more than friends kind of feelings
but what if it ruin our friendship?
a/note: this account is supposed to be just to read some stuff and escape from real life responsibilities for a little, but I wrote something and I didn't hate it sooo here it is...
content: a little angst, a little fluffy, suggestive, mentions of sex (but no smut).
Woke up feeling a comfortable and nice warmth around me, stretching a little I felt something heavy on my stomach.
Looks like Kiki came to the room to make me company.
Opening my eyes slowly, I finally saw that it isn't my cat sleeping on my belly, instead, there's a strong muscular arm holding me.
Jongin’s arm.
Their relationship was a bit…
Complicated...
At first, they got along really well. They met after their best friends started dating a couple years ago and they became good friends pretty soon.
(y/n) had a crush on Jongin from the start, she'll never admit it though.
I have no clothes on… and neither has he.
I was hoping that maybe it would've been just a very wild dream, but it looks like it was very real.
We slept together.
Oh my God! I’m so stupid!
I need to get out of here right now.
Carefully, I took his arm off me, I collected my clothes that were lying around his bedroom, trying to be as silent as possible to not wake him up. After picking up all my stuff, I looked up to check and he’s still sleeping peacefully.
Good.
Aaaarrgh… Why does he have to be so fucking pretty?!
She thinks no one can see she drooling for him, but with the exception of Jongin himself, everyone could notice. The same way everyone, except her, could see the loving way he looked at her.
I left his room, put my clothes on and basically ran out of his apartment as fast as I could.
A couple of minutes later, I was finally in the safety of my home. Kiki, my cat, came to greet me at the door, already complaining about how long I was out. I gave her some food and a good belly rub. And after taking a long nice shower, I threw myself in my bed and couldn't help but think about last night.
How could I let this happen?
How weak am I?
But things really got complicated between them a couple of weeks ago.
“Hey!” - The tall man said, shyly.
He was nervous, coming to her house at this hour was an impulsive decision and he was not sure of what to do now.
“Jongin? It’s almost 11pm. What are you doing here?” (y/n) was surprised to see him that late. “Is everything alright?” She said giving him space to enter the apartment, already getting worried.
“Did I wake you?” He asked while walking in.
“No, I was finishing some paperwork and checking my schedule for tomorrow.”
Kiki came meowing through the hallway to greet him.
“Hey, pretty!” He squatted to pet the cat, who happily started to purr.
“She likes you.” She said smiling. “C’mon. Tell me what’s going on.” She patted his shoulder and passed by him.
He got up, and nervously followed her to the living room.
“I, I kind need to talk to you.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“What is it?” She was getting a little anxious at this point.
“So… We’ve known each other for a while now… And you know… We hang out a lot together, so… God, I must look like a teenage boy…” He said flustered. “I like you, (y/n). Like, really like you.”
“What??” She asked not sure if she had listened right.
“I have feelings for you. More-than-friends kind of feelings, and… I wish we could…”
“Are you drunk?” She asked in shock, cutting him mid sentence.
“No!”
She looked at him for a second, trying to understand what was happening.
“That’s not a really funny joke, Jongin.” She said, her voice trembling a little, a nervous smile on her lips.
“I’m not joking! Do you really think I would joke about that?” He said, offended.
“Then what the hell is that? Are you high? It’s this some kind of code for help?”
“Why is it so hard for you to understand? I was loud and clear! I have feelings for you.”
She felt like her world was upside down. Hundreds of catastrophic scenarios playing in her mind.
“(y/n)?” He called after not getting an answer.
“It’s too complicated, we both know, it wouldn't be easy. I can’t afford any distractions now. This… It just can not happen. No, not possible!” She mumbled, a list of a thousand ways it could ruin their friendship in her mind.
One thing about (y/n): she’s an overthinker. And kind of pessimistic as well. Especially when it comes to love.
She firmly believes she isn’t made for love. After having a share of heartbreaks, and growing up witnessing the very unhappy marriage of her parents, she figure it out that she’s just meant to be alone. She accepted it as her fate and she threw herself wholeheartedly into her career. She had always dreamed of being an independent woman and turn her passions into a successful career. In the end, being unlucky in love was a good thing—no distractions from pursuing her goals.
“What!?”
Jongin, on the other hand, is a romantic. He loves love. Not that he’s obsessed with being in a relationship, or finding “the one”, or all that rom coms stuff, but he really wants to live a calm romance, share his happiness with someone special, love and be loved and hopes to build a stable and healthy relationship.
He’s also very focused and serious about his job, he works really hard, but he doesn’t think that a relationship will jeopardize it. Actually, (y/n)’s ambitions and focus is exactly one of the things he admires about her, and why he thinks she can be that special someone.
