I've left Tumblr for awhile now but this is truly the only place I can express this.
my mark whom i've loved since I was 11, I am filled with a weird concoction of loss and hope. nct will truly never be the same without mark, as talented and lovable the rest of the members are. mark has always been the core of nct's identity, and yet being an nctzen for 9 years I've seen how poorly mark has been worked and used like a money machine and I'm so so relieved he is out of the very place that has kept him prisoner. leaving the people and the place he grew up in must have been a difficult decision, but it was perhaps his greatest form of self-love.
mark lee, you were born for greatness, and I'm confident no matter where you'll go, you'll shine brighter than any star out there. whether you continue to be in the limelight or retreat behind the scenes you'll excel wherever you are, even if it's just to be yourself.
mark lee, who inspired me to chase my dreams, who showed me now is never too late, who showed me that there is value in trying, I'll love and support you wherever you are.
my mark whom i've loved till 20, I'll continue loving you forever. may God continue to light your path and fill your heart with love.
happy belated birthday to my love, mark lee! thank you for being unapologetically you— goofy, mature, awkward, creative, smart, sentimental, and faithful. thank you for inspiring me to be a better version of myself. thank you for inspiring me to chase my dreams. it's because of you I started writing again. you remind me to be thankful, and you remind me that there is so much love to give in this broken world. you remind me to work hard. you remind me to live life. you're a huge blessing to everyone around you whether you know it or not. I pray for many more birthdays, and I pray for an eternity of happiness for you, everyone you love, and everyone who loves you.
RINACHANN HAAAIIII. hi. i missed you fricking muchie how have you been lovely
MY NUNU IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH 🥹🥹 I saw on lqfiles that you've been living life and I'm so glad to hear that!! I've been settling into uni— just moved in to dorm too!! been a wildddd few weeks but I've really missed you sooooo muchhh
mark would argue that it's whatever this is. he thinks he loves you most when you close your eyes and tilt your head up towards the sky, your features warm in the golden of the setting sun. but that would mean the smile on your lips— a soft smile void of uncertainty, a smile he finds his lips involuntarily mirroring— come second, which he isn't sure he can accept. and when your eyes open, orange and yellow marbling with the galaxy of your pupils, as if emitting it's own glow, shift to look at him, he sees a version of his present self that he wouldn't mind becoming his future. as long as it stayed right there in your eyes. unwavering. loving.
"the sunset's beautiful, mark. thanks for bringing me here."
of course. my pleasure. no problem. but mark isn't sure he can take any credit, not when you complete the picture. not when you steal the sun's shine. mark can only muster a shy smile, dimples dipping as his lips resort to a smile to resist the urge to kiss you. mark feels his chest rising and falling in deep breaths as he tries to shift his focus back to the setting sun. but it was as if you had your own gravitational pull, one that seemed to affect mark lee only, like tearing his eyes away from you would burn hotter than staring at the sun.
"mark, watch the sun or you'll miss it!"
you nudge his shoulder gently. mark wonders if you had noticed his stare from your peripheral vision. his cheeks burn at the thought. as long as you didn't notice his silly smile too, mark runs a hand down the bottom half of his face at that thought.
one quick glance. an unconscious thought, but as the sun dips over the horizon, he decides to spend the last second watching you. because unlike the transient beauty of the setting sun, yours is far more worth looking at. and unlike the fleeting view of the setting sun, mark's love is eternal, even though you'd never love him the same way he loved you.
but mark was okay. because love often gives more than it takes, and mark loves you.
this was sitting in my drafts for the longest time so I finally decided to complete it! I miss everyone <3
also I recently hit 500 followers! which is so crazy and so undeserved but thank you for sticking with me despite my flaws and inactivity <3 I love you all!!
mark would argue that it's whatever this is. he thinks he loves you most when you close your eyes and tilt your head up towards the sky, your features warm in the golden of the setting sun. but that would mean the smile on your lips— a soft smile void of uncertainty, a smile he finds his lips involuntarily mirroring— come second, which he isn't sure he can accept. and when your eyes open, orange and yellow marbling with the galaxy of your pupils, as if emitting it's own glow, shift to look at him, he sees a version of his present self that he wouldn't mind becoming his future. as long as it stayed right there in your eyes. unwavering. loving.
"the sunset's beautiful, mark. thanks for bringing me here."
of course. my pleasure. no problem. but mark isn't sure he can take any credit, not when you complete the picture. not when you steal the sun's shine. mark can only muster a shy smile, dimples dipping as his lips resort to a smile to resist the urge to kiss you. mark feels his chest rising and falling in deep breaths as he tries to shift his focus back to the setting sun. but it was as if you had your own gravitational pull, one that seemed to affect mark lee only, like tearing his eyes away from you would burn hotter than staring at the sun.
