How Smoké Rolls

This is the journal of a newly-fired 22 year old autistic pothead and a record of all the pot he has smoked.

[420charlotte]

The Long Overdue Review of White Widow

White Widow is a hybrid (60 Indica/ 40 Sativa), originating from a sativa from Brazil and an Indica from the depths of Pondicherry, India. It has a 40% CBD output (which is the medical aspect) and 20% of THC (which is recreational). It has been known through Medical dispensaries to help with patients with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (both full-stop and predominately inattentive), post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety.

Taste: It has a taste of a Granny Smith apple, mixed with firewood. There were no issues in regards to smell, as I was able to go about my daily activities without anyone saying anything about how it smells like weed (other than the head shop)

Stoniness: A good mellow stoning that doesn't feel like you're super high. I give it a 4 out of 5. The only reason why I gave it a 4 out of 5 was because I never expected to have munchies.

Negative: Munchies is the chief complaint. There was no cottonmouth involved, other than the fact that my throat was parched from my morning cup of joe 30 minutes before blazing. Munchies should have never occurred, because I had Hooters wings for breakfast. Which was 45 minutes before I blazed and 15 minutes before my cup of coffee.

[420charlotte]

Uncle Smokè, no relation.

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Are you a real stoner?

My Result: You're an ULTIMATE stoner!(78%)

You might smoke 10+ times a day, and you're cool with it, not a show off. You don't really care what other people think about it, but you're not going to run your mouth off and make yourself sound like an idiot.

Additional Results:

You're an ULTIMATE stoner! (78%)

You're a casual stoner (73%)

You rarely smoke bud (56%)

You have smoked, but you're a POSER (23%)

You're a POSER POSER POSER! (20%)

You don't smoke bud at all (0%)

Visit: Are you a real stoner?

[420charlotte]

Article from WCNC.com app! A nice cold Coca-Cola sounds great right about now.

[madstoner704]

The War on Drugs has only hurt the American people. Deaths from heroin is up. Deaths from cocaine (both blow and crack) are up. Meth lab busts are up. Arrests for small amounts of pot (less than 28 grammes) has shot through the roof. But the deaths from marijuana? Nought. The prison population would be cut in half, the crime rate would slow down like a newbie on sour diesel and there would be more Taco Bells per capita than bleeding Wal-Mart. And plus, legalizing marijuana will be great because MARIJUANA WOULD NO LONGER BE TESTED! That means if there would be more people on the workforce, more people making an honest dollar, less people on welfare and the kids can play in their yards.

Lamarr Blocker-Throckmorton

on “The War On Our Pocketbooks”.

(via gayinclt: The flagship page)

[420charlotte]

Dogs Eating Pot

I have to do this expeditiously, as I am waiting for the bus to go to Mass. I was watching WBTV News Sunday Morning, and there was a snippet talking about dogs eating edible medical marijuana items, such as brownies and suckers. They say that "dogs who eat their owners' reefer, it has the reverse effect to what stoners (outside of myself) have-- they will not eat, nor will they want to have the exercise." Dogs should only eat the required Alpo and call it a day, in my opinion. Now, some people swear by leaving a bag of reefer in every room in the house, in the most peculiar places , but all I know is, I like to keep my shit all together, only separated by potency. They also said that giving dogs Aldi reefer is like giving the dog a bone doused in antifreeze. The state of Colorado has imprisoned a number of dog owners whose dogs have died because their owner had synthetic marijuana in reach of Fido.

[420charlotte]

MC Music Choice Herbology Tripping Privileged Stoners Out

The Statue of Liberty was the first lighthouse that used electricity in 1896.

Babies' eyes do not produce tears until they are about 6-8 months old.

Plastic nappies takes between 500 and 800 years to biodegrade.

The vintage date on a bottle of wine indicates the year that the grapes were picked, not the year it was bottled.

