEP FOUR: LET THE STALKING… BEGIN!
Facebook ‘im. Look at his profile intently. Do you have any books in common that you like? Is 'I hate books’ in his Interests? How many times does the words 'swagger’, 'swaggie’, 'swag’, or 'yolo’ appear? DO NOT bring these sort of things up. Lemme put it this way, if a boy came up to you and said, “I was just browsing your profile the other day, and I saw that one of the books you like is a book I have read within the past five years of my life. Oh, I’m Bill, by the way.” how would you feel?
STEP FIVE: NUMBAHS YEAH BUDDIE.
Go easy asking. “Do you like to text?” is my go-to way to ask for a number, whether it be asking for a friend’s number, or a suitor’s. (I’m sorry, I have just been in love with that word since I read it in the Odyssey.)
Now, there are a few ways to go about it if he says yes. “Maybe we could text sometime, then?” Is a definite here. If he says yes again…
This requires a mini-list!
Mini list: Ways to record numbers!
1. Phone Exchange: You give him your phone, he gives you his. Resist the urge to look through his contacts to see how many girl’s names are in there. Now, for some guys, putting a clever name in is dead annoying. You could take your chances, or you could just play it safe and put your name in. First and last names are ok, but make the display name just your first.
2. He gives you his number: This gives you the upper hand, but makes you a nervous wreck. Tread with caution.
3. You give him your number: Make sure he asks for it, or else you look desperate.
So! There you have it! Maybe I’ll add more later. I don’t know. Oh, one last thing: If he starts singing in a super auto-tuned voice and then asks for your sign, then says, “Taurus.” Go for it. Serious.