“I’m sorry, Jongin. I’m focused on my work, it’s my priority and you have your studio to take care of. We’re better off as friends. If that’s all you have to say. You can leave now!” She said turning around to not look at him.
Uurrghhh…
I still can't believe I was so weak!
All it took was a kiss.
A damn kiss.
Those goddamn lips!
I was screaming at him when he just kissed me.
And a damn kiss was all it took me to end up…
Under him last night.
Kiki jumps on my bed and snuggles with me, purring.
“You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with all this crap, pretty.” I said, petting her. “You just eat, nap, play and look cute, right?" She meowed and I let out a chuckle.
My cell phone started ringing, taking me of my thoughts.
It's him.
Shit! Shit!
What do I do? What do I do?
Shit!!!
I jumped out of bed, receiving an unhappy meow from Kiki, and left the phone ringing until he finally gave up. In time, I took my stuff to go and tried to think of a place I could go now. He's probably going to come here looking for me and I'm not really for it.
I'm going to Nonna’s!
There I can get some work done and take my mind off what happened last night, then I can go for a walk…
They really couldn’t avoid each other, even if she really tried to. They were in the same group of friends. Their best friends were dating.
Actually, they’re engaged, and these two are supposed to enter the ceremony together.
Last night was the surprise party for one of their friends' birthdays. Jongin suggested for it to be in his house, which was fine until they bumped into each other in the kitchen and started an argument.
The rest of the group didn’t really witness the fight, but they all could sense that something was off, even with both of them pretending nothing happened.
After spending the day at Nonna's and walking around a little, I was finally home. It’s late, almost midnight actually.
Now let's see how much time I'll be able to avoid him.
‘Knock knock knock’
Oohh no…
‘Knock knock knock’
Approaching the door slowly I peaked in the peephole and…
Well...
Jongin was on the other side of the door, and well…
He looked mad.
“C’mon, (y/n), I know you are looking at me from the peephole. So open it already!”
With a heavy breath I opened the door.
Yeah, he's mad.
Who would've guess…
“What are you doing here, it's almost midnight!”
“It's already midnight. And I'm here because you spend the whole day hiding from me. You sneak out in the morning, don't answer my calls or texts and then avoid me for the entire day after last night.” He said, making his way towards the living room. He's really mad, I can see he's doing his best to stay calm, trying to keep it together and not explode. “Honestly, I never thought you could be so cruel. How could you do that?” He said, turning around and looking directly at me.
Shit.
“Well… I just… we've made a mistake, so I thought it would've been better this way.”
I mean I know that was not the ideal thing to do, but I have my reasons!
“Why would you call what we did a mistake??”
“So, since Carol and I came in different cars, we’ll be dropping the drunk ones home. (y/n), you stay and help Jongin clean, right? He can give you a ride home after. It’s friday, you don’t have to worry about waking up early.” Amy suggested while picking up her keys, already seeing her best friend wanting to run away.
“Yeah, sure.” She said trying her best to not give in her voice how much she didn’t want to be left alone with him.
“Okay! C’mon honey, you can take Viola, Lisa and Taemin to their houses, I’ll be taking care of the rest.”
“Alright! C’mon happy people, time to go home and sober up! Bye you two, have fun cleaning! See you later, love.” Carol said, pulling Lisa out the door and throwing a kiss to her fiancée.
“See you monday, (y/n)! Bye, Jongin!” Amy said, already out the door.
“Drive safe.” (y/n) said, while Jongin only murmured a ‘goodnight’.
They looked at each other for a moment, the tension making the air around them feel heavy.
Jongin was confused, he didn't understand why she believed a relationship between them would be so complicated and he knew her well enough to see that she’s not being totally honest with him.
(y/n) was the first to break eye contact, starting to pick up the empty bottles. Exhaling deeply, Jongin also started cleaning. They were in a deadly silence, and she was trying her best to ignore him.
“We shouldn't have done that, and you know that pretty well, Jongin!”
“No, I don't know that. Actually, I don't understand how sleeping with the one I'm in love with can be such a mistake.”
They were almost done with the cleaning, she was still ignoring his presence, focused only on her task. Until Jongin finally felt like it was enough. He wanted the truth.
“I’m done with this shit, alright. We’re not kids anymore, so can you explain to me why it is so impossible?” He snapped.
She was on the other side of the room cleaning the coffee table. At first she didn’t answer, still ignoring him, but he wouldn’t have it.
“(y/n)?” He insisted.
“Just try to be a little bit reasonable, Jongin!”
“Reasonable with what? What is so unreasonable about this?” He said, leaving the broom he was using to sweep the floor and going towards her.
“It wouldn’t work, we’re friends!” She said getting up and throwing the napkin she was using away.