Drink driving causes 33% of all fatal traffic accidents in the US

It takes about a week to make one jelly bean (Easter is on 4/20 this year).

Watermelons can cost up to $100 in Japan.(Hallelujah!)

Babies starts dreaming while they are in the womb.

Most of us dream every 90 minutes and the longest ones are in the morning (30-45 long). 

The tallest man on record was 8'11". 

You can reduce the amount of shrunk bacon by 50% by rinsing it in cold water before schkoffing it in the fryer

Lions are the only member of the cat family with a tassel at the end of their tail.

Deaf/Hard of Hearing drivers are safer than hearing drivers.

The stomach of a human produces a new layer of mucous every fortnight. If it didn't it would digest itself.

About 1 in every 4 Americans have appeared on television (in one way or another.

Rats cannot vomit, that's why rat poison is very effective.

The average person has more than 1,600 dreams a year.

Men sweat 40% more than women. (I use Lady's Speed Stick-- it works better)

The Lone Ranger was the first TV show to run reruns.

This is from just 5 minutes of watching MC Music Choice University's Herbology block (which is at 4:00 ante and post meridiem.) This information that they post on AT&T U-verse channel 5104, is to trip stoners out. I will start rinsing my bacon in cold water. The shit about watermelons costing up to $100 in Japan tripped me out. Thank God too, I hate watermelons. The tallest motherfucker I've seen was 7'6".

[420charlotte]

Top 10 People I Want To Smoke A Blunt With Before They/I Die

Barack Obama

Snoop Dogg

One off cipher with all members of Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

Willie Nelson

Kendrick Lamar

Wiz Khalifa

Kid Cudi

Seth Rogen

Miley Cyrus (after having a Dr Phil Moment at Golden Corral)

A one-off cipher with Ricky and Julian from Trailer Park Boys

Not in particular order. This list was aggregated in a rush, needing to take a shit while rolling a blunt.

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Debunking Myths On The Run-of-the-Mill Gay Stoner

This morning, I was drinking some coffee and reading someone's tumblr. about how there is a difference on the doings of gay stoners and straight stoners. Let me tell you how my pot-filled raconteurs are from the time I smoke the blunt to the time my high starts it's hated descent.

Smoké Heda Schidt's Doings:

NO UNFLAVOURED CIGARS

If there is no friends or pot smoking family nearby, smoke alone.

Leave the house within 2 minutes after the previous bus leave your stop.

Smoke a blunt before anything (other than church or going to court).

Pre-rolling is a major plus.

Charge your mobile phone and iPod. Make sure your iPod has a playlist dedicated to the occasion.

When you feel yourself stoned, extinguish the blunt and seal the deal by smoking a fag thereafter.

There is nothing wrong with only smoking half of a blunt.

Always have some soda pop available for cottonmouth.

Only eat during hour 3 or whenever you feel like your high is coming down.

If you are en route to work, and your employer calls, you may need to send the calls to voicemail.

If someone that you don't care about or someone who has money wants to smoke with you, tell them to pay you per toke.

The only allowable genre of music for getting stoned is Hip-Hop. Exceptions include Arctic Monkeys, Passion Pit or Toni Braxton.

If alcohol is involved, smoke your blunt whilst drinking. Not before, not after. Greening out boils my piss.

Smoking pot after drinking coffee makes your high stronger and still incorporates the caffeine. If you're lactose intolerant, do not drink coffee with Baileys; as that will bring your high down because you'll end up shitting your high down.

I'm not your conventional gay stoner because most gay potheads I smoke with, listen to the sad shit...

Those are the top 8 songs I am inclined to listening to if I am stoned.

[420charlotte]

Smoke 'n Bitch Saturdays: NoDaWeen Freaky 5K, Fuckshit With Job Coach and November Dormancy?

