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@36ofusarchipelagosystem
does your system have a headmate/alter that is an introgect from a fanfiction?? (we do!!)
yes, one
yes, multiple
no
unsure
nuace
Does your system have a headmate that is an introject from fanfiction?
Yes, multiple
Yes, one
No
Not yet
Unsure
Nuance
Results
being plural means a headmate pulling you into headspace to cuddle with you and help you go to sleep because of your& insomnia
being plural means smiling and laughing at a joke one of your headmates made, or having witty banter with them as you make a meal that you'll both be able to enjoy
being plural means a headmate going "its okay, you don't have to do this, i can do it" and you thanking them because yeah, you cant do that, and thats okay
being plural means thinking about your headmates when buying new clothes, or seeing a shirt or pair of pants for sale and going "they'd love that !!"
being plural means making one of your headmate's simplyplural profile, and spending lots of time perfecting it so that it fits them to a T
being plural means knowing you aren't alone
being plural means knowing that your headmates, your friends, your family, are always there for you
being plural means love.
THIS POST IS INCLUSIVE OF SYSTEMS OF ALL ORIGINS !!! DO NOT BRING SYSCOURSE ONTO THIS POST.
Sofa sitting positions
I found it
This has to be like an ancient relic or something
Userboxes that say "Just because this member did bad things in source, doesn’t mean they’re a bad person"
Requested by @king-of-the-hunters
Userboxes I made for myself inspired by these.
Anyone can use. We don't care who you are, what you or don't support.
Introject heavy culture is having headmates from different fandoms dating which just ends up making weird crack ships /silly
.
it's perfectly okay to not source seperate. you are still your own person and should be treated with respect, even when your source is a villain.
We've been here over five years now and internalized pluralphobia still gets to us sometimes. We worry our experiences might be used as a weapon to target others, or understanding that different things are best for different people might get lost. But fuck it. Cringe culture is dead
We're addgenic. When we haven't gotten anyone new in a while, the desire to have someone new form/arrive creeps up on us and grows more and more intense. We'll try and delve into a huperfixation to see if anyone forms naturally, or try reconnecting with old headmates, but if it's been too long one of us usually cracks and creates someone new intentionally. It's not a bad feeling for us- only suppressing it makes it feel bad, really. It's euphoric when the desire is actively fulfilled.
Perhaps it's connected to being a shapeshifter for us. The instinctive need to change and to be someone new. But that's just our thought on the matter
addgenic systems ily
cringe culture has done so much damage to how fictives are viewed and it's wild when you think about it
you have people who are desperately trying to prevent fictives, especially fictives of their favorite character, for pretty much no other reason than they're embarrassed about it
even if you do feel too much shame about it, you don't even need to share who your fictives are, fictives aren't something you're tainted if you have
like when you really step back it's like damn why are we letting gatekeepers on the internet police what we do in our own heads to that degree
being a sex positive asexual is so weird because ill be actively campaigning for sex equality or whatever and people are like "mnehhh youre asexual it doesnt matter why do you care" SHUSH YOU MOUTH LET ME HELP
"porn shouldn't be banned" "you watch porn?? i thought you were ace" no um i just think porn shouldnt be banned
i hate it smmmm especially when they use it to call you fake
How fictive heavy are you?
Not a single fictive
One fictive
A couple fictives
Many fictives, but less than other types of headmates
About half fictives, half other types of headmates
Majority fictives
Entirely fictives
Singlets, don't vote. Nuance/Unsure, choose whatever feels right. Results, just wait 'till the poll is over.
[More info: This is a poll about fictives in plurals, or otherwise a representation of a fictional character, no matter source attachment/comfort. This does not include factives or any other types of introjects unless the system thinks it would be more accurate if it did.
This poll does not include numbers, besides "one fictive", as the size of a system is not the focus. For plurals who are smaller or single [not singlet] with fictives, meaning multiple options make sense, such as 4 headmates with 2 fictives, whatever feels most accurate can be chosen.]
How large is your system/plural?
Single, but still plural [NOT A SINGLET BUTTON]
2
3-5
6-10
11-20
21-40
41-75
75-100
100+
1000+
Infinite
Singlets, don't vote. Nuance/Unsure, choose whatever feels right. Results, just wait 'till the poll is over.
[More Info: This is a poll about the size of your system, plural, collective, or any other words you may use to describe it. If you consider yourself polymind, you can vote, even if you don't consider yourself a system/plural.