"mark, watch the sun or you'll miss it!"
you nudge his shoulder gently. mark wonders if you had noticed his stare from your peripheral vision. his cheeks burn at the thought. as long as you didn't notice his silly smile too, mark runs a hand down the bottom half of his face at that thought.
one quick glance. an unconscious thought, but as the sun dips over the horizon, he decides to spend the last second watching you. because unlike the transient beauty of the setting sun, yours is far more worth looking at. and unlike the fleeting view of the setting sun, mark's love is eternal, even though you'd never love him the same way he loved you.
but mark was okay. because love often gives more than it takes, and mark loves you.
this was sitting in my drafts for the longest time so I finally decided to complete it! I miss everyone <3
also I recently hit 500 followers! which is so crazy and so undeserved but thank you for sticking with me despite my flaws and inactivity <3 I love you all!!
hi rinapie!!! just managed to read ur update and firstly CONGRATS ON UNI!!!!!! im sooo proud of u and so excited for u to start on this new chapter of ur life eek ure truly so amazing and wonderful i hope uni treats u well 🥹
secondly ive always been a huge admirer of ur works and im not just trying to gas u up im being so Fr. so genuine. i love reading ur works, any and all kinds. be it smaus or ur written fics, u truly were born to write it always amazes me :] u absolutely did not have to apologise for discontinuing good graces, this is UR blog, UR smau, u should do whatever makes u feel the best!
i also cant wait to see what u have in store for first blossoms!!! whether u decide to continue it as a smau or revamp it into a written work i will Always be the first one here to support you.
i larb u always rinapie & this is a selfish wish of mine but i hope 106alibi stays up even if u decide to switch to a new blog because i cant Live without yuzu yushi #stillyuzushi’snumber1fan ^:p
MIMIIIIIII ☹️☹️☹️ thank you so much for being here through the different season of my life and writing 🫰🫰you give me so much reassurance, confidence, and most of all inspiration to continue writing and posting here and i just know my time here would be so different if I had never met you!! I really can't thank you enough for the love you've shown me and I hope life shows you the love you deserve as well 🫶🫶 I larb u too always mimipie
this is the first ask i’m sending but i jus wanted you to know i really really enjoy ur smaus!! i can’t wait for you to continue writing but i hope you’re doing better and your life is better! pls don’t overwork yourself and we’ll be looking forward to your return <333
hello this is so so sweet and I'm really grateful for this ask <3
I thought I'd use this opportunity to give a life update and sort of what has been on my mind lately.
good news first, I'm entering university soon! and I managed to get into my dream course which is english literature!! also the 3 month programme that I talked about awhile ago is over which means I have more time to be active here, but I have a lot on my mind and some reservations about coming back here.
I'm not the same person I was 3 months ago, and for the longest time one of my biggest inner conflicts was 'how much of myself should go into my works?'. I love writing and I'll always love writing, and I also don't know if most of you have realised but my written works compared to my smaus have very very different moods/tones! it's not always a bad thing, but I definitely feel more like myself in my written works than in smaus.
good graces, for example, doesn't feel like myself at all and embarrassingly one of the reasons why I started it is because it seemed like something nctzens tend to enjoy here. on the other hand, first blossoms is a genre that feels more like myself so I have no qualms when it comes to writing it.
good graces was fun to write and plot, but after a while I realised I was forcing myself to churn out updates and continue the storyline. I was writing scenes and using language that didn't align with my values and who I was at all, but I did it because I felt like it was my responsibility as a writer, and I had people waiting for me.
people read for a variety of reasons, and a lot of people read smaus for the humour and maybe even as a form of escapism, and there's nothing wrong with that. I enjoy a good laugh from smaus too 😭 but as a writer and someone who takes writing maybe a little too seriously, what I put out is a representation of myself, and I don't think I've been representing myself well at all.
this is my official apology that I don't think I'll continue good graces and I'm sorry for breaking my promise. if you followed me solely for good graces, I'm sorry to disappoint you. first blossoms might be revamped into a written format or continued as an smau, but I'm afraid to make any definitive statements.
as for this blog, don't worry I won't deactivate and leave!!! I've met so many amazing people on this app and I've never regretted posting my works here!! I might leave 106alibi up and make a new blog or refresh this blog to make it more...me?
and just as a self reminder, and maybe a reminder to other writers out there: who and what are you writing for?
NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.
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