vent

Philly sports >

[valtsv]

u ever get really apathetic about your interests for no reason so u just start cycling through all your past hyperfixations in ur head out of an inexplicable need to feel passion for something

[valtsv]

me trying to be interested in anything in the middle of a Depressive Episode™:

[vincent-van-gtg]

[fitnessdesire]

Can’t risk it

[laderdesders1]

The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.

[2ksstuff]

My therapist : you have commitment issues because your parents divorce was traumatic and since they were the only example of true love that you had in your developmental years, any relationship or love that you feel for anyone today gets associated with that traumatic experience, causing you debilitating anxiety. Due to that, you detach yourself completely.

Me :

[2ksstuff]

I have such a stupid fucking crush on you I want to punch a wall

[2ksstuff]

my dad coming to the family function in 2009 and telling everybody he won custody of me in the divorce

[2ksstuff]

birthday haul

I got 2 games for my ps4 (r6siege and grand theft auto V) and a flyers jersey from the 2019 allstar game

[badolmen]

Anybody else feel like they aren’t…real?

Idk if it’s my empathy being wacked out or if this is just how I’ve dissociated but there’s a huge disconnect between my body and myself if that makes sense.

Like. The body is there. It needs food. And cleaning. And other maintenance. But it’s not…me? Idk. It’s weird. It feels very lonely.

[2ksstuff]

Yes 100%.

When this happens I feel so isolated I could scream. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it lasts for so long. I usually just ride it out and wait until I come back to myself.

[2ksstuff]

The only cash I got for christmas was a whopping 25 bucks; bad timing for a slow year, but when it comes to “the” fund, every little bit counts, I guess. Since I ended the first half of my term with straight A's, I get $50 from my a family member, which will be matched by another family member, which will get me three fifths of the way to gathering the full amount of money I need for the deposit. I wonder if they'd let me stay awake.

If not, I might hurl.

[2ksstuff]

I'm a sucker for sentimental gestures but kinda bad at them ever since this one time in middle school when I spent a night stumbling through directions making my girlfriend a plate of cookies for our anniversary and she went "no thanks"

[2ksstuff]

the real "gifted child" struggle is going from being in elementary school and having your whole day being made by your teacher giving you even the barest amount of praise, to being in high school and having to listen to your teacher tell you that you "didn't get a bad grade, you got an A" and not being able to explain that technically, you didn't get an A, technically you got an A minus, which is not an A. It's an A-. and an A minus is not an A

[2ksstuff]

does anyone ever touch you and it just makes you AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAåÅÅÅÂ

[2ksstuff]

emotional exhaustion [usually brought on, for me at least, by the extensivity of “you know what”] really be like... that. I guess.

like when I've reached the point of emotional exhaustion there is no return. nothing can bring me back to shallow water [aka, the typical range of emotion]

there's just this hollowness in my chest and dull ache in my neck. all food tastes the tiniest bit off and suddenly I'm more prone to [minor] tics than I was beforehand. any facial expression I make feels like innate mimicry and coming up with things to say during conversation, no matter how insignificant, feels like a chore. I communicate by parroting the language and am able to perform basic tasks by muscle memory, sometimes forgetting that I'd even performed the task at all.

yeah I come back to myself eventually because that's just how it works, but emotional exhaustion, while it's in effect, really manages to turn you into a shell of a person.

emotionality is subjective. people have different situations that set them off, trigger happy/sad reactions, make their dopamine levels fluctuate, etc, but under emotional exhaustion, literally nothing will get my mental knee jerk reactions going. besides the stuff that makes ME react, even broad things won't do much good. close friend in tears? nothing. somebody stole 30 bucks from me? I guess. newborn puppy gets stomped? wish I cared.

what is this and what's wrong with me

[2ksstuff]

I've been working on a project for my world history class for so long that my ears are ringing, all while knowing that I won't even be able to present it tomorrow because every time I hear my voice, I get mentally castrated.