"Single, but still plural" may or may not include empty systems, broken singlets, plural adjacent, plurallets, syslets, plural non-system, polyminds, or anyone else who finds it is the best option for them.]
man. remember early in the pandemic, shortly into the telework phase, when a lot of women started vocalizing “wow, i didnt realize just how much time, energy, and even money i was wasting on dolling myself up for work every damn morning, until i didn’t have to do it anymore. i don’t think i’ll go back to doing that when we return to the office? i won’t be a slob or anything, of course, i’m just not going to go out of my way to look pretty at work" and then,
so many people proceeded to lose every last crumb of their shit about it, writing the most asinine crybaby articles ever where they were just. utterly horrified by the possibility that more and more women might become comfortable looking natural/plain and completely opting out of the expectation to look as appealing as possible at all times, even when all they’re doing is spending all day in a cubicle. that was bonkers. lmao.
some ladies were like “during lockdown, i saw myself in the mirror without makeup much more often, and got used to it, so now i don’t feel as anxious for others to see me without makeup on either. i’m comfortable with the face i have, it’s fine just the way it is”
and some absolute dork ass losers heard this and went “truly, this is the death of femininity”
TERFS who think they’re welcome on my posts: you’re not. the freedom to reject conventional beauty standards should apply to and be shared with trans women as well, moreso, in fact, because trans women are literally held to an even harsher, stricter standard when it comes to rando third parties feeling entitled to meticulous over-performance from them - demanding they put every last possible ounce of resource and effort into altering their appearance just to be seen as acceptable, demanding they “prove” their validity through excessive glamour, to ensure they are not “faking” - and the consequences for a trans woman if she does not flawlessly comply with these demands can be so dire as to be lethal for her.
That should not be the reality these women have to endure! That is a horrifying injustice, and anybody who not only lacks compassion for that, but promotes the ideologies that enable it, is not welcome here. I will not debate with you on the matter. Get lost.
so this post is making the rounds again, but only the version without this very important addition on it, so, as a reminder,
r/stupiddovenests features so many mourning doves which is insane to me i didnt know they were so bad at this. always thought the bad nests was a feral pigeon thing
my lovely sweet beast. Why did you do that?
oh i'm a fan of
poor beast with square egg (squegg)
SQUEGG
🐌✨️ get snailed! 🐌✨️
SNUEGG
A cute guy likes me on a dating app. After chatting with them for weeks, we decide to go on a date. They are very flirtatious and forward over the app, but not when we meet in person. He admits he thought I was transmasc like him, we laugh about it because his mistake is funny and means I'm not passing but in a silly backwards way. I think his sudden awkwardness in person may be nervousness and flirt with him in ways less forward and aggressive than he'd been flirting with me earlier, and they become cold and distant for the rest of the date. By the time I get home they've blocked me on the app we met on. This case of being mistaken as a transmasc on a dating app will happen 3 more times, and in 2/3 times it results in a similar sudden lack of interest where once they were coming on to me. None of these people will be cis.
I am in a self defense class for queer people, learning hand to hand combat as a community. I have been here months. I notice I'm the only transfem in the classes but there are other trans people there so I don't think much of it. Today I have some stubble as I did not have time to shave before the early morning class. When discussing unrealistic action movie and anime fight scenes I describe on of my favorites, quoting the lines as I pantomime the goofy moves. They smile and laugh along until the word bitch leaves my lips in one quote, then the bisexual woman who only ever they/thems me glares at me like I've committed a grevious crime, and the rest of the class looks at me like a freak in awkward silence for a moment before moving on. I learn bitch is not a word a clocky bitch can "reclaim". I am quiet in classes now, and when I go I focus primarily on the training, when I see other trans women try it out they often give me a sad look and do not return for a second class. I get a sinking feeling that if I ever use this training to save my life one day I'd be branded a violent man instead of a strong woman.
I am texting with a good friend of years who was one of the people who helped me realize I was trans like them and even the one who helped pick out my name loves talking about our shared interests and sharing their favorite smut with me. We bond over favorite stories, artists, characters, and kinks as well as our trans experience. Yet they constantly tell me they could never date someone who's AMAB because of the trauma of being "female socialized" and their genital preferences for vulvas. Every compliment they have ever given me on my appearance or outfit is followed up by "but in a non-sexual way, I could never date you". Today I finally have the courage tell them they don't need to say that every time. They ignore this response. We keep talking for awhile, but they start taking months to respond to my messages and respond with a short sentence at most. They no longer share details about their life and shut me out when I ask or share details about mine, even the most mundane and chaste details. I stop talking to them. A birthday gift I bought them months before this falling out happened looms at me in my closet. I cannot use it as it doesn't fit me but can't bring myself to throw it away, just in case we reconcile one day. I feel pathetic for craving friendship with someone who sees me as "abuser-bodied", that so much of my early stages would've been impossible without their help. I feel a little more lost without them.