Today is the NoDaWeen Freaky 5K race. I am running the race with a goal time of 29:59 while wearing a flowered dress. It is a traditional barter betwixt RunningWorks and Start 2 Finish Race Management that we help with parking, so you know that this is gonna be fun. I am gonna have a blunt at 1620, because you know I only run great when I run stoned. I am also no longer the only stoner in the running group; you know how blissful it is?

To those who think I am going to Novant Health Christmas Parade, you got another think coming... I am NOT putting any money or bus passes that requires a transfer into the farebox. Fuck that. I have done too Goddamn much to have to go the entire month of November without riding on the bus. I have applied to everywhere you can think of, and my job coach thinks I am some loud and ghetto terrorist. I'ma show him a Goddamn terrorist. He said that I was escorted out of Charlotte-Douglas International Airport from Gay Street (Concourse A). That is a fucking lie, because you know why? I was stoned when I went to the damn interview. Plus, I am gonna ask the DHHS if he can get a 9-panel drug screen. Because if I was stoned and acting CIVIL at the motherfucking interview, and he has consistently told lie after lie after lie after lie about my behaviours at CLT, that compulsive deception is activities that he has been fucking with some shit he have no business in doing. Plus, what the fuck was he doing on the wall? Meaning that either A: He either was trying to get crack or heroin or B: He must be doing some other shit. I didn't see him doing anything made it to fruition the last I saw him in the vicinity of the Homeless Resource Centre. If I don't hear anything on Wednesday 30 October, I will tell him that he needs to hand over his Shell gas card, the keys to his Saab A9 and the title to the car. I'll be gotdamned if I'm gonna be stuck in the house for some avoidable fuckshit. When I was banned from CATS was the only time I actually had to stay home bound for months and months on end.

Fuck me in the ass and call me a hoe; I need a blunt.

[420charlotte]

Tales of the Angry Sober Stoner: Caching CATS' Website and Finding Out...

... It wasn't all that bad to ride on CATS from 1999 to 2009. How do I know? I haven't smoked weed in 5 days and I hate that, but I remembered that before the damn LYNX, LeBron Pryor, Lamont Sigler and Curtis Spragion, it was actually quite enjoyable not having to deal with the fuckshit from drivers on I-77. On 17 February 2003, CATS' fares were $1 for local (like the Number 3 or the 11), $1.40 for the 77x and $2 for the 88x. They also tried to get motherfuckers working! These hoes barely even take you to work (on time). In my case, they failed to take me to work at all quite a couple times.

Even more fucking crazy, the 77x had WEEKEND BUS SERVICE! Whoever the general manager was of CATS at the time needed to be kissed on the lips; I remember how we Northerners incited a riot at North County Library during one of CATS' service changes back in 2008. They were cancelling the Saturday bus service and half-stepping the midday service to Cornelius and Davidson. 

This is a list of the October 2002 service changes for Charlotte Transit...

Northeast Corridor

Route #39 UNCC/Uptown : Implement Sunday service and extended night hours during weekdays. That route is now Eastway Drive, because it now terminates off of Elgywood and Dove Tree Lane

Route #54X, University Research Park: Routing through the uptown to include service to the Government Center along 4th Street. 

Routes #21 and #22:.  Separated each route on weekends to operate as a stand-alone route, as they do during weekdays. Route #13 Nevins Road:  Weekday service hours to be extended until 12:45 a.m.

Route #4 Country Club:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.

Route #11 North Tryon:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.

West Corridor

Route #1 Mt. Holly:  .  Increase service to Todd Park neighborhood to every hour service and reroute from Irwin back to Cedar Street now that construction on Cedar is completed. 

Route #1 and Route #8:  These two routes are currently combined on Sundays.  The two routes will be separated and each operate as a stand-alone route, as they do during weekdays.

Route #2 Ashley Park:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.

Route #10 West Blvd.:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.

Southeast Corridor

Route #64X Windsor Square: Two additional trips will be added to relieve overcrowding. That route is now the Independence Blvd Express... same thing applies; you'll be on that bus forever and a day.

