3 Month Video Challenge

On August 28th I set a challenge. The goal was to video document 3 months following a difficult time of change in my life. I wanted to capture an honest depiction of what I was going through mentally, emotionally and situationally at this point and time in my life, as a 29-year-old learning to live for myself, as an independent individual, in a city on the other side of the world, far from home. My aim was to work through the motions, to practise self-awareness and consciously apply myself, to be positive and to help myself move forward. I challenged myself to do #1thingaday that made me feel good. These 15 videos are the result of this video challenge. From day 1 through to day 88 you can watch as progress takes place, as I embrace change and learn to live for myself. Through my web project ,a href="http://www.makingjgb.com/blog">Making JGB I explore and examine my obsession with 'Life Recordings'. This video challenge is part of the 'Private Lives in Public Forums' series.

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Day 64 - Trapped on a Train - A Japan Wrap Up

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Day 60 - Travel Update from Osaka Castle Gardens 

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Day 52 - Independence and a Trip to Japan

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Day 8 - Be Careful What You Share About Others Observations:

I ended up making this video because, after making the first two videos, it became very clear that I was talking about Sean just as much as I was talking about myself. I realized that it's one thing to talk about oneself, but its another to reveal things about others. In documenting a breakup, you inevitably refer to two people. It's important to be considerate.

Coming to this realization led me to think that this will be something for everyone and anyone to consider if they are sharing private information in public forums. We

I edited a portion of this video out because I shared some thoughts that I didn't feel were communicated properly. In the portion that I edited out though, I ended up removing something I think is very important for me to share...

I have Sean's consent in everything that I'm doing. He has always known that I had plans to broadcast my life online as such. When I spoke to him on the phone recently he gave me his full support, told me not to worry about it and to say whatever I want to say. I'm thankful he's so supportive and I will do everything in my power to be sure that I don't say anything that would make him uncomfortable. There will be brutal honesty, but everything I say is something that I would feel comfortable telling him in person.

Sean is expressing his thoughts and feelings in a public way also. He writes music about our life, our love and our breakup. He has written many songs about us and he sings them to an audience mostly made up of our friends. This is a bit unsettling at times but we both have our own mediums for expressing ourselves and I trust that we will both respect one another.

It's almost like we're Fleetwood Mac. Dealing with our separation by expressing our thoughts and feelings through storytelling and songwriting. I appreciate that we're able to do this.

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Day 17 - I Need Closure

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Day 37 - The End of Breakup Documentation - I Need Your Help!

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Day 25 - Career Planning

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Day 22 - I Need Closure

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Day 13 - The Epiphany

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Day 11 - Dealing with Anger

Observations:

In documenting a breakup, I wanted to capture an honest depiction of what I was living through. Dealing with anger was one of the most difficult challenges for me. It was something I wanted to address in a video because I felt a lot of people could relate to this stage and I hoped that this honest protrayal of feelings might help someone to realize how normal it is to go through this type of burden. 

This was extremely daunting to post. I was afraid of what people might think due to how private the matters discussed were. I pictured people thinking 'OMG, she's airing her dirty laundry on the internet'. This certainly wasn't intended in that way. This was intended purely as an honest portrayal of a difficult stage of grieving. 

Only after rewatching the footage did I realize that I was addressing and speaking to Sean in this video. Video seems to have that effect. It makes you feel like you're talking to someone. I naturally just started talking to him, without thinking about it, and the result was quite surprisingly therapeutic. And interesting. 

Can we use video to speak to others, without them even listening? Is it a good outlet for addressing someone if they're not able to be there?

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Day 4 - An Experiment in Documenting Private Lives in Public Forums

Observations:  I knew this was going to be one of my most important first videos so I put more prep into this one than any of the others. I had previously written about the topic, a few times even, so I reviewed what I had written and put together some notes to guide the flow for the video. As soon as I started speaking I forgot about the notes immediately. Talking about something you're passionate about is the best, it comes very naturally and the energy makes for great enthusiasm. This vlog was really important to me. I want people to know and understand that I'm not blindly blaring my business all over the internet. I'm genuinely interested in what I'm doing and I'm very conscious about the whole process. I want to learn from this. By tracking my observations and by taking production notes I hope to take something from this experience. I have to admit that this is more terrifying than I had anticipated. I fear that my intentions might be misconstrued and I'm worried to hurt, upset or disappoint anyone. I feel fine about everything I'm sharing, but I'm worried that it might be misinterpreted. I've never been one to take criticism well, but I'm aware that will be a big part of this learning experience.

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Day 2 - Living a Lie?

Observations:

I managed to film this vlog in one fell swoop again, like with the first one. It's not easy to capture these in one go, but I find that if I'm passionate enough about what I'm saying, or if I've thought about it enough, then it tends to come out naturally. I hope to be able to do this as much as possible, but I will need to prepare my content and thoughts properly in order to pull it off.

Ad lib vlogging is quite challenging. It's not like writing, where you can erase something if it isn't communicated properly. You can't re-word yourself. What you say is recorded and locked in, most of the time you can't just edit a word or two out if it doesn't quite come out as intended. In this video I referred to Sean as a 'kid' and as soon as I watched it I wanted to take it back. I would have worded it differently. But I couldn't take it back without scrapping the whole video and since I was happy with the rest of the content, I decided to go with it.

I should note that one of the reasons I was worried to refer to him in that way is because I'm aware that his family is watching. I hate the thought of them thinking I'm attacking or criticizing him. I hope that they understand why I'm doing this project - as an exercise in portraying private life in public forums and in documenting what I'm living through - and I hope they don't take offence to my decision to broadcast something so personal about their son.

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Day 1 - Heartbreak and New Beginnings

Observations:

I recorded this in the spur of a moment. It dawned on me that this was a big turning point in my life and that I needed to take advantage of the opportunity to start documenting my story. I jotted down a few notes, but I felt quite determined that I my thoughts and emotions would drive me to say everything I had to say. And they did.

I had to record a second take of 'he doesn't love me anymore' because I became too emotional. Although I want to record raw emotion, I feel I need to maintain a certain level of seriousness and try not to make people feel uncomfortable when watching my videos.