I am at a queer/trans/enby kink dance party with some friends. I am scantily clad and wearing a skirt and high heeled boots. I do not pass well so this space is one of the few places I feel safe and free dressing like this. It is packed with queer and trans people just like me engaged in delightful debauchery and wearing very little. The music hurts my ears but I'm happy to be here, I feel overstimulated but alive and authentic. I am approached by a beautiful stranger from across the dance floor, she is graceful and stylish, like some modern Galadriel clad in leather, white lace, and industrial piercings with impeccable voice training. She compliments my outfit, I compliment hers. She tells me I need to shave my armpits if I want to look like a real woman. My two friends stand up for me and yell at her. They assure me she was just being an asshole, that women were supposed to be hairy, but I can't help but notice how both of them have hairy armpits and yet the "advice" targeted me. The wide range of bodies that people here tonight find desirable on cis women don't seem to apply to the women like me. I am the only one of us that doesn't go home with a hookup at the end of the night. I realize now she likely spoke from experience. I am still hurt by her words, but realizing the kinds of experiences she must have had herself to feel her words were kind advice hurts far worse.
A local queer photographer who's work I follow is looking for women & non-binary models for a photoshoot. I have become comfortable with getting photos taken of me for the first time in my life since my egg cracked, and had a few small time modeling gigs under my belt. With something like this I could actually have the beginnings of a portfolio. I reach and am told that they are not looking for trans women models, "only women and AFABs". Getting the same line I get from agencies from an independent queer photographer repackaged in "woke" terminology stings. I see many queer and nonbinary models I looked up to take part in the shoot. I have to wonder if they knew that the photographer's definition of woman didn't include trans women, or if like me in my martial arts class they noticed no transfems were there but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there.
It is years ago and I am still an egg. I am with my partner of 4 years. I am exhausted after a long day. She asks me for sex in the voice that I know means saying no will hurt her. I learned from her long ago men have high and insatiable sex drives, therefore saying no meant I wanted to have sex, just not with her. So I say yes. The sex is painful and unsatisfying, and I simply do my best to thrust through the discomfort until she cums. I feel numb and hurt. She enjoys herself but seems sad I did not cum. I assure her I love her. When we hold eachother after my obligation has been met and I finally feel comfortable and safe. We begin talking. She talks about the trashy women she saw on the street today, describing their cringe outfits and ugly styles and bad hair. All the styles and clothes and hair I yearn to try myself in my deepest and most repressed desires. I change the subject and ask her about work and family. She asks if I'd still love her if she were a man and I say yes. She says she would still love me if I were a woman. Something in that statement feels like a lie. It is months later when we break up and I move out. Now that I am a woman I look back and know from our years together that if I were a woman then she'd hate the kind of woman I'd become. That if I were a woman she'd still have the same expectations of me as a man, that her refusal of sex equated an impersonal not being in the mood but my refusal of sex equated a cruel refusal of love.
A lesbian group begins organizing a queer woman's strip night event. A safe place for amateur performers to shine and women to perform and enjoy sexuality away from the male gaze. I see no transfems in the promotional material or leadership team, and I've learned not to think nothing of it just because there are other trans people there. I do not go.
I am talking with my therapist. They are trans too and an amazing therapist, often providing insights and advice only someone else with the lived experience of being trans can. I express distress and suicidal ideation at the fact I feel like I need to pass before I can dress the way I want. That until I get expensive hair removal procedures and FFS I can never feel safe and welcome presenting authentically. I lament how these things are expensive and may never be accessible to me. They tell me I need to deal with my "internalized transphobia", as if these feelings aren't a result of constant rejection and othering by external forces even within queer spaces. As if the scrap of womanhood others sometimes acknowledge in me does not rely on their perceptions of me.
There is a publication accepting works from trans people of all stripes to document trans experiences. It gets flamed for not having a single transfem as a contributor. The people behind it apologize profusely, they say didn't notice no transfems had sent work in and would do a sequel publication that was transfem-centric. I wonder if anyone had noticed there were no transfems but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there. I think about the kinds of spaces I've seen like that, and the implications it has about how they treat transfems, and I am unsurprised no transfems submitted.
