delicious ambiguity

Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted.

[14rugger]

What’s tough about going away from Tumblr and coming back to it after 5 years is that sometimes is rehashing old stuff you forgot about...

Oh life.

[14rugger]

When I was in middle school my half sister, who was significantly older than me, got pancreatic cancer and passed away. I was too young to really understand what happened and accept it.

Within the past few months, pancreatic cancer has come up three times.

1.) During the holidays, a customer at my job tried to guilt me into letting him return pants he bought two years ago by telling me that a few months after he purchased them, his mother got sick with pancreatic cancer. He then went on to tell me that some day I’ll realize there are more important things in life than return policies. I informed him that my sister died of that same cancer and I started to tear up and offered to do the return. He told me it was too late, I had my chance and that within 10 years I’ll know more people who will die of that cancer and he took his pants and walked away. (I’m not an evil policy witch but he also had something he was returning that he’d just purchased two weeks prior so it wasn’t like he’s been a hermit over the prior two years!)

2.) My mom texted me to tell me about Alex Trebek’s diagnosis and I watched his video announcement.

3.) I was helping at my old store again yesterday and one of the associates was wearing purple and when I complimented her on it, she told me she liked to wear purple in remembrance and her friend who died from pancreatic cancer.

I’m a scientist at heart but I also put a lot of power into coincidences and believe that everything happens for a reason. I woke up this morning in a mini panic attack because I was worried I was missing the message that the universe is trying to send me. Do I know someone who will get sick? Am I getting sick? Do I need to go to the doctor? What are you trying to tell me, universe?!?

[14rugger]

March Blog a Day - Day 8

8. Favorite gif response

Pretty much anything from Parks and Rec...

[14rugger]

March Blog a Day - Day 7

7. Biggest surprise you have faced when traveling somewhere new

This is going to sound dumb and it really kinda is but I’m always surprised by how truly different every place is even when you’re within the same state sometimes. Yes, things will be similar because we are humans who have the same basic needs, I get that. I’m just always amazed at how something as simple as a soft drink can be called a “pop,” “soda,” or a “coke” and we are all talking about the same thing. The grocery store I go to every week, Giant, is completely unknown to someone who lives on the other side of my state. Crossing to the other coast means I get to see and experience completely different fast food joints and see people who will go surfing before work instead of bike around a park for their morning exercise. Don’t even get me started on places in other countries!

Every place is it’s own unique community and that’s what gets me every time.

[vanpocalypsenow-deactivated2019]

Love him so much.

[normisme]

Dammit

[spinningininfinity]

This is the absolute worst.

[saberomega]

What a class act. So sad.

[14rugger]

This makes me sad but also hopeful he might actually beat it.

[14rugger]

March Blog a Day - Day 6

6. Favorite music for dancing

I’m not a big dancer so if something does move me, it’s usually pop music or something from the 70s and 80s. I like to be able to sing along as I dance!

[14rugger]

I don’t want to work today

I don’t want to work today

[decembersoul]

Libraries with a sense of humour.

[14rugger]

I’m helping at my old store today

And I think it’s a little like when you run into an ex of yours. You remember all the good times and why you liked each other but, by the end of the day, you also remember why you broke up.

Although I have been told that I look skinnier and a new person called me the “legendary Jackie” because he heard all about how awesome I was when I worked here. Not to toot my own horn or anything...

[14rugger]

March Blog a Day - Day 5

5. A moment that shifted your perspective on mental health.

I once had a roommate who I’d known since high school and thought was one of my best friends. She and I lived together for over a year, even moving states together, and then everything just seemed to unravel all of a sudden. I learned that she was a pathological liar who had lied about so many things in our relationship but covered it up so well. I won’t go into the long, crazy story but we ended up parting ways in a really unfortunate manner and never spoke to each other again. Her mother called me to apologize for everything that happened and explained to me that her daughter had mental health problems but had stopped taking the proper meds as soon as she turned 18.

I would occasionally get updates on her from mutual friends who would see her on facebook and I would often check her page to see what she was up to because we still lived in the same city. She put me through hell and caused me so much pain so, despite what her mother told me, I still painted her to be the villain in my story. Eventually, she did meet someone and she got married, she looked so happy. Shortly after that, she committed suicide. I still remember where I was when I found out. I cried for her. I felt bad for what her life had become and how it ended so tragically.

She wasn’t a bad person, she was suffering from mental health problems and never found a way to cope.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“I know that feeling. You have to do something. You have to change something radically, because you can’t stay like you are for another second, or you’re going to explode.”

— Jennifer Echols (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[14rugger]

After a particularly frustrating day, it feels so fucking good to speed on my way home.

Didn’t want to push 90mph because it’s dark but 85 still feels good.

[14rugger]

I only have time to be off the floor for about 45 min today

So I’m burning my mouth on hot chili, aka lunch, while shredding last month’s paperwork, reading my emails, and updating my sales boards with this month’s numbers.

Oh, and typing this post.

You’re wondering how I have that many hands, aren’t you?? Muahahaha!

[14rugger]

March Blog a Day - Day 4

4. Who/what has inspired you to change your life.

This is going to be sappy but my Boo has inspired me to change my life.

When we first started dating, he was in CA and I lived here in PA. It was tough to do the long distance thing though we would see each other when we could and talked constantly. I knew he had the potential to be The One for me but my heart couldn’t take the time apart and neither of us was in a spot to move cross-country any time soon so I ended it. He never let go though and fought to stay in my life. Eventually he surprised me and told me that he got a job in PA with his company so he was going to transfer to be near me because I was “worth it all.” He packed up what would fit in his car and drove 4 days in the middle of February to be with me.

That’s just the way he is, he is as selfless as they come. He has encouraged me to do what makes me happy and tells me that he will support me no matter what I do. His love has inspired me to be the best partner I can be for him and consequently that has trickled into all my relationships, work and personal. I want to be the person he sees when he looks at me. The best part is that I don’t HAVE to change to make him happy, I WANT to change to keep us happy.

[14rugger]

I was gone for 4 days!

That’s it, just FOUR DAYS! My managers be up in here acting like gosh darn mutha f’in cowboys in my absence!

Now I need to crack some skulls!

[14rugger]

eBay is the ultimate time sucker and mind twister

How is it possible to go from searching for Disney pins to questioning how I might be able to mount a video projector on my ceiling so I can play MarioKart and feel like I’m actually in the kart?

eBay, that’s how it’s possible.

[14rugger]

My pet peeve that isn’t really a pet peeve

I get annoyed when people ask me if I’m ok when I don’t think I’m showing any signs of NOT being ok.

I’m just living my life here, people! Some times, yes SOME TIMES, I don’t smile allllll the time. I can have a thinking face! Sheesh!