It’s been a long time coming and I thought that I knew everything that my bf was doing. He met a guy named (P) early this year and I gave him the okay to “have fun” because we still are doing the open relationship thing.
Fast forward to July 10th. I chatted with the guy for the first time one on one. The first questions he asked were, “are you guys still together? Have you broken up? Are you two on a break?” I was really surprised that he would ask that because to my knowledge, my bf told (P) about us. I know that my bf is very secretive and I don’t really know HOW he goes about saying things. He’s always had a problem with communicating ideas across. He’s always being misinterpreted by everyone. I confronted my bf about all the accusations that (P) told me and he was confused, almost not bothered by what he was hearing… maybe for him it wasn’t like that in his head.
(P) told me that when my bf first met him, they were very passionate/loving/caring and said that they started being boyfriends. My bf said that (P) wasn’t used to the way my bf was treating him… they are just supposed to be friends… but why would one say “I love you” call you “babe/baby” kiss often, and have unprotected sex all the time… (that’s what me and my bf do) so I understand why (P) felt a little strange and decided to keep my bf at different distance emotionally than before.
I asked my bf why he would lead someone on falsely. He denied it and just said that it doesn’t mean anything when he does it. Kissing outside of sex is not nothing… that’s not what our open relationship was about. It’s intimate to do those actions, and it will affect the other person. Just because in my bf’s mind, he wasn’t leading (P) to believe they were dating, doesn’t mean he can go ahead and do actions of people who are dating.
He never had protected sex with (P) even after I told him many times to be protected. It’s disrespectful to me that he would be so intimate with someone else on a level we are on.
The accusations kept going. (P) said that my bf was very jealous when he would see other guys and even go to the extreme to check his phone. (They both check each other’s phones). Me… the real bf has, never asked my bf to check his phone.
(P) claimed that my bf made promises to be together again in Taiwan (like to continue their relationship) after he came back from his work.
I confronted my bf with all of this… and he didn’t understand why (P) would believe that they could be together. My bf did say that he keeps (P) in a special place in his heart… more than friends but less than boyfriends. WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you see why I was hesitant to allow an open relationship? Because I single handedly sent Mr. Right into my bfs arms.
All of the actions he did with (P) led to my bf having feelings for him. Up to the point that he wants both of us… to be in a polygamous relationship because he can’t stand the thought of losing either one.
It’s selfish. Careless. Irresponsible.
I never believed that he would take an open relationship this far with someone… to copy all the things he does with his real bf… to a guy that was only supposed to be a fuck buddy. But allowing (P) to wear his clothes, sleep in his room, kiss at random outside of sex, have unprotected sex, take him to see my bfs family, take him hiking and stuff… that was a Relationship they were having. ALL the actions of boyfriends ARE THERE.
Me.. being so in love with my bf even forced it out of my bfs mouth to reveal his true feeling for (P), and asked him to tell (P) himself. But he would only do it if he was sure that I wouldn’t leave him.
Long story short… (P) was not having any of it. (P) was played and misled by my bfs careless actions. He said that he’ll never trust him again and called him a big liar and what my bf knows about (P) is that he will be quick to cut someone out of their lives… which is exactly what my bf is terrified of… being cut out. So, my bf cried and told him that he wants (P) in his life forever.
The truth is… (P) will not consider dating my bf because of all the lies he was led to believe, even though he said “we’ll see” (about 3 people in a relationship), he told me that it’s a definite “no”. My bf was completely lost (P)s trust, but he does not hate him. (P) will always love my bf, and he’s over it.
He officially left today to work and will be back in 9 months. My bf and (P) have made amends and have put that chapter to a close. I told my bf that the open relationship thing is OFFICIALLY OVER. Honestly, my bf doesn’t know the boundaries of having relationships. He treats all his friends the same, his fuck buddies the same, and his boyfriends the same.
He doesn’t know how to categorize his actions. Which actions are appropriate to which group.
Kissing randomly is what boyfriends do… it should’ve never been done with (P).
Unprotected sex is what WE do… it should’ve never been done with (P).
(P) will come to taiwan but there is no chance that he will join me and my bf in our relationship. (P) has made it clear that that’s not what he wants. He will just strictly be our friend.
Now… when it comes to me and how I should react… I honestly told him… because he nurtured a budding relationship with (P) and I knew that something strange was going on between them, and now you have feelings for this guy that won’t go away… my heart would fine leaving him to go on and be happy. My bf immediately burst into tears. That wasn’t his plan, and that’s not what he was expecting.
Although he loves (P) and doesn’t want to lose him…
He loves me more and sees me as his life partner, and doesn’t ever want to lose me. He wants me and (P) to be friends so he can keep both of us. The thing is… that… is selfish.
My bf says that (P) and I will get along great. We are similar in a lot of ways… and if that is true…we don’t take heartbreak like it’s nothing. I’ve been right about so many things and I know I’m right when I say… (P) will move on and it will hurt my bf… but that is what my bf deserves.
Moral of this story? Learn not to be so careless with actions that will end up confusing unsuspecting souls.