One of my closest friends for years is very supportive of me when I first begin crossdressing and experimenting with they/them pronouns. She gives me suggestions on cute clothes to wear and takes me shopping as well as asks for pictures. We had helped eachother discover we were both queer as young teens, come to terms with it, and navigate it in a hostile environment, so I have complete trust. We are close enough we are frequently asking eachother advice on serious life choices & relationships, sending nudes for critique + tips before sending them to our partners, and sharing our most secret and vulnerable moments. She often asks me for tips on getting her straight boyfriends into pegging and crossdressing that make me slightly uncomfortable but I don't mind, she is a loyal friend I would endure a great many discomforts for. I host a lunch for us one day, and come out to her as a trans woman. I tell her my new name, say I no longer use he/him pronouns, and thank her for her support on my journey thus far. She launches into a monologue about how by changing my name I am throwing away all our memories together and spitting in the face of my family. Taken aback by her sudden heel turn after being so supportive of me being nonbinary and GNC, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to get a break and give her some time to process. When I am in the bathroom trying not to cry, she is on the phone. I overhear her misgendering me as she is talking about me being bisexual in a frightened voice. She sounds truly afraid that I intend to be sexually violent towards her. When I leave the bathroom and sit back down I pretend not to have heard. She gets off the phone, saying she was just chatting with her boyfriend. We talk a bit longer, she explains how "the surgery" is dangerous and experimental and she hopes I won't get it. I assure her I won't and do my best to change the subject and hope she comes around after some time to process things, hurt and shocked that what I saw as a natural shift in the path I was already on marked me as frightening in her eyes after knowing eachother for over a decade. That a fellow bisexual suddenly saw my bisexuality as dangerous now that I was asserting myself as a trans woman. I say goodbye to her, and she says goodbye to me using my deadname, I do not risk an argument to correct her. It is months after the meeting we have not seen eachother since and she has not responded to any messages I sent. After reflecting on her reaction further I decide that I don't really want to spend time with someone who thinks these things about me for my own safety and mental health, regardless of our history. A friend of 14 years who supported my queerness and transness gone the instant I crossed an intangible woman-shaped line that marked me as a predator and invader in her eyes.
I log online and day after day see trans women getting banned and harassed. Seeing baseless callout posts calling them groomers and abusers getting taken seriously by other queer and trans people. Seeing proof that deep down so many people I consider kindred spirits see me and people like me as worthy of intense scrutiny and policing to keep "the queer community" safe and united. The blocklist grows but everything stays the same. I treasure the people in my life who don't take part in this and would do anything for them, but it seems they get fewer each time.
I'm not making this post to seek sympathy, I am used to this kind of shit and far worse has happened to myself and others. I just make this to illustrate transmisogyny is not some "online-only" issue like people claim. Even if online issues weren't "real" (as healed is fond of saying, "online is real") this has tangible effects in the way trans women are treated offline as well. By communities, friends, partners, colleagues, systems, etc. That's why we talk about it.
So much of the discussions people have paint transmisogyny as some online oppression olympics maliciously trying to divide the community, smear transmascs, and "reinvent bioessentialism". That is not what it is about. Discussions about transmisogyny is about how we are treated for being what we are, and while related to transphobia and misogyny it is seperate because it often represents doors other trans people and women can walk through that transfems cannot. It has affected me in my most intimate moments when I was with other trans and queer people I felt safe around, and taught me that I need to carefully manage my persona and presentation at all times lest my authenticity be branded "male socialization". I am even terrified to express attraction to people who express attraction towards me because I'm so used to being treated like a predator upon reciprocating or being used and abandoned by people I trusted. I am terrified to be too excited about shared interests with friends lest I be too loud or talkative about it and branded with aggressive male socialization. So I make myself quiet and small, and shrink from the community and people I care about, and become more and more isolated.
Anyways, stop platforming anons who spread lies about trans women, stop hopping on TERF harassment campaigns because the trans gal they're smearing "gave you bad vibes", and maybe consider carefully if in your own life where you draw the line for a transfem's behavior is any different from where you'd draw the line for anyone who's not one.
sending love to other plurals with lots of members, with very big systems. very big systems. big enough that your headcount all too often gets relegated to a "+" instead of a range, that polls about types of headmates someone might have always underestimate just how many, who constantly get told "wow, that must be chaotic, lol"--even by other plural folks who get told the same by singlets, without having ever given information about your system or how you work beyond your headcount. or "wow, we could never handle that many headmates!" or "that must be so overwhelming, huh?" or "bet you can't ever get anything done haha".
you are wonderful. no matter what your goals are (downsizing to a smaller number, staying the same, or gaining more headmates), you deserve support and understanding. no matter your origins, no matter the reason for your size, you still deserve support and understanding. you're not lying or exaggerating. you're good as you are, and you will be good no matter how you will be in the future.
polyamorous plurals, systems, headmates, alters, and parts, will ALWAYS be accepted here. your existence is plenty of reason to not fall into despair, and i hope your day is as good as it can be
