[20moonicorn]

A Postcard

To the man I love, to my future.

The first time I felt your presence, I began joining the dots in the sky, wondering when our stars would align.

I often think of where you are and if you’re happy. Are you in love? I hope she is gentle. I know you and I are the same in that way—we bruise a little more easily than most. You see, our souls were made in the same breath.

I know I’m running late—I’m sorry. Things haven’t worked out the way I planned. But believe me when I tell you I am on my way.

Until then, think of me, dream of me and I will do the same. One day I will learn your name, and I will write it somewhere on this page. And we will realise that we have known each other all along.

— Lang Leav

[20moonicorn]

Letting Him Go

There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice. Like the pained silence felt in the lost song of a mermaid; or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina. It is in every considered step I am taking in the opposite direction of you. — Lang Leav

[20moonicorn]

Three Questions

What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude. It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance. What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy. It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence. What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. There was a long pause before I responded: It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once. — Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

[20moonicorn]

A Dream

As the Earth began spinning faster and faster, we floated upwards, hands locked tightly together, eyes sad and bewildered. We watched as our faces grew younger and realized the Earth was spinning in reverse, moving us backwards in time.

Then we reached a point where I no longer knew who you were and I was grasping the hands of a stranger. But I didn’t let go. And neither did you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I had my first dream about you last night.”

“Really?” She smiles. “What was it about?”

“I don’t remember exactly, but the whole time I was dreaming, I knew you were mine.”

— Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure

[20moonicorn]

Angels

One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them—even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering—the reason for their presence will become clear in due time. Though here is a word of warning—you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more. — Lang Leav, Love and Misadventure

[20moonicorn]

Patience

Patience and Love agreed to meet at a set time and place; beneath the twenty-third tree in the olive orchard. Patience arrived promptly and waited. She checked her watch every so often but still, there was no sign of Love. Was it the twenty-third tree or the fifty-sixth? She wondered and decided to check, just in case. As she made her way over to the fifty-sixth tree, Love arrived at twenty-three, where Patience was noticeably absent. Love waited and waited before deciding he must have the wrong tree and perhaps it was another where they were supposed to meet. Meanwhile, Patience had arrived at the fifty-sixth tree, where Love was still nowhere to be seen. Both begin to drift aimlessly around the olive orchard, almost meeting but never do. Finally, Patience, who was feeling lost and resigned, found herself beneath the same tree where she began. She stood there for barely a minute when there was a tap on her shoulder. It was Love. “Where are you?” She asked. “I have been searching all my life.” “Stop looking for me,” Love replied, “and I will find you.”

— Lang Leav, Lullabies

[20moonicorn]

"You loved me the other day. You wanted me to sit beside you in the dark. Didn't I feel it—didn't I know? There's something between us—a sort of pull. Something you always do to me and I to you." — F. Scott Fitzgerald, Presumption

[20moonicorn]

Wounded

A bruise is tender but does not last, it leaves me as I always was.

But a wound I take much more to heart, for a scar will always leave its mark.

And if you should ask me which you are, my answer is - you are a scar.

— Lang Leav, Lullabies

[20moonicorn]

Soul Mates

I don't know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence. — Lang Leav

[20moonicorn]

Rogue Planets

As a kid, I would count backwards from ten and imagine at one, there would be an explosion—perhaps caused by a rogue planet crashing into Earth or some other major catastrophe. When nothing happened, I'd feel relieved and at the same time, a little disappointed. I think of you at ten; the first time I saw you. Your smile at nine and how it lit up something inside me I had thought long dead. Your lips at eight pressed against mine and at seven, your warm breath in my ear and your hands everywhere. You tell me you love me at six and at five we have our first real fight. At four we have our second and three, our third. At two you tell me you can't go on any longer and then at one, you ask me to stay. And I am relieved, so relieved—and a little disappointed. — Lang Leav, Love and Misadventure

[20moonicorn]

Dyslexia

There were letters I wrote you that I gave up sending, long before I stopped writing. I don’t remember their contents, but I can recall with absolute clarity, your name scrawled across the pages. I could never quite contain you to those messy sheets of blue ink. I could not stop you from overtaking everything else.

I wrote your name over and over—on scraps of paper, in books and on the back of my wrists. I carved it like sacred markings into trees, and the tops of my thighs. Years went by and the scars have vanished, but the sting has not left me. Sometimes when I read a book, parts will lift from the pages, in an anagram of your name. Like a code to remind me it's not over, like dyslexia in reverse.

