The Cave

Pointless News

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Return of the Farting Jedi (who Farts) (by OneMinuteGalactica)

Just HAD to start out the day this way. There's nothing greater than a good star wars spoof clip.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

STEVE JOBS ALIVE?!?! No, just an ultra realistic 12 inch figure that's made in china. But what's creepy about this figure is that knowing full well that Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, is dead people are being fooled by the ridiculously realistic pictures and poses this doll can create. There has been plenty of outrage over this doll, but we at the cave don't see why. If anything this detailed piece of art is the only doll on the market worthy of carrying the "Creator's" name.

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DARTH VADER DIES!!!!!

Well, not THE Darth Vader, but the actor who dueled in the Lightsaber duel scenes, Bob Anderson, has passed away at 89. 

Though few people knew it, Anderson dueled in some of Star Wars most famous scenes in Return of the Jedi and Empire Strikes Back. He helped set the standard for Lightsaber duels and has sparked a lifetime of movie duel comparison conversations in which he will always be declared the superior. RIP.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

BACK IN THE GAME!!!!

Yes Dennis Rodman is back in the spotlight for basketball. No he wont be playing. He'll be coaching.

Dennis Rodman is holding tryouts for a basketball team, a very particular team. A team of Exotic dancers. Thats Right. and they wont be playing in skimpy lingerie, no that would be too easy. They are going to play topless. Good or Bad this is going to get alot of attention.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

SIRI WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH?!!!!!

A 12 year old boy asked his iPhone 4S a Simple Question, "How many people are there in the world?" and Siri had this to say:

"Shut the Fuck up, you ugly Twat."    WAIT WHAT?!?!

The boy's mother asked the phone the same question and it blared out the same obscenities. Apple, when asked about Siri's loss of temper, gave a BS answer about owners names and pranks. But the fact of the matter is that Siri said it. Maybe you should check your firewalls Apple.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

CHANGE FOR A MILLI?!?!

A North Carolina Man insisted on paying for $475 worth of items at Walmart with a Million Dollar bill. Whats crazy about this story isn't so much the attempted use of the non existent 1 million dollar bill, but that the man was arrested (reasonable) and set for $17,500 Bond in jail!!!

If the guy has to buy $475 worth of Walmart crap with fake money, what makes you think hes got anywhere near 17 Grand? Put this guy in a mental hospital not jail.

!!!UPDATE!!! The Man's wife just tried to post bail with a 1 Billion Dollar Bill.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

THE FUTURE IS HERE!!!

Scotch in a can! Thats right, Scotch Whiskey. Soon, Scotch whiskey will be sold in the form of a can in the United States. So soon infact, that the intended date for sale is February 1st!

Tired of sneaking around a glass bottle of whiskey in a brown paper bag? just grab a six pack of Scotch with some beer snuggies and no one will know the wiser!!!

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

So this is just a quick video of us messing around and kinda gives you an Idea of what our youtube show is going to be like.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

MILITARY BURNOUTS!!!!

More and more military personnel are using synthetic marijuana which is easily accessible on the internet. This has the military up in arms about the matter (get it?)

Why can't Private Johnson get a little buzz on? I mean i understand he's got a fully loaded M16 around his shoulder with a 9mm beretta side arm and quite a payload of explosive ordinance at their disposal, but that doesn't mean they can't cut loose every once in a while. I mean, i'd need a smoke every once and again if my occupation was "Murder people for the Government."

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

THE KOREAN GIANT!!!!!

Who is this giant man at Kim Jong Il's Funeral?  

More importantly, is North Korea creating giant korean men using nuclear technology?!?!?! 

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Chetah the chimp from the 1930s Tarzan movies has passed away at the age of 80. It's amazing that this even made news headlines. It's a fucking monkey.... In other less important news, people are starving in the world.

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAKE TATTOO!!! After reports of the girl initially getting the infamous "Drake" tattoo on her forehead, then getting beat up for having said tattoo, now in a recent interview Drizzy Drake says himself that the artist who created the now famous tattoo "is a fucking asshole..." He also said he wants to meet the girl who got the ink done so that he can "understand what happened" Let The Cave break it down for you Drizzy. That creepy lady who is obsessed with you, fooled herself into believing that getting drake tattooed on her forehead was an awesome idea. Plain and simple. Don't blame the artist for doing his job.

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TEAM GAY-CLUB?t Is Twilight star Taylor Lautner gay? A fake People magazine cover showing Taylor Lautner with the headline "Out & Proud" has been circling through the Internet but is it the real thing? NOPE! So relax Tweens who by this time are probably 30, the cover is a FAKE!!!

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OREGON HAS JOINED THE DARKSIDE!!!!! The Oregon ducks have just released photos of the team's new uniform which seems to have been inspired by Darth Vader himself. The sinister uniform, which will debut Jan 2 at the rise bowl, is part 11 of Nike's pro combat series, sporting new innovations in both player fashion and safety. If only the uniform came with a light saber holster and breathing apparatus, then it would truely be worthy for any Sith football star.

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AMBASSADOR TO A SPECIES!!! So is there a furry animal UN? Nope, but the humans who are raising Siku, the month old polar bear, are hoping to use this young polar bear's Internet fame to bring some attention to the dwindling polar bear population. Hopefully Siku doesn't turn out like the last polar cub to be raised in captivity... Fat and brown. That's right brown. We all kno how that goes, you're brown, turn fat, then your credit score plummets, you lose your sex drive, you start balding... Then you get gastric bypass and try to better yourself but just wind up dying at an early age.... Is that you al roker?

[1andhalfporkchops-blog]

CUPCAKE SEIZED BY TSA!!! In recent news, a woman traveling through an airport had her cupcake seized by tsa agents. The agent's reasoning for taking the suspicious cupcake? "it looked explosive... ly delicious!!!!"

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DEADLY QUEST FOR AIR JORDANS!!!! Recently people around the country stormed select shoe stores to try and buy a retro pair of the most popular Air Jordans ever made. Riots ensued and dozens were trampled. The shoe retailed for $180. More importantly people are rioting over sneakers. Well, atleast those who were trampled were stepped on by people with good taste in shoes.