James’s Head

Do I even matter to anyone

[3amry]

- the sleeper-

I lift my head from my slumber, And yet I still yawn

I beg and plead. For them not to wake me

All I wish is to dream

I lay and stare at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to grace me once again

And so I ask

Please don’t wake me, leave me where I am, I’m only sleeping

[3amry]

-My confession-

For life is tragic,

All you love dies and withers away

Nobody notices the pain that cuts deeper than most

And though constantly surrounded,

Nobody can spare the time to check on you

And you hands can’t help,

But edge closer to the blades

For life is tragic,

And I am unloved

[3amry]

-For those in medicine-

For the ER doctors who work through the darkest nights, the brightest and hottest days,

Who hide the burnout,

Who block out their emotions,

Who deal with death every day,

Who sacrifice time and relationships for long relentless shifts,

You are seen.

For the nurses who take the blunt side of patients,

Who deal with constant pressure and commands,

Who wash the dead for the family,

Who are overworked and underpaid,

Who silently cry in their cars after shift.

You are seen.

For the surgeons who are always on call,

Who are constantly on their feet,

Who do what most never could,

Who fix people from the inside out,

Who see things that would give others nightmares,

You are seen.

For the paramedics who see patients when there pain is at its worst,

Who at times risk their own lives to save others,

Who deal with press and crowds while treating,

Who can only pray after handing off victims,

Who are constantly on edge for the next call,

You are seen.

And for the environmental staff who have blisters from their brooms,

Who clean up all the blood and vomit,

Who get rooms ready for each patient,

Who barely ever receive thanks,

Who never get fair pair,

You are seen.

By 3amry

[3amry]

-the draft-

They gave me a gun,

they gave me a uniform,

they said I was serving my country,

that Uncle Sam needed me….

They put me in a plane,

They gave me dog tags,

They said we have a mission,

That I had to be up at 0600…..

They gave me a Purple Heart,

They called me a war hero,

They said that the lives I took saved my brethren…..

I cried my eyes out,

I dreamt of the bodies,

They said that I had ptsd…..

I stood on the edge of the bridge,

I jumped for I could take no more,

They said: “that was one less insurance to pay for”

[3amry]

-a burning memory-

I awake in a place I can’t remember, in fact what can I remember?

My childhood a fog, thick and unwavering, I don’t remember any faces, nor voices, nor names, for I don’t remember

A stranger visits me, she tells me my name, she holds my hand, and says she loves me, and yet I don’t remember

Some children run in every other day, they lay in my bed, and hug my arms, yet I still don’t remember

Their parents walk up and kiss my head, they talk, cry, and call me father.

As my eyes shut again my memory fades, and still I don’t remember

[3amry]

-Robin Williams-

As he would shout carpe diem

I could do nothing but watch with sorrow and tear filled eyes

For I knew what fate awaited him

My mere mortal self could not save him

from a death of his own creation

[3amry]

-the bedside blade-

For every time I would rest my eyes

your face would await me there on the edge of sleep just to haunt me

To remind me of what could have been

To remind me of the death

To give me another reason to grab the bedside blade

So I could lay my tired eyes on your face once more

[3amry]

And as I stared at your pictures with numb eyes

I pulled the trigger

Only to awake in an empty bed, an empty house, and a cruel empty world