Addicted 2 Living

@2bhappy4ever

My name is Brianna Wilson. I am currently in my 2nd year of grad school. This blog is everything me. My heart and soul are put on the line in everything I post. That's my intention. This is my place where I can say absolutely everything I am feeling, with no concern over what anyone else is going to think. Why put it online then? I don't want my thoughts and words to be lost to time. I want them to be living, even after I'm gone. ... and well, Nothing that's put on the internet ever goes away. "I'm gonna sing a little louder, Gonna pray a little harder, Gonna run a little faster, Let them know I'll never want another... Gonna tell my mom I miss her, Gonna learn to say never say never, and love a little bigger." ♥ - Carter's Chord

604 posts

Find what frees you.

Light thinking: What separates this social media for me is the idea that no one (except my mom) checks this out. I have no reason to give into the norms of society in regards to the ways in which there are expectations to put our best foot forward. This is both my feet, with or with pedicure... and quirky humor all the way through. It can be my good and bad. It can be my truth.

Well, I was worried for the past few months that this had actually all gone away. In the process of updating the app on my phone, none of my posts were showing. Today, I logged on and am grateful to still have this space.

Laura Best Friend

Laura walks into the dining room, where I am sitting alone with a half filled glass of red wine. I ask her to wait to yell about her students so I can record a song that was coming to me, and she agrees. She says she's probably not in the right state to be grading papers and I comment that she only had two glasses. The conversation continues: Laura: "Yeah, but they were full." Brianna: "Ehh... that's fair. I'm feeling it too." Laura:"And I drank them really fast." Brianna: "And every time I cough I pee a little."

Thinking it's time to get back at this journaling thing... not sure this is the space for it. But one thing is for certain... I say the darndest things and they are worthy of being recorded.

You can't be friends with broken hearts, when one is to blame.

I compose, on average, 2 refrains and 3 poems every time I shower. Now, rather than focusing on how ridiculously long my showers may be, let us be mindful of how sad it is that I can't remember half of what I created by the time I grab pen and paper.

"Poetry is a terminal activity, taking place out near the end of things, where the poet’s soul addresses one other soul only, never mind when. And it aims—never mind either communication or expression—at the reformation of the poet, as prayer does." - John Berryman

You worship -

singing to God,

“When I cannot stand

I’ll fall on you”

Your words are heard in the pews

as the chords ring in accompaniment

and yet -

you cannot stand

and yet -

I pray these words are true for you

that you do fall

into arms of comfort

into arms of grace

Current state of mind

I make mistakes in the wide open.

Tonight a bee stung my pinky toe in the comfort of my own bedroom. It immediately went numb, red and swollen. I then saw the dying bee hours later as it used its last breaths to flap its wings one last time. This is the life I lead.

1 year post-grad

As I drove past my alma mater, officially one year from graduation, I contemplated all that has changed in my life over the course of a year. 1. I began graduate school at the University of Dayton. 2. I moved to Ohio. Woah! 3. I began my first official full-time teaching position: 9th grade English and religion 4. I became the director of our girls high school choir. 5. I met so many new people and made a few quality friendships that I hope will last for years to come. .... think....

When I realize at 11pm on May 14th that an online graduate course begins on May 15th... I mean, at least I'm an hour ahead of the game.

The evolution of a classroom is continuous. As I get to know the students and the atmosphere of the school, everything changes. I started out with rows of seats. Now I'm moving towards flexible seating. Excited to see what the next couple months bring with a new color scheme, removing unnecessary wall items and bringing in some different tables, seats and other learning spaces... And student led art on the walls? Did I just say that? SO EXCITED!

Thank you, God, for all the wonderful people, amazing moments and beautiful music you have blessed me with today and always.

One day you'll be a really great man. I just fear I won't be the one who gets to see that.

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