Stop Arguments Before They Start
Stop Arguments Before They Start
Itâs good to argue from time to time, and itâs not realistic to agree on everything. But many of our arguments can be nipped in the bud if we employ some communication techniques. Hereâs how to spend more time happy and less time fighting by stopping arguments before they start:
Address issues ASAP. When you are upset or annoyed about something and keep silent about it, it only festers and grows bigger and becomes harder to ignore. When something is bothering you, get into the habit of telling your partner about it right away, rather than letting it build up inside of you. Clear the air as soon as you can so you can move on, instead of silently stewing over it.
Move on from old fights. Holding grudges isnât fair to you or your partner. If youâve said that youâve forgiven them, then you need to be true to your word. Itâs not fun for you to stay mad about something that should have been cleared up. Itâs not useful to either of you to hold on to old issues and keep bringing them up. When you end an argument and make up, make sure you really move on and leave it in the past.
Donât just say itâs fine. If youâre still upset about something then just say so. Saying youâre fine and then getting mad later only means that itâs been brewing inside of you and that youâve mislead your partner to think that youâre not mad. If youâre upset then just get it out into the open rather than postponing an argument with passive aggressive comments.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Before you jump to get mad at your partner for something theyâve done wrong, give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they didnât mean it. This can diffuse so many arguments because we spend lots of time being mad about things that they didnât intend the way weâve interpreted them. They probably didnât mean anything by what they said or did, so instead of getting in a twist about it, just try to cut them some slack.
Let the little stuff go. In relationships we need to pick our battles or we run the risk of nitpicking or nagging. You canât get mad at your partner for every little thing that they do that gets on your nerves or youâll likely be fighting all the time. Let the small stuff go and just bring up the larger, overarching issues that are bugging you.
Address your feelings, not just the actions. When youâre upset about something try saying something like, âI really felt unappreciated when you donât ask for my opinionâ instead of just saying, âyou donât ask for my opinionâ.They are probably aware of their actions, so if youâre going to bring it up in a conversation, make sure you explain to them how it made you feel or why itâs a problem. Unless they understand why something is a problem they are likely to think itâs not a big deal and just keep doing it.
Are you really mad? Before you get mad at your partner for doing something, ask yourself if youâre really actually mad at them or if youâre just taking your frustrations or bad mood out on them? We often get grouchy and lash out at the people closest to us, even if they havenât done anything wrong. You can avoid a lot of arguments if you realize that youâre simply in a bad mood and adjust your attitude.
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