Moods of Icarus Falls, Pt. 2
Good Guy - one orange accent wall in a karaoke bar, a beaten up electric guitar with the strings too loose, taking shortcuts home through the alleyways, knowing someone is behind you and making a point of not turning to see who it is, arguing on the doorstep and slamming the door behind you
You Wish You Knew - not catching someone during a trust fall and not being able to explain why; dancing too close for comfort but not making eye contact; answering in riddles and metaphors; letting someone too close and pushing them away; standing in front of a car with its headlights on, bickering in the rain
Sour Diesel - scary movies where the main victim turns out to be the villain, the smell of weed at a frat house party, time slowing down when somebody walks into the room, going to a nightclub for the first time in the 90s, the feeling that they know more than they’re letting on, doing unspeakable things to be the object of your obsession, driving too fast on the freeway, meeting unexpectedly in a parking lot
Satisfaction - blue steel glinting in the moonlight, watching someone leave and being unable to will your feet to chase after them, kisses filled with sadness and uncertainty, being afraid that if you turn on the light it will make everything real, blue jean jackets, forcing yourself not to cry, saying it’s the last time when you said that the time before
Scripted - a TV set on a grey static screen, loneliness in a crowded room, the words that come to mind not being enough, coming home to find all the furniture gone, calling every time you’re back in town but being afraid of putting a name to what’s happening between you, hesitation of a broken heart
Entertainer - developing pictures in a red room, pretending you know less than you do for the sake of seeing what they do next, black stilettos with red soles, sleeping with the enemy, channeling the sadness of betrayal into pragmatic anger, constantly checking your watch, theatric orchestration of the ultimate betrayal, having imaginary arguments in your head, silver jewelry and glittery dresses in the VIP section of the club
All That - showing up unannounced at 11 PM; leather jackets, messy hair; never knowing why they open the door when they know it’s you and being too afraid to ask; a sterile penthouse apartment with edges too sharp for the too-soft person who lives there; setting a painting slightly askew to make it feel like a place where somebody lives; scratched up Zippos; black cars with chrome rims and a new car smell that never fades
Good Years - a golden horizon with pink clouds, watching the sunrise at 7 AM, pouring out your heart to an empty stadium, unsent text messages, day-drinking, the hollow feeling of remembering how clever you used to think you were, meeting again in a crowd full of people and longing for more than cold recognition in their eyes, wondering when you stopped feeling bitter and started feeling sad instead
Fresh Air - the tightness in your throat when the words won’t come out, not being sure who’s right or wrong anymore, blacklight paintings with the lights on, the feeling that you’re your own worst enemy, standing in an empty warehouse with someone you weren’t ready to face
Rainberry - always being two steps ahead, pretending you’re bad at chess to see what strategies your opponent favors, blood in a white porcelain sink, hiding behind a mask of perfect makeup and overconfidence, planting an idea in their head and letting them think they came up with it, asking someone where they are while being exactly where they say they are, raspberry red nail polish
Insomnia - walking through an empty park at night, stuck in the same loop of thoughts; wondering if your memories are real or manufactured; cracks in the sidewalk; feeling someone’s hand on your shoulder when there’s nobody there; sleeping on the couch because you can’t handle being alone in your bed
No Candle No Light - the hollow ache of not even being noticed by the one you want to see you the most; a flame burning low, orange and red; the awkward collection of the things you left in the drawer at their house; questioning if they ever loved you at all; blazing sunlight falling on white sheets; coffee at 8 AM; realizing the relationship ended without anyone’s permission
Fingers - crackling embers of a dying flame, the blue glow of a phone screen on your skin, wanting to say you’re sorry but knowing that’s not enough, staring blankly at a white wall, thinking you see their face in strangers, looking for any sign that they’re as hurt as you are, a blank Instagram page
Too Much - hooking up in the backseat of a too-small car; being afraid of asking: “what are we?”; bright pink lights on an empty stage; gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles
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