— Lang Leav, Lullabies

[20moonicorn]

Mendengarkan Adele - Hiding My Heart (originally by Brandi Carlile)

It was midnight but the air was getting warmer every second ‘cause I got you by my side. We saw things differently, we saw the world differently, we lived a different world. But that one time, they didn’t matter anymore to me. For all the differences that we saw, there was still a whole another world of similarity that we shared. We both were in love.

1

This is how the story went / I met someone by accident / who blew me away / blew me away / and it was in the darkest of my days / when you took my sorrow and you took my pain / and buried them away / buried them away

Aku mengingat kembali pertemuan singkat kita beberapa jam sebelum kepergianmu ke ibu kota, kamu yang aku temui hari itu adalah kamu yang sama yang telah membuatku jatuh hati pada hari-hari sebelumnya, kamu yang sama yang akan membuatku jatuh hati lagi di hari-hari berikutnya.

2

I wish I could lay down beside you / when the day is done / and wake up to your face against the morning sun / but like everything I’ve ever known / you’ll disappear one day / so I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Berkunjunglah dalam bunga tidurku, dimana kita saling berbincang berhadap-hadapan dan bercerita tentang apa-apa yang akan membuat kita tertawa dan buat aku lupa bahwa kau pernah meragukan kita. Berceritalah tentang segala yang belum pernah aku dengar dan buat aku lupa bahwa apa-apa yang pernah kita angan-angankan sudah tidak lagi ada dan bukan lagi milik kita.

3

Dropped you off at the train station / put a kiss on top of your head / watched you wave / and watched you wave / then I went on home to my skyscrapers / and neon lights and waiting papers / that I call home / I call that home

“Sampai ketemu lagi ya.” Aku baca lagi, berulang-ulang, berulang-ulang, berulang-ulang, hingga habis maknanya, hingga ia tak lagi membuatku dadaku sakit. Aku memandangimu dengan cukup lama. Cukup lama untuk membuatku kembali sadar betapa sedikit waktu yang kita punya. Too little time that I have no chance to say how happy I am to be with you. Too little time that I have no chance to let you know how I don’t want to lose you. Time was up. We waved goodbye to each other, forced ourselves to smile. While deep down inside we knew that it’s time to let go of each other’s hand.

4

Woke up feeling heavy hearted / I’m going back to where I started / the morning rain / the morning rain / and though I wish that you were here / on that same old road that brought me here / it’s calling me home / it’s calling me home

Pada akhirnya, aku tidak selalu bisa memilih apa saja yang ingin aku jaga. Pada akhirnya, aku hanya bisa memilih bagaimana cara paling mudah untuk melepaskanmu.

[20moonicorn]

Grey's Anatomy: These Ties That Bind

[20moonicorn]

Grey's Anatomy: Scars and Souvenirs

[20moonicorn]

Grey's Anatomy: The First Cut is The Deepest.

[20moonicorn]

"And I knew that when it was the two of us alone together, we could talk for hours, or sit reading side by side for hours, each one plugged into our own iPod, and still feel completely together. I understood all that in my head, but I still didn’t believe it in my heart. When I was with Adam, I felt picked, chosen, special, and that just made me wonder ‘why me?’ even more."

— Gayle Forman, If I Stay

[20moonicorn]

Pagi Ini: Kamu

Pagi ini dengan susah payah aku menghapus kamu dari ingatanku. Matahari belum datang, kupejamkan kedua mataku. Memikirkanmu, mengingat kita, memikirkan kita, mengingatmu. Jika harus kutuliskan jejak-jejak pikiranku tadi pagi, tentu saja tulisan ini akan sangat panjang, barangkali lebih panjang dari perjalanan yang telah kita tempuh sebelum tiba di sini, sebelum pada akhirnya berbalik badan, saling memunggungi, saling menjauh, saling memperdengarkan langkah-langkah kaki yang pergi. Pagi ini jalanan terasa lengang, setidaknya untukku. Aku memandang langit kosong dan mengisinya dengan hal-hal yang tidak kumiliki, hal-hal yang jauh dari jangkauan kedua lenganku, hal-hal yang tidak mampu aku kembalikan ke pelukanku. Kamu. Pagi ini aku mencari-cari alasan untuk berhenti menginginkanmu. Menghubungkan titik demi titik, mengingat-ingat apa-apa yang bertanda silang, mengulang lagi percakapan kita. Kau akan jadi lebih baik dengan orang yang jauh lebih baik, katamu. Tak kudapati apapun selain deretan alasan untuk aku tetap tinggal. Sebab untuk apa aku dengan orang yang lebih baik jika itu bukan kamu.