lxC999 @1xc999 - Tumblr Blog

EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH, I FEAR NO EVIL

Only moid feminist song ever made

So turns out my mom had a brain aneurysm

The baby at work today started crying and i had to leave the room cuz i started crying too cuz i felt so bad for him for no reason,,, this is why i cant survive in this world i was never meant to be strong or stable i a fuck up mess Nd all i do is ruin stuff

I wish i was born pretty or feminine so people would care about me and help me

What my own family says about me hurts mt fucking heart so bad ,,,, i never wanted to be born in a dying body and brain and be useless but they remind me of that everyday. It hurts becuase i pride myself when im alone on my strength it took to give myself a million more chances on my life and try to make it better —- to then just get told that i cant take care of myself or drive and that i am useless. I always wanted to be a good persin and i tried so hard my entire life but my existence will always be one big pathetic joke to people, they would feel relieved if i died and confess that to each other in secret if i died. I know it

I wanna go to bed but im so angry about my entire life i cant let go how angry i am. Its not normal i feel like im about to flip on anyone at any little annoyance they throw my way. I am just not meant to live on this god awful planet. I feel nothing for no one, even the few people i did feel some sort of happy emotion for are just gone. What is even worth it in life anymore. I need to move out im starting a savings account and i will not be home all weekend so that is good. I hate that household so bad and ive been saying that all my life but i dont have the life skills to just fucking leave i cant even drive bc of my panic attacks and dizziness how can i ever escape this hell. I can pretend i feel okay for a while and then i want to die again. Or i will feel better and things will look up and then another tragic situation happens in my family. I feel so bad for freaking out but these people are genuinely making me go insane and i cannnot take it. I had a dream last night that i was in Japan and i was in a giant gothic lotita clothing / candy store and it was 5 stories high with each story a different theme. The highest story had a really short ceiling and for some reason i was on a time crunch and had to leave that heaven. I hate my family at the same time i feel so bad for them bc of the severe mental illness and trauma everyone has. Idk what to do anymore i just wanna cry because i am stuck in this HELL ON EARTH. Today was so bad i had intense stomach issues which caused me to need to go to the bathroom literally probably 20 times today. My heartbeat was so fast i felt like i was gonna drop dead and faint on the bathroom floor. I asked my sister if she could pick me up from work after work bc i was so sick and nauseous and fainty from the panic and she said no. It reminded me of when i asked if she could get me a glass of water on christmas eve and she said no so i got up to get it myself and fell on the floor and fainted and convulsed. I literally have no one and its a fucking nightmare why was i ever born

Hidijg in the washroom til i stop tweaking from this panic attack

Panic attack cuz my moms in the hospital again and my manager is claiming my work that i completed to be another co-workers 😍😍😍😍

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