My ex and I dated for almost 3 years, but I found out that he was cheating/sleeping with another girl for the past 2 months. And then he left me for her. I still love and forgive him. And understand why the cheating happened (due to distance and him feeling undeserving of me despite my efforts to show that I wanted him), and we had a very happy relationship together. But I fear I'll never get a chance to work things out, since they seemingly love each other, and I want him to be happy. I'm lost
hi love, sorry for the late response !
first of all, i am so so sorry to hear that this has happened to you, it’s a truly awful thing to experience & you on no level deserved it. i’ve realised after a long time of thinking over personal experiences that it’s okay to forgive people when they do things that some might consider absolutely unforgiveable (everyone has different ways of dealing with & getting past things like this & i think you need to do whatever is healthiest for yourself). what isn’t necessarily okay is forgiving them to the extent that you allow them to remain in a position in your life where they are able to do the same thing to you again. i learnt this from forgiving someone because my self esteem was too low to realise that i deserved better: to forgive, but to move on. i think that it’s really lovely that you’re considering everyone’s happiness in this situation, as that’s important, but your wellbeing is what you need to put first right now !
if attempting to understand why the cheating happened helps you to process what happened, i understand, although i need you to know that cheating was his choice, and is in no way your fault: please don’t try to justify the cheating or place any blame on yourself.
i think you need to take those good memories of the happy moments in your relationship forward with you, as they’re important and moving on from someone doesn’t mean that you have to make yourself hate them ! it sounds like they are happy together & i know that that can be painful to see and think about but do keep that kind wish within you: that you want him to be happy. i think you can use that to move forward and separate yourself from what has happened: it’s not that he was never happy with you, but that he’s happy with someone else now, and he just wasn’t the person you thought he was, and isn’t right for you.
if you want to be friends with him, do reach out, although i don’t think it’d be wise to persue anything more than that. i know it’ll hurt to see them, and do take time to process that pain ! look after yourself, and give yourself to heal.
what he did to you does not define you, and you will be able to find your way again, i promise ! time really, really does heal, i promise. if you need anything else or want to chat, please do message me, i’ve had a similar experience so i really do feel for you, but i also know that you will make it through this, love, i hope at least some of this was useful !
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