Looking for Kili was not something you typically needed to do. He almost always let you know where he was going.
He had told you earlier today that he would be with Thorin doing patrols so you probably would not see him much. You had asked to join him but he said that Fili was busy and someone needed to be with Mari. You understood wanting personal space so you agreed and said you would see him when he came back. He kissed you and Mari as he left you both in bed.
As you and Mari walked the halls her cute little tottel was heart melting. Apparently Thorin though so as well. "Mari you are getting too big. You break my heart sulkhalûkh." You almost broke your neck as you quickly looked up to see Thorin with a wide smile reaching down for Mari.
"Did you just get back?" You asked looking for Kili thinking that maybe he was busy putting things way still.
"Get back?" Thorin raised his eye brows as he played with Mari's little hands. "Oh from patrol we came back hours ago." He said looking up at you.
"Where did Kili get off to then. He said you would be gone until late."
"We finished quickly and came back sooner than planned."
"Do you know where he went I wanted to show him something."
"I am not sure he did not tell me." Thorin's eyes went wide and he put his focus back on Mari. Your eyes narrowed at the old dwarf. Kili almost always voiced where he was going like his life was the most interesting news anyone in his family ever needed to hear.
"He mush have been in a rush because he dismounted and ran off mumbling something about having to see her. Leaving me to clean up after him." Thorin sighed with an eye roll and rubbed Mari's chin checking for hair like the company always did.
"I don't know I thought he meant you or Mari."
"Can I leave Mari with you?" You asked an uncommon feeling rising up in you. You paced your breathing as you tried to come up with a logical reason, not the panic your brain was flooding with.
"Absolutely." Thorin said too over joyed for the extra time with his niece notice your state.
You walked down the hall Thorin talking to Mari melting into the distance as he walked the opposite way from you. The world seemed to melt away.
Things that you had written off as flukes now stuck out as red flags as you looked for Kili.
Being late late to things he had planned for the two of you.
Saying you both would meet up for archery practice and he was an hour late.
Him saying he would be with Fili for the day and then Fili saying he must have said the wrong name because he had not seen him.
Being late to dinner because he was planning something.
Him saying he would meet you in Dale and then forgetting that saying he was swamped in papers trying to help Thorin.
Your ran your hands through your hair trying to get a grip on the world.
You were not naive you had been to enough taverns and seen men with women that were not their wives. Not Kili. He was the kind of man to have a single focus. Once he had his eyes on something everything in the sidelines melted away.
Am I now on the sidelines?
Do they have more in common?
Were those women at the party right?
The rest of your day passed like a fog you searched for Kili but where ever he was he was hidden well.
Your anger began to grow as your day passed with out finding him. After hours of looking you went back to the training hall. Beating a practice dummy helped a bit. How ever it did not stop the panic at the idea of Kili with another woman.
Passing by a room with the hilt of your sword clutched in your hands as you heard a laugh that made your heart flutter as you moved to the door. Till it crashed to the floor. "Yes! You are wonderful. I will tell (Y/N) tomorrow I promise."
Your heart pounded in your ears and tears flooded your eyes as you heard a female voice respond. "I hope she is ready to go. Dose she suspect anything?"
You charged to the door ready to hit fist ask questions second.
"No I made sure she knows nothing but she will tomorrow and everything will be perfect." The words felt like a rusty sword was being driven through you.
Running away was an understatement. Your feet pounded the ground beneath them and leading you to the exit of the mountain. Mari pops into your head before you could take another step you wipe your face and make your way to Thorin's room.
He and Mari are sitting and reading a book about a jumping dragon. You walk over giving little notice and pulling your daughter away. Walking out of the room as Thorin's shouts follow after you.
Leaving the mountain you make your way to Dale and find an inn with a room. You give the woman behind the counter instructions that you are not here and more money to make sure she knows the story well.
In your room you feed and give Mari a bath getting her ready for bed. "Adad?" Mari starts to cry looking around for Kili.
"Shhhh sweet girl it's okay. Amad is here."
Once Mari is asleep and you know she will not wake you brake down face in a pillow sobs and screams wracking your body as you fall apart.
You could not help but lay thier and think about Kili. No you shook your head as you thought if he does not want me I don't need him.