Route #28 McAlway Road:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service. That route was made redundant.

Route #27 Monroe Road:   Six (6) more trips on Rt. #27 will be extended into Matthews to allow for night service on weekdays and Saturdays.  Implement Sunday service. What the fuck? Most people would catch the 27 in order to not to to any Wal-Mart in Charlotte or to Novant Matthews.

Providence Road

Route #14 Arboretum:  Implement Sunday service and extend weekday and Saturday service until midnight. Thank God that they added Sunday service... but it needs to be a tad bit later.

Central Avenue Area

Eastland Area Transit Center Routes:  Add two (2) new neighborhood routes to be served with smaller vehicles to serve the neighborhoods surrounding the Eastland area.  The temporary transit center site will be at Eastland Mall.  Areas to be served are Windsor Park neighborhood and East Harris/Idlewild Road neighborhoods.

Route #9 Central Avenue:  Reroute due to implementation of neighborhood transit center routes.  Route #9W will no longer do the Windsor Park loop, as it will be served by the Eastland Area Transit routes.  Sunday service to be expanded.

Routes #3 and #23:  – These two routes are currently combined on nights and weekends and will be separated and each operate as a stand-alone route, as they do during weekdays.   Service on Route #3 and Route #23 will be expanded on Saturdays. They need to quit making the 3 turn left on Cove Creek on Sundays. I'm tired of wasting my breath on dumb motherfuckers who can't see the damn bus stop.

SouthPark Mall Area

Route #20 Queens Road:  Reroute so that all trips, weekdays and Saturdays serve the SouthPark Mall area. 

Route #18 Selwyn Avenue: The last three (3) late night trips (12:00 p.m., 1:00 a.m. and 2:00 a.m.) are being eliminated due to lack of ridership. Keith Parker called this route Cancerous because it was rolling discontinuation. 3 consecutive SCs, discontinued Sunday, Saturday and the entire route altogether... in that order. 

Route #19 Park Road:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.  

South Corridor

Route #12 South Blvd.:  Added 3 trips on Sunday to service Carolina Place Mall.  Deleted 6:30 a.m. trip due to lack of ridership. That's one thing I can agree on with Keith Parker; that LYNX really helped us out because people hated that it took a FUCKING HOUR to get to Carolina Place Mall on the Olde 12. Now it's the 58 and it only takes 10 minutes from the I-485 station.

Route #16 South Tryon:  Expand Sunday service from every hour service to every ½ hour service.

Route #41X Arrowood Express:  Eliminate service to CPCC Southwest Campus (Rt. 24 will serve the campus).  Change the park-n-ride lot that is off of Carowinds Blvd.  The 82X Rock Hill will serve the current Carolina Outlet Place park-n-ride.  The 41X will serve a new park and ride located off of Spring Farm Road at a new Wells Fargo facility.  We will also be serving a new park-n-ride lot at Whitehall Commons Shopping Center at Arrowood and South Tryon.  The 41X will no longer serve the hub stop at Arrowood. We will be changing the uptown routing to serve Gateway and the Odell Building. CATS should have charged those highfalutin heifers $2 for the trip since it went to Wells Fargo in Fort Mill, SOUTH CAROLINA.

Route 24 Windsong Trails:   Reroute to serve CPCC Southwest Campus.  Reroute to serve the new Walmart located at Whitehall Commons Shopping Center.

Route #45X Carmel Road Express – Reroute in uptown area to serve CMGC and Odell Building.

Route #66X Sharon Road Express – Reroute in uptown area to serve CMGC and Odell Building.

North Corridor

North Meck Village Rider Service: Running time added to adjust for peak hour traffic on Routes #97, #98, and #99.  Route #96 to be rerouted to serve Davidson College. 

Route #33 North Meck Connector: Reroute to serve the Lakeview Village neighborhood.  Adjust route time to reflect peak hour travel time.

