日記:

“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”

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At last, a life update not really up-to-date

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(A Review) Island by Aldous Huxley

I’m feeling like a traitor because I’m teaching my students how to write a review but always avoid writing them myself. So, here I am.

I just read Island by Aldouos Huxley. It’s a mash of sci-fi and philosophy about a newspaperman shipwrecked on an utopian island, Pala. 

I thought this book’s storyline was interesting. When he was stranded on the aforementioned island, Will Farnaby underwent his healing journey. I especially love that scene where the characters were sending-off Lakshmi.  

Set in the 1960s, the characters were still relevant even to this day. For example, the existential dread of life, the cynicism, or the bargain-basement existence.

In my opinion, Island is a reflective read. If you enjoy pondering about life, this book is for you. 

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a scene from 2025 that stays

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#throwback

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If someone wanted to really understand you

I’m a half-dead body…

… or not? Because sometimes I love life. I want to live forever. I love love love going to concerts even though it is so crowded. The crowds don’t know me, though. The crowds don’t see me. I can enjoy the festivities on my own.

I love going to concerts. I’ve been to several concerts but sadly not to the one I love so much, John Mayer. He is the singer that I need to listen to live before I die (getting a bit too overzealous, aren’t I?). 

I love fish. I love Weird Fishes by Radiohead to death. I love fish and I want it to become my friend because we consumed too much already. 

I don’t love life sometimes. Thinking too much, wanting too much, they overwhelm me. There’s this book called The Midnight Library by Matt Haig that mentions a quote by Sylvia Plath:

“I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want... I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life” 

It resonates with me. I want to learn this. I want to learn that. I want to do this. I want to do that. There’s too little time for so many possibilities. I want to experience this. I want to experience that. It just keeps going. Maybe that’s why we read books and watch movies.

I was so happy living inside a woman during the early 19th century, experiencing love so gentle in Pride and Prejudice. It was so fascinating living inside a backpacker finding the meaning of a journey in Titik Nol: Makna Sebuah Perjalanan. It was so tragic living inside a neglected girl who is experiencing a culture shock and existential dread in Lost in Translation. I felt absolutely giddy living inside a teenager who just came back to uni, facing this bewitching senior in Cheese in the Trap.

I think I’m not really a half-dead body. And you?

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A life update. Sometime in December.

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The opposite of depression is not joy. It's expression. So create, create, create. For it is the soul's medicine.

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the mid-year holiday🌷

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The Art of Chaos: Experiencing Bones and Exfest

In May, I got to experience a mind-blowing thing, noise festivals! I attended Bones on the 3rd and Exfest on the 4th. These festivals showcased people basically making noises, experimenting with sound, and performing art. I was introduced to this scene two years ago, and man, was I fascinated.

I had to travel to two different cities, took my leave. I was really eager for the days to come early partly because it would be a holiday for me, yay. Before the big days, I checked out some of the artists' profiles and, of course, prepared my earplugs.

When I arrived at the first venue, Rossi Musik in Jakarta, I WAS VEEERYYY SURPRISED (yes, the caps lock is intentional). The sound! The sound was SO intense. I grabbed my earplugs right away. I've been to noise gigs before, but the Bones sound system was on another level. There were 22 performers, each with a unique act.

"Crazy" is the only way to describe the performance by Alessandra Zerbinati X Dicktrump's show. She killed it! Honestly, I'd love to describe more of the artists' sets because they nailed the noise and atmosphere, but I lost track of their names. There was one that experimented with I don't know even know what it was exactly, but it didn't just produce noise, it created this deep vibration. It was really sick.

One performer (I believe it was Like Weeds) delivered an epic set using just a thud sound, but it blasted through the entire venue. I was like, "What the hell is going on?!" Each thud made you feel both fear and anticipation. INSANE!

Right after Bones ended, I traveled for around three hours to Bandung. The next day at Sabung in Dago Elos, Exfest kicked off with CICADA 3301. That performance was wild, pure harsh noise paired with fire acts. Some artists from Bones also performed here, like Anti Itch Cream, who took the stage with her intense screams. Torex made an appearance too. Another sick set! Morbid Love also delivered an unforgettable performance.

One group that completely captivated me was Sound of Mary Jane. They brought a single bucket and used it to experiment with noise. Unfortunately, I could only attend the first day of the three-day festival.

Personally, I preferred Bones for its enclosed space and incredible sound system. I’d 100% attend again. Still, both festivals featured amazing performers. It’s genuinely inspiring to see people so passionate and creative with how they produce noise. If you're into art and creativity, you should definitely attend a noise fest at least once.

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Jeneponto's core lol

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a mid-year holiday

Life really always has its way to surprise you. How could I be here? My 15-year-old self would piss her pants off (jk). So, I am currently on the last day of my 6-day trip. I went to 2 different cities. Had a lot of fun! Anyway, I'm at a cafe at the moment, writing this after being in a hiatus of writing for God knows how long.

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Honestly, there are so many new updates in my life, but I'll just leave this here even if it's already March🫡 Until then!

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"Oh, Ana, Ana. When I tell you all shall be well, I don't mean that life won't bring you tragedy. Life will be life. I only mean you will be well in spite of it. All shall be well, no matter what."

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"I wonder if to love is to feel all the grand emotions... like pitter-patter in your heart, butterfly in your stomach, a certainty that he is the one... head-spinnning love. Or is it as simple as being smiley throughout the day?"

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"Little Thunder... Go, be boiling clouds and lightning spears and sky-splitting roars."

― Yaltha, The Book of Longings