Being so submerged in these multiplying speculations on what’s to come, it takes him a while to realize there’s hardly any distance between them. He stares at Ashley like a deer in headlights and finally his mouth writhes into something resembling a beam, a bittersweet one. “Do you want me to leave?” The question rolls off his tongue with a facetious undertone yet there’s a thick layer of seriousness underneath. However, he doesn’t want to leave. Not at all. With her arms around him, for a second he isn’t sure what to do with his. Eventually he hugs her back, tenderly. And it feels like home, and simultaneously strange. It’s been so long, perhaps too long. “I missed you. I really did,” Jiyong murmurs lowly, almost hushed as he subtly pulls her closer. The moment he thought would never happen was worth this seemingly endless wait. But here they are.
the person whom she thought was cold after the incidents in the past now envelops her in warmth that she so desperately needs. after failed relationships and finding comfort in addictions throughout her life, ashley can swear this is a thousand times better, possibly even more. her body more than anything remembers these moments- the innocent nights together in each others arms. what she loved more how there really was no strain between them. they were perfect in height and just like a puzzle, they fit to the t. she recalls now why she loved “them” so much. she found perfection at the sight of him and photographs were an addiction to her around him. she wanted to freeze frame them together because there was something so beautiful of how their hands interlocked, how their existence somehow complimented each other. there was no doubt there was power as a couple and a strong bond as friends.
she tries to be still, but his words cause her to tremble. who knew those 3 words could cause a feeling of her heart collapse. ashley buries her face on the nook of his neck (she’ll apologize later for the tears on his neck). if she could ask to stay this way- no, if she had the bravery to ask to stay like this just for a little while longer, she would overthrow her walls in a heartbeat. but she doesn’t. if she had the bravery to ask for something more like this, she would forgive and forget all that went wrong between them. but she doesn’t. she doesn’t know why her mind has created this net of grudges, always waiting for something to happen just to catch something else to be angry about. as much as she missed him and as much as she wants to push aside everything just so this moment can be as pure as ever, she doesn’t. she can’t.
she bites down the desires and pulls away from him. she pats down her tears, remembering who she is and how long it took for the makeup to look perfect for the event; she hopes nothing has smudged. “i’m happy you’re here, ji.” she sniffles, fanning herself in the process. whether it was the small bit of champagne or the frailty of the moment, she speaks her mind and smiles without holding back. but as the tender moment is put to an end, she leads him towards the love seat facing the beautiful view of the city lights- if they could see past the other love seat in front of them, but that’s out of the situation. she plops down on one side and groans slightly at the sight of her feet. “to think i used to party all night long, now look at me.” she lets out a breathy chuckle, bringing one foot after the other as she takes off her heels. as expected, they were red and sore.
“i didn’t think you’d come.” she speaks after a short moment of silence, once her feet were propped up on the glass top coffee table in front of them and her eyes were finally distracting her from seeing his face. he looked good. the exact opposite she wished for him long ago. she’s glad. she’s never been blind to his successes, but seeing him now is the acknowledgement to all those articles written about him. ashley fiddles with her nails, a bad habit that causes her to waste a bit more money for the no chip add on. “really thought i was going to be alone tonight.” and the next, just like any other day. she wonders if jiyong will bring a change needed. maybe the feeling she experienced just a few moments ago was a sign of something good. it had to be. she wishes it to be a truth. “i would’ve felt like an idiot... and you would’ve paid for that later.” she teases, or so masks her words playfully with a smile, still looking elsewhere. her heart didn’t feel as heavy now. the playfulness has began to come out of hiding and find its place within herself once more.
