Dad’s Eulogy - 08/11/22
While it seems like we were gathering here not that long ago for mum’s funeral it has actually been a minute, so for those of you don’t know me I’m Michael, John’s favourite son.
My job today is to try and put into words how kind and gentle the man you all knew as John, was as my father. Fortunately for me, the source material I’m working with is long and varied.
In the last year, and especially few weeks of dad’s life, music therapy became an important outlet for him. Starting with learning to pick up his guitar again, singing with the voice we all know and love so well and finally on his last day, having his music therapist Rowan play some of his fondest tunes to help him peacefully leave our lives.
I was lucky enough to join dad during some of his sessions and we will be showing a couple of snippets from them following these eulogies. During one particular “jam session”, although dad’s ability to play the guitar had long gone, he was still able to sing along (every word mind you, with no lyric sheets to be found) and at the end of the song when asked what he thought of that rendition, as quick as a flash, dad replied – “Not bad, probably around a 6 out of 10”. To be fair, I think he was mostly scoring his contribution. But when further pushed by me he offered up these words of wisdom - “The songs are there, you’ve just got to find them.”
His gentle nature and decades of being a teacher were always close at hand.
One of my favourite facts about dad was that he took two years off working to stay home with Liz and I while mum went back to work. Even in 2022, that would be seen as quite radical but in the late 80s it was almost unheard of.
On top of that, I had the pleasure of having dad, I mean Mr. Nicholson, teach me for two years during primary school. And while I always thought he was a great teacher as well as being the best dad in the world, I often wondered what the other students thought and whether my perspective might have been slightly coloured by bias.
After I shared the news of dad’s death on social media the comments started to come in.
A previous student of dad’s wrote: “It’s more than 40 years since I was in your dad’s Year 4 classroom but I can remember him reading to us all straight after lunch in an effort to get us all to calm down. There was something soothing in that voice.”
I think most of us here today still have the pleasure of being able to hear dad’s calming voice in our heads. Something we will try to hold onto for as long as we can.
A few of my primary school mates also chimed in with one saying, “I still have vivid memories of what a great teacher John was, he left a lifelong lasting impression for so many people.”
Another added, “Remembering in deep gratitude the gift of an education for life that you father gave to me. I’ll never forget his generosity, impact and encouragement on my own journey in life.”
And lastly, “He was always nice to me even after having me for detention.” That checks out.
Even one day at the aged care facility when he had visitors and I was asking him about his experience of teaching me. It went something like this.
Dad do you remember teaching me?
Him: Ahhh yes.
Me: Was I naughty?
Dad: Well you weren’t naughty… (he paused, then I saw the cheeky twinkle in his eye)…. you just wouldn’t keep your mouth shut.
Always firm but fair.
Dad was a man that never swore (ok maybe there might have been once or twice on the tennis court, but it was mostly at himself) and was never at us… and definitely never at mum. How could he? Him and Carms were a perfectly imperfect couple – one of life’s true great love stories.
Given that my wedding to Cara is just around the corner, he will always remain a shining example of how I want to be as a husband and father – patient, helpful, loving.
On the one hand, it weighs heavily on my heart that Cara didn’t get as much time with dad as either of us would have liked. But on the other hand, I will sincerely cherish the time we did get to spend together as a family. And I know exactly how dad felt about our upcoming marriage. From the day Cara walked into my life, dad welcomed her with open arms.
With that all in mind, there was still trepidation with telling dad of our engagement because as his condition declined, we didn’t know exactly how he would react to emotional news of any nature.
But on the day Cara and I told dad we were engaged – he stood bolt upright, with tears in his eyes and exclaimed “this is the best news ever! I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time!”.
I’ll remember that moment forever and be comforted to know that all of us in attendance will be bringing his energy to the festivities on New Year’s Eve.
I could go on and on about dad, such as the time he went to fill up his tyres with air at the petrol station and was confronted by a woman asking him whether he had intended to leave the house wearing a particular item on his back…. It was a metal coat hanger clinging to his jumper. Or perhaps go on about his obsession with movies and DVDs that has probably lead to staff at Big W and JB Hi-Fi wondering why sales across the past year are well down year on year – but dad would be happy if we wrapped this all up sooner rather than later, as was his nature. Never wanting to be the centre of attention, always happy to be the supporting role, clearing a plate at a party or politely sitting off to the side watching as the chaos unfolded around him.
Dad left us all as he had lived his life, with little to no fuss, quietly and with family and music always nearby.
The songs are there, you’ve just got to find them.
Love you forever dad. 💙💛