You planned to stay in the inn for a few more days as you planned where to move on to next. Finding work when you did not have to worry about a baby was one thing. Becoming a guard was out of the question. You milled around a market with Mari wrapped to your chest. Looking at different packs and a change of clothes so that you could start a move on.
When you came back to the inn you told the lady that you would be moving on in a few days she told you that the man in the corner booth was looking for a woman that looked like you. She gave you a sheepish glance as she held up a large sack of coin. You sighed and rolled your eyes as you stroked the back of Mari's head.
As you glanced to see your husband in the corner of the inn's tavern waiting for you to sit. You contemplate your chances of getting to the door. Kili places a hand on the table his eyes moving between you and the door. You glance to see Fili seated near the door and wonder how you missed him when you came in.
Moving slowly to the table Kili leaned in as you sat down. "What do you want?" You cut out your tongue lashing at him like a sword.
"Amral," his hand reached for you slowly and you flinched away. "what is wrong?"
"You think a pretty name and soft touch is going to make up for what you did?" You asked softly stroking Mari's hair and patted her back as she slept.
"What did I do? The last time I saw you I held you and kissed you both as I said good bye." He asked hand still out reached.
"Did you hold and kiss her too?" You glared at his hand so close that part of you wanted to grab it out of habit.
"I woul...Kiss who?" He looked into your soul with his pained brown eyes. "Ghivashel, I have never touched another woman the way I would you."
"Oh just get it over with Kili you said you would tell me so don't lie to both of us. You have been late so often and so unfocused. I should have guessed but I never thought you would be one to cheat!" You took deep breaths as you felt Mari stir and looked down to see her face scrunched up.
Kili's hand slammed on the table as he stood knocking his chair to the floor. "Cheat?" He yelled looking as gutted as you felt. You shushed Mari hoping she would not wake to hear any of this.
"You heard what I said." You stared at him.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mari and I found Thorin, he said you two had come back hours ago and that you had to go see her. I searched almost the entire mountain before I decided to go work off some steam. Then what do I hear as I pass by in the hall, you telling some woman that you would tell me. That she was wonderful. You saying things would be perfect. She asked if I was ready to go. Well I was not ready. I will never be ready, I love you, you dumb dwarf! I had never felt more shattered in my life then hearing that!" You said now fully yelling, Mari crying. Fili getting up and moving to you.
"As always." Fili said in a deep bow. You handed her over keeping a watchful eye as he walked away Mari pulling on his mustache braids while he calmed her down.
"ZĂȘzantĂȘ," Kili walks to you eyes watering hands gently moving towards you. ",I would never. You two mean more to me than anything, anything. When uncle said that you had taken Mari and you did not come to bed I knew that I had to find you. I had to find out why you would leave. I am sorry I even gave off the impression that I would do such a thing. But you running a way is not going to fix it you have to talk to me. Why didn't you barge in and see what was happening."
You cut him off. "I wanted to drive my sword through both of you. I figured Thorin would not take that well and let me live so I left."
"Ghivashel I was planning a surprise for you."
"I hate surprises." You said rolling your eyes.
Kili laughed. "I know that was why I wanted to make it something you would love. Can you just come see what it would have been?"
"There is no other woman?"
"No not like that she is a painter. Come see." He said slowly taking your hand and leading you out of the bar. Fili followed close behind with Mari.
Kili led you to a part of the forest near Dale where a tunnel of trees had become on fire with the seasons.
"Thorin and I found this on our last trip to Dale and I wanted to make sure it would look good in your favorite color so I waited and then when I saw it last autumn I knew it would be perfect. So I arranged for Gathora to paint a portrait of us and we were getting ready to tell you yesterday."
"Two years! You have been planning this for two years." You spun around to see him.
"I needed it to be perfect."
"I ruined that." He looked down at you a smile on his face that made you melt.
"You made it interesting. More action and searching than I had planned." He laughed. That made Mari look around past the leaves and pretty trees to find him.
"Adad!" She said and waddled her way to him. Kili's smile grew wide as he turned to look at her.
"Adad, adad!" She shouted with joy and rushed him. He scooped her up and laughed as he asked her to say it again.