Route #77X North Mecklenburg:  Sunday service to be eliminated due to lack of ridership.  Rerouting for the uptown loop to include Gateway, the O'Dell Building, and the Government Center at 4th Street. That is some fuck ass shit.

Beatties Ford Area Transit Center Services:  Add four (4) new neighborhood routes to be served with smaller vehicles to serve the neighborhoods surrounding the Beatties Ford Road area and meeting at a central location.  Shuttle service includes:  Washington Heights, Lincoln Heights, University Park, Trinity Road, and Garden City.

Route #7 Beatties Ford:  Reroute due to implementation of neighborhood hub routes.  The route #7 runs will alternate turning around on Sunset Road at Winn Dixie, or Beatties Ford and Rosa Parks.  Sunday service to be expanded. Gotdamn, do I miss Winn-Dixie!

Regional Services from Outside Mecklenburg County

Route #82X Rock Hill Express:  Add 5 reverse commute trips (2 a.m. trips and 3 p.m. trips).  Serve a  park-n-ride lot at the Philadelphia Baptist Church located at 1621 SC 160 West in Fort Mill, SC.   Routing through the uptown area will change to include service to Gateway village, and the O'Dell building.

Route #85X Gastonia Express:  Routing through the uptown area will change to include service to Gateway village, and the O'Dell building.   Add one reverse commute AM trip.  Reroute in Gastonia to make the route more efficient.  Adjust PM routing to allow for a 4:00 p.m. trip from the Charlotte Transportation Center. The route will be adjusted for faster service to and from Gastonia along I-85. 

Route #80X Concord Express:  Routing through the uptown area will change to include service to Gateway village. 

Route #83X Mooresville Express:  Add 4 reverse commute trips (2 a.m. and 2 p.m.). Uptown Area

Route Gold Rush Red Line:  Reroute to turn left onto 6th Street off of College Street, instead of turning on 7th Street.  Did I miss something? Was there a bus stop right at the library? I seriously need a blunt now.

For more information, please call 704-336-RIDE. On my line, 

[420charlotte]

My Definition of A Bomb Ass Night

Because a lot of people know their definition of a bomb ass night, and I am plain as hell, I want to tell you about my definition of a bomb ass night. 

Call up a couple niggas who want to go to a club or just gallivant around Charlotte. 

Smoke a couple blunts of both KB and loud (preferably Trainwreck or Afghan Kush). I don't smoke Reg, because I don't get high and it's like smoking a Marlboro.

Go to the ABM in advance and withdraw $60 and buy some liquor and beer.

Buy at least a couple packs of fags.

Have some good ass grub.

Find some cute ass people

Buy some condoms

Fuck

Get ready to go to mass in the morning.

That is my definition of a bomb ass Saturday night. 

[420charlotte]

Post-Mourning Bog Downs and Copious Reefer Runs

This morning, I woke up at 0745 and didn't get out the bed-- in a comatose state-- until 0930. The only reason up was because my mum was needing for me to take the trash and ride with her to Kinko's to fax my Grandmother's obituary to United Healthcare. Plus, I need to have a chit-chat with Sprint anyways. My phone was fucking up and it got me feeling some type of way. When I got home, I smoked a couple fags, and went back to bed. I didn't wake up until after 1500 and everything went to shit since. I started to get into my depressed mode and with that turned into smoking more fags and pervasive surveillance on the flat block. Do note, I did this whole bit 100% sober.

Saturday, my mother and aunt went to Charleston, and I was stuck on a 3 hour reefer run relay. My weed  man was available when I dialled him up at 0630.  He told me that he would be at my flat block with an ETA of 15 minutes out. At 0930, I sent the disregard message.  I went down the Plaza 8 times between 0630 and 0930. In and outwith with 1 extension. It's fuckshit like that that I don't have time for. I should be able to get kerbside service (or at least in the way of my gotdamn kerb.) This happened again 3 hours ago. This time there was only a 90 minute leeway. He is losing business, and he has lost mine for the next 2 months. Good thing my Emergency Man is adjacent to the loosie man; get all 3 C's in one go: Cigarettes, cigars and cannabis (or 4 if you add chips).

