I find it very frustrating and incredibly hurtful when I read comments that objectify a person or a character into a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’, based purely on their interpretation of said character’s personality, temperament or physique.
The idea that the taller, buffer, more masc guy is the top in an m|m relationship and the smaller, slimmer, more femme guy is the bottom is a toxic stereotype that stems from traditional hetero tropes where one is the ‘man’ (read: power, dominance, self-reliance) and the other is the ‘woman’ (read: weak, submissive, dependence).
Not only does this perpetuate the negative social constructs around masculinity, but also those around femininity.
It reinforces this assumption that getting fucked means getting fucked over. That being a bottom impugns on your claim to masculinity. That it is shameful. That it means you are passive, inferior and subservient. When, in actual fact, it means none of these things. Again, these are all prejudicial judgements that draw parallels between bottoming and being the ‘woman’ in the relationship/sexual encounter.
I respect that, as an individual, you have your personal preferences when it comes to your sexual interests. And you have every right to these. They are your own. You may wish to share them (with a partner, for instance, or with your readers in a fanfic), but imposing them on other people, especially in the format of ‘I could never see X bottoming’ or ‘Y is obviously the top in this ship’ is damaging in so many ways, I can’t even.
Yes, there are people who self-identify as exclusive tops or bottoms. But that is a label they have chosen for themselves, and not one that has been mandated on them by someone else – least of all a stranger whom they have never had and never will have sexual relations with.
The notion that a person is either a top or bottom is a binary system that reflects outdated and discriminatory beliefs that sexuality is an either/or. That there is nothing in between. That the fucking rainbow is black and white.
Fun fact: The majority of gay men are actually vers. Because why would you want to limit your sexual experiences by being an either/or, when you could be both ;)
I’m not talking out of my ass here (pun fucking intended). As a cis man of slight stature with very little body hair who looks younger than his years, I am used to being described as femme or a twink – and automatically designated ‘a total bottom’.
It’s offensive. And really, really uncool :) Don’t do it. Unless I self-identify as an exclusive bottom, please do not presume what my sexual preferences are.
This is not a personal attack, anon. I’m sure your intentions were sincere and well-meaning.
I just really felt like it was high time I had my two cents on this topic. And I’m more than happy to hear you out, too.
Also, I’m so fucking sorry for hijacking your ask, @call-me-ala
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