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@6amscribbles
I miss you. Your embarrassed laugh. Your fake one too. I remember your smiles. I remember I made them happen. The last thing you ever said to me. You are so cute. The last things other people told me. He loved you so much I'm angry. I'm devastated. Sometimes I yell at God. with helpless tears angry tears . How dare he do - this. How dare. Can my emotions reach you? Even in death? I love you.
Scribbles
#34 - 2017.03.10
AWAKEN, MY LOVE! a shrill cry in the dusky dawn AWAKEN, MY CHILD! for certainly it is your time AWAKEN, MY HEART! it's been long, so long since the lukewarm air rose to greet you. Awaken. For it's been too long. I feel it. The plum blossoms gasping. The warm wind singing. Is the winter finally over? Has spring finally come again?
Scribbles
#33 - 2017.03.06
Are emotions a cycle? Like everything else... I should start taking it all down. When I feel warm And watch the mountains And feel the urge to dance And go to Kyoto Meet my friends Like a roller coaster. And then... I feel a cooling down. A coming down. When I feel cold. And hear that demon And can't wake up And can't see the future my friends my hopes and dreams. Only the dark place. And then nothing but emptiness.
Scribbles
#32 - 2016.11.05
What makes life worth living? And is it worth more... than the alternative? I always go to nature. little flowers mountains so big rivers making soft noises the wind blasting life into everything And then, maybe... the way my mother hugs me the way my father hugs me the way my cat loves me unconditionally The overwhelming feeling that I don't deserve of any of this. All those feelings make life meaningful But also... too much. What makes life worth living? What makes life worth living? What makes life worth living? Every day... I have to remember While the silence of the dark place breaths down my neck.
Scribbles
#31 - 2016.10.30
In the summer and in the heat. I open my eyes I am Awake. Hello. World Hello Sunshine! But... In the fall... In the fall... I never remember opening my eyes. that first time... And I never remember to say HellototheWorld or to smile In the fall... I awake with my arms cradling blankets and warmth all around... me. No warmth from the outside. No Hello to the outside Only me in a warm cocoon. Only me...
Scribbles
#30 - 2016.10.28
I'm standing on the outskirts. Of the dark place. the too quiet place the lonely place. I can feel it... It's lightly pushing me. A threatening caress on the back of my neck Go in Go in Go in Go in. And never come out Just go in and forget go in and be empty go in and feel nothing go in and stop fighting go in and escape. I think these are half truths.
Scribbles
#29 - 2016.10.27
I had a nightmare last night I can't... quite remember Two women wouldn't leave me alone Charging into my space. Please leave me alone No. They laughed not in a stupid way in a mean way. The kind of way where mother says "Don't get mad" " They're doing it to get a reaction" "Ignore them" " Don't show how you feel" "Then they win" I remembered these and woke up to an unsettling silence.
Scribbles
#28 - 2016.10.21
I'm MAD and FRUSTRATED Of all the things I buy I get so fucking excited. And then it doesn't work?!? COME ON! I'm trying to be good. Get a hobby learn new things Be cool spontaneous AMAZING!? And I buy the one fucking MIDI Keyboard THAT WON'T WORK ON MY COMPUTER. I just want to make music. to learn new things Come on , universe. Help me out.
Scribbles
#27 - 2016.10.20
DO IT DO IT DO IT Open your eyes Get out of bed You can do it do it DO IT!!! Here I am up and out. I did it. My stomach twisting My eyes stuck together My skin cold & bumpy and shivering. My throat gunky bad taste every time I swallow My nose stuffy. But... it can only get better, right? Let's shower & clean this all away...
Scribbles
#26 - 2016.10.19
What do I want? I want to wake up to be happy to look at my stomach and back and not feel hate to be loved like a woman not a daughter or sister to be understood to appreciate the sunshine the rain the snails the colors to create to love unconditionally to smile to hug to feel beautiful purposeful meaningful to be looked at to be seen to feel less alone What do I want? I don't know...
Scribbles
#25 - 2016.10.18
Still inside 6 AM. I AWAKEN! But only barely... Fought the urge to unlock my shitty phone See what photo my ambiguous naive infuriatingly precious sister has shared Ignored what Graham had to say my 2 instagram updates. Will I even stretch? Move all that tension out and away? Or no? Will those updates call me away? Away to the land of zombies?
Scribbles
#24 - 2016.10.17
I don't want to do this anymore. I've reverted back. to old habits... Stare at my phone until the last possible moment. Get up just inside of 6. I think... Saturday Yes, Saturday. Will be a day of rest. Sleeping and waking up freely. Structure is important. Having time to myself is important. But sometimes... All I wanna do is lay in bed and daydream. That's being productive in a different way... no?
Scribbles
#23 - 2016.10.14
I want to be embraced. loved. taken care of... I want the kind of thing where someone sees me. Sees past my skin and my invisible shield Sees the person underneath. And decides to care for it. I want the kind of thing Where someone sees me struggling sleeping working And steps in wordlessly with a cup of tea a shoulder squeeze a full smile. "You're doing great" "Just keep working hard" "You're amazing..." "I love you..." I want the kind of thing where I can do all that in return. without having to think.
Scribbles
#22 - 2016.10.13
Is being ((young)) scary for everyone? I remember that time. And I remember my loneliness my anger my sadness my frustration I remember wanting to die. Make all those feelings go away I felt all those things. so lonely. So, so lonely. Like being abandoned to float forever in an endless sea. But being unable to die. Parched. Thirsty. Helpless. Wishing every day for it all to be over. But being unable to escape... Is this youth then?
Scribbles
#21 - 2016.10.11
Oh no. I feel sleepy today. All the adrenaline. I'm on the last few drops. Goodbye Korea. It's been fun invigorating inspective laugh-inducing. When I sit and forget how lucky I truly am... I'll remember the feeling of new food and strange experiences Of the fear. the enjoyment. Of the way the Korean sunset looks against a dark & warm Korean mountain.
Scribbles
#20 - 2016.10.10
Megan you should wake up @ 6 AM every day. Write a poem. It'll be easy. Get your mind going. Ha. Ha. Ha. Jokes on you. It's.... 8 AM. I've lied. I don't give a fuck. I'm in Seoul. Time is an illusion I can't see the outside world from my cubby... It's 6 AM somewhere...
Scribbles
#19 - 2016.10.09
I am so lucky. No one in my family has ever set foot in South Korea China India I am the first. No one has seen the food the people. The way the setting sun looked against the mountains. A South Korean sunset. Like all the other sunsets except it shines on my privilege and my luck At being here. Seeing the sunset eating new food. Just for the fun of it all. I must cherish the Seoul sunset.
Scribbles
#18 - 2016.10.07