“Oh, C’mon!” They were in front of each other now.
“It’s valid!!” She spat, raising her voice a little.
He really wanted to kiss her.
“I’m not saying it isn’t valid, but it’s not good enough to explain why we can’t even try!” He stepped closer to her.
“Why can't you just accept that I’m right and let it go.” She said, messing with her hair trying to calm down.
“Because you’re wrong!!”
“My dear God! You’re so frustrating, Jongin! Thi-”
He shut her up with a kiss.
“Don't -”
“No! I'm gonna say it! I'm in love with you! Whether you want to believe it or not, it's the truth. And I'll keep saying until whatever it is that scares you so much disappears. I'm in love with you!”
“Fuck, Jongin! You know this isn't gonna work!”
“Why are you so scared of this? And don't even try to say that you don't feel the same, because I know you, and if you didn't reciprocate my feelings last night wouldn't have happened!”
Unfortunately, he's right.
But this can't happen, we’re friends, our best friends are engaged, it's just too complicated, and one of us is going to end up hurt.
“Jongin, please! I'm just trying to look out for us. Both of us! This is too complicated, it can ruin our friendship, you know that!”
Jongin looked towards the kitchen worriedly. It’s been almost 20 minutes since (y/n) went there to answer her phone, and the expression she made when she saw the screen showed that that was not a call she wanted to get.
He was debating with himself if he should or not go there and check if she was okay, when she came back in the room. A deep frown covering her face and a pount on her lips.
“Is everything alright?” He asked when she dropped herself on the couch.
“Someone kill me, please.” She whined.
“What’s the problem, pretty?” Carol, who was sitting by her side, asked.
“My parents, as always. Why can’t they just get divorced like normal people?”
“I’m sorry.” Amy said.
“Are they really that bad?” Jongin asked, cautious.
“Worse than bad. They're a nightmare.” She answered letting out a long breath.
“I’m sorry.” He said feeling helpless seeing her like that.
“We're both consenting adults here! Why can’t we just have an honest conversation and figure things out?” He said, looking at me.
I can see the honesty in his eyes, and being honest myself, I do have feelings for him. Strong feelings. But being even more honest, I can only imagine this blowing up in our faces, like it always does with me.
I don’t want to lose him.
I don’t want to hurt him.
I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
I don’t want to get hurt again.
“Jongin…”
“Seriously, why can't you even give us a chance?”
(y/n) was sitting on a table at Nonna’s Caffè, enjoying a cake and a cappuccino.
“So, how’s dating life going, bambina?”
Nonna, or Beatrice, is an Italian lady, owner of the cozy coffee shop (y/n) loves so much, her absolutely favorite place in the whole town, her safe space.
Beatrice and (y/n) became good friends, the older lady actually jokes that she adopted (y/n).
“I don’t have time for it, Nonna.”
“(y/n), (y/n)... You can't give up on love because of one bad experience."
“Love gave up on me, it’s different. And it wasn’t just a bad experience, it was every experience.”
“Someone good is going to come into your life, bambina. Just wait and see.”
“I’m really focused on my career, and I have my friends and you, Nonna. I don’t need a relationship. I’m good.” she said with a shrug.
“Well, I think it’s a big mistake.” Nonna said, sipping her coffee. “What about that korean guy? Your friend… Jongin, right? He’s cute and ver-”
“Jongin is just a friend.” She interrupted Nonna abruptly.
“Va bene, va bene!”
“I don't want to get hurt.” I said, my voice just a little bit above a spear. “And I don't want you to get hurt either. And I can see you're already hurting, I don’t want that! I don’t wanna lose you.”
Well… I guess I just said it.
He looked at me, his eyes softening.
“(y/n)... I'm so in love with you. It's crazy, I’ve never felt like this.” He said getting closer to me. “You’ll never lose me, (y/n). I don’t want a life without you, I can’t even imagine it.” He's really close now. “Give us a chance.”
“Jongin… you know how this is gonna end.”
“Probably with you under me, like last night.” He teased, with a stupid smirk on his damn stupid so kissable plump lips.
“Jongin, our jobs…”
“You don't have to neglect your work. I know how important your career is, I support you now and I always will. I can promise you that.”
“But our friends…”
“They're adults, babe. They can deal with it.”
“You're not making it easy for me when you have a solution to every excuse I made.” I said, making him chuckle.
“We both know it's not gonna be easy.”
“Don't use my words against me!” I whine making him laugh this time.
“Let's try this, hum?”
“I don't know how those things work, Jongin. I’m not good at it.”
“We can figure it out together, it's not like I know either.” He put a loose strand of hair behind my ear, getting even closer. “What do you say?” He smiled.
So I kissed him.
These damn lips!
I guess he's right about how it's gonna end.