AGENT(S) IN CHARGE: Special Agent CC, Forensic Analyst [REDACTED]
SUMMARY:
At approximately [15:34 PT] surveillance units conducting routine observational analysis detected an anomalous level of warmth, depth, and mutual understanding emanating from the ocular regions of Subject A [Hereafter referred to as TALL] and Subject B [Hereafter referred to as TINY].
Said phenomenon, classified as Luminescent Ocular Verity Engenderment (LOVE), was noted to be particularly potent in proximity to one another, reaching peak intensity during sustained eye contact.
OBSERVATIONAL FINDINGS:
1. Ocular Brightness Levels:
• Subjects’ eyes exhibited an unnatural gleam, indicative of sustained emotional fulfillment.
• Notable presence of micro-crinkles at the edges, commonly referred to as “smiling eyes.”
• Possible correlation with increased oxytocin levels—further lab analysis pending.
2. Synchronized Gaze Patterns:
• Extended mutual eye contact exceeding the standard 2-3 second threshold before social discomfort occurs.
• Instances of silent communication, suggesting an advanced non-verbal understanding.
• Absence of darting movements—consistent with a lack of deception or stress.
3. Emotional Influence on Surroundings:
• Witness statements confirm a detectable “warmth” radiating from TALL and TINY’s presence.
• Unidentified bystanders reportedly affected by secondary symptoms, including soft smiles and wistful sighs.
ANALYSIS & CONCLUSIONS:
TALL and TINY appear to be exhibiting high levels of relational satisfaction, with eyes serving as primary indicators of mutual joy. Given the persistence of these symptoms and their contagious nature, further study is warranted. No immediate threats detected—unless one considers the sheer intensity of their affection a national security risk.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
• Continued passive observation advised; no intervention necessary unless signs of emotional overload (excessive hand-holding, spontaneous laughter, forehead kisses) escalate beyond public tolerability.
• Consider updating FBI [Fandom Breakdown Initiative] guidelines on “Crimes of Passion” to include dangerously heartwarming levels of LOVE.
I have an upcoming event where I need to create a diversion. Essentially, I need to show up with someone I know will have a big effect and redirect attention away from another situation. An acquaintance of mine is available and willing to go, but here's the issue: I don't actually like her. I have no interest in holding hands, exchanging affectionate glances, or doing anything that might suggest real romantic involvement, as I'm trying to portray.
How do I navigate this without being a jerk or making things super awkward? She wants the adulation and wants to direct attention to her social media account, where she does an approximation of dancing. I want to be polite. But I also don't want to do more than is necessary. Is there a nice way to bring a 'date' to an underwear party while maintaining clear emotional distance?
-Southpaw Plus One
Dear Southpaw,
I appreciate your commitment to strategic social maneuvering, but I must warn you: bringing a date as a 'diversion' while making it obvious that you'd rather not hold her hand or even look at her is not exactly subtle. Be honest with your plus-one, letting her know that while she is welcome to pop her booty in the venue's restroom, the evening is not a romantic outing.
Once at the event, good manners dictate that you engage with her as a gracious companion- not as an inconvenience. You should make every attempt to treat her with some positive attention. After all, a diversion works best when it doesn't look like one.
well 🧍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.
Well, I knew the wording in her birthday story seemed familiar. Look at this. Convinced even more that it was Lukey Newts that she had the "loveliest " birthday dinner with. Of course, we didn't even need any more clues to know that...😏🥰👀
Dear Jakholes who love to believe Nicola is dating Jake and they are soooo in love (although she's never said they were even dating) how about you look at this.....
So Nicole wasn't really in a really dated Brody and it was all PR 😲 i'm shocked! I can't believe this really exist...oh wait i'm not surprised, i've been saying this.
Wow they look so in love because they are holding hands with interlocked finger...wait she said they weren't dating, he was just a nice guy she hungout with.
The way they hold hands looks familiar..oh I know where i've seen this before....
I also notice she's looking into the camera, maybe she wasn't supposed to get caught looking 🤭
We see them out so often if it was a real relationship she would've hard launched him a long time ago but she hasn't. EVERYTIME a celebrity "gets caught" with someone they are dating they launch.
Stop assuming they are dating, in love, engaged, etc... neither of them have said this and unless we see them kiss (which I don't see ever happening) or they hard launch we need to think they are just friends.
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
janainaart
2087
blakekathryn
romaincrisis
kaledo-art
