to write is to breathe

just a little blog for me to post my poems and stories :)

[a-autumns]

oh look, it's raining

(i used to be scared when it rained at night and each boom of thunder would send adrenaline through me and i used to wish wish wish for the rain to stop for a moment so i could sleep and not have to be scared and then i found you

and now im not scared

well

except when i wonder if you're real or if i've gone insane

but maybe that's life, insanity for the sake of sanity

you keep me sane, you know)

dont you just love the rain?

(i do, i always do

i met you in a thunderstorm)

[a-autumns]

it's been 6 years since i sat down with a brand new journal and tried to actually write a book, 6 years since i realized that maybe the reason i'd never thought i could be a writer was because i never really tried. 6 years.

it's been 10 or so years, since i watched a movie and decided to make my own magical characters, 10 years since i first started writing in my head and then never stopped. 10 years.

it's been 12 years? 13? i've long lost count, since i used to make up stories in my head to fall asleep, rather than staring at the ceilings, so many years since i started depending on them to fall asleep every night. it's been years, it's been my whole life.

i have been a writer my whole life, from the moment i learned what stories were, to every moment wishing i could be a writer, to every moment after striving to be one.

i will be a writer my whole life. some 10? 20? 30? years from now, i will hold that manuscript in my hands and it will be years and years and years of this, condensed into pages.

they say numbers don't define you, but words do, and here are all the words that define me, swirling around in that dark room and waiting to pour themselves out of my fingers and into the world. why write? they ask, but how could i do anything else? it isn't a phase, or a hobby, it's my dream. it's my life.

(a love letter to writing)

[a-autumns]

the urge to scream musically but alas i do not think my voice can go that high

[writing-prompt-s]

The gods, jealous of how loved their sibling was compared to them, locked the young god away, forgetting about them. Now, countless millennia later, the gods remembered what they did, but when they open the door, they find that their sibling has gone mad.

[a-autumns]

(Note to self) Write this but the young god is afraid of the dark? Write this the person who freed them actually cared about them?

[a-autumns]

i want to be a poet and a writer and a singer and a doctor and a teacher and a mother and a devotee.

i want to never marry, start my own business, stay anonymous, and bury bury bury myself in history so that no one ever knows me i want to be everything and nothing i want to contradict myself i want to stay up late thinking until i have no more thoughts left in me.

people want to be remembered,

i want to be forgotten

i want to be a part of nature, i want to meld into the grass that goes unnoticed for all its beauty i want to be that pebble you fling into the lake not pausing to admire its beauty i want to be nothing.

if only, to be a part of everything.

[a-autumns]

i wish poetry could mean to you, what it does to me.

[a-autumns]

take me somewhere where my mind can be silent