[420charlotte]

Celebrating 23 Years Of Excellence- First Time

First time smoking weed: 16 November 2006

First time smoking more than 1 blunt consecutively: 3 December 2012

First song listened to whilst stoned: Bandz a Make Her Dance- Juicy J

First time going to gaol high: 20 December 2010 at Charlotte Transportation Centre

First time getting caught smoking weed: 3 July 2013 (Cleared by my ingenious chain smoking)

First blown high: 20 December 2010 at Mecklenburg County Gaol Central

First time going somewhere unconventional high: 8 September 2010 at Mecklenburg County Courthouse

First recorded munchies run: 8 September 2010 at Panda Express on North Tryon.

[420charlotte]

Arriva London Driver Pissing on Bus: News from the Stoner Standpoint

This afternoon, I watched Right This Minute with Beth Troutman (from Fox 18) and she told us how an Arriva London bus operator took a piss on his bus, while on his route. What the fuck is going on with London? Have they gone from proper to ratchet?

What the driver could have done was stopped his bus at the next stop and went to an open establishment and ask to use their john (or the khazi or loo, what they call it). Arriva has not yet told us what corrective action they have imposed on the driver. That is some shit I haven't seen in CATS, which is pretty normal. Most of the CATS drivers can hold their liquor, but they can't hold their mouth from homophobia and other fuckshit. I have been on a bus when we were stuck in traffic and the 77X driver pulled over and went into the bushes to relieve themselves, carrying tissue to clean their booty or pussy.

[420charlotte]

Common Perceptions on TV Networks

I've learned that there are common perceptions about television networks in America. The following is from The Stoner Standpointe.

CBS- Old people, infirm (Locally: Foothills and mountain viewers.)

ABC- Middle class, white Anglo-Saxon Protestant

NBC- Lower-middle class, laid-back (Locally: Highfalutin heifers (and me)

Fox- The free stoner channel

The CW- The Run Down Channel

MyNetwork TV- On the Death Bed

Nick- The most secure children's network. How many fucked up Nick babies came out? Anyways, welcome to the nation, Lucas Cruickshank.

Disney Channel: The channel for bringing children into the world of drugs, alcohol, crime and whoring.

Cartoon Network/Adult Swim: The channel for good clean accepting fun, and mainstream programmes for the Adult Swim 

MTV: The analogue signal for Anarchists, stoners and preppy bitches alone.

MTV2: The digital stoner's signal.

The Weather Channel would get much more use once AT&T U-verse puts in a Local on the 8's headend for our market.

[420charlotte]

The First Mass Stoning And Longest High On Record

#1-4

Date/Time: 4 December 2012 1620 hours

Location: Charlotte, NC (7th Arrondissement)

FCBT Scale: H5- Stoned

Date/Time of Landing: 5 December 2012 1419 hours (21 hours and 59 minutes)

Location: Charlotte, NC (98th Arrondissement)

Disposition: Controlled termination

This was the longest high on record and I loved every minute of it. I smoked 4 blunts in the span of 10 minutes and I was blitzed out of my skull. I went to Beaudevin stoned and there wasn't shit they could've done, because I smoked on an off-day. This was how high I was: I couldn't walk down Weyland Avenue to catch the Number 2 bus back into Charlotte. Once I built up the willpower to get on the bus, I made it into Charlotte, but I couldn't make it OUT of Charlotte, until 2200. I, then woke up stoned and made it to work. I was at Beaudevin for 1 hour and 19 minutes when my high went down. For the record, I didn't smoke any more that day... and still got out of Beaudevin 45 minutes earlier than my scheduled clock-out time. Hooray for Reefer!