i thought hurricane season was over

have you been enjoying my work? i would be very thankful for a kofi!! 18+ a big prawn

[a-prawn]

everybody always calls my huge stuffed dog a st bernard even tho he is clearly a bernese mountain dog 🙄. fools. ignore sam bridges.

[crittaslink]

I gotta hand it to sandler that this scene is exactly what listening to that song feels like.

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

would you still be alive without modern medicine? looking back at your life, would you survive without any to the moment where you are now?

yes

no

barely

yes but it would affect me for the rest of my life

results

Voting ended onJun 2

I'd have my knee fucked up forever 🫪 alive but yeahhhhh

[a-prawn]

matching outfits <3

[a-prawn]

canon event playing out

[a-prawn]

biiiig death stranding horny sketch dump at my bluesky deckb0ss 🫶 go there to see these AND MORE uncropped! muah!

[a-prawn]

even tho i hate him, it felt wrong to not have higgs on my island, even though every other DS character lives there. so i built him a beautiful enclosure. he is not allowed to meet anyone else on the island. i provide him with everything he needs (piss to drink, cigarettes and crack for food, and a treasured evil bong. let no one say i'm not forgiving and kind to that fucking guy <3

[a-prawn]

i get my keys on sunday ^____^ i cannot wait to live by myself and live in the city and get a real fresh start oh my god. i'm unfortunately in that, "so relieved i feel worse than i did when i was stressed the fuck out" phase but i am going to hang out with my bff (sam porter "big tits" bridges) and deliver some mail tonight and fucking drink a huge beer and then tomorrow i get back to work. almost done packing, just gotta hire movers, get this place cleaned, cancel all my utilities, pay my deposit and first month rent and then set up my new place! it's a very tiny studio (300ish sq ft) but it has incredible ammenities (rooftop lounges and bbqs, game room (WEEKLY COMMANDER NIGHT!!!!), in unit washer and drier and FULL KITCHEN, a DOG WASHING SPA, A VERY NICE GYM, and on site storage unit for my camping gear!!!!). it's only $850 a month after my move in special offer, i dont have to pay for any utilities except internet, it's a 5 minute walk to the lightrail station that i can use to go basically anywhere in the city, a 5 minute lightrail ride from my favorite grocery store and tons of incredible bars and restaurants... ive wanted to live in The City since i was a little kid and i finally get to experience that. going to be so much closer to all sorts of queer hangouts and bars and shows and my friends and my family and i dont have to live in this awful house and this town with all its awful memories. just knowing i can hop on the train and go basically anywhere in the city is so exciting, esp with gas prices. my 4 hour round trip commute is going to be halved at LEAST which will save me so much money on gas and wear and tear on my car. instead of being 3 hours away from my parents and my brother, i'll be like an hour away so i can stop feeling guilty about never having the energy to see them. i want to meet new people! i want to make new friends! i want to be able to see my best friends more often and do more things with them! i want to go to crappy music shows and furry raves! i want to go to gay bars! and i can start making plans for trying to get back into freelance art as additional income and maybe even be able to work part time instead of full time... after 6 years of miserable stagnation, i'm so ready to hit reset on my life. i want to go to art classes and get back into ceramics and painting and learning and progressing my art.i want to adopt a little doggie or maybe get a cat for the first time since i was like 7 so i can fit in with all my cat friends ROFL. i wish i wasnt starting over from scratch at nearly 40 but this is when it had to happen. i want to learn to be a person i no longer allow people to take advantage of. i want to meet people who would never even think of doing that to me. i want to make art again and learn to be happy again and selfishly take care of ME for the first time in 12 years. i've lost so much in the last 6 years of my life and i'm ready to take what i deserve and was denied for so long. i want to decorate my little apartment and be happy there. i want to get my health right. i want to start cooking again. i want to learn to love myself. i want to let go of my self loathing and my feeling of being unlovable and undeserving of goodness. i want to be okay. i want to be happy.

i want to be happy.

I WILL BE HAPPY!!!

at the very least, i will be okay. i hit rock bottom. theres nowhere else to go but up now.

[a-prawn]

hung out with my besties last night to wrap up our two year long DS9 watch, ritualistically burned some shit i needed to destroy for my mental health, and this morning my approval for low income housing came thru and i am signing the lease today!!!!!!!! NOW I JUST NEED NOTHING BAD TO HAPPEN FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS AND I'LL BE OKAY.

[a-prawn]

[a-prawn]

i've been taking care of my ex's pet snake for like... idk anymore. years at this point. she was basically my snake bc he just sort of stopped taking care of her. didn't bother me, she was beautiful and pretty easy to take care of and even though i didn't handle her, i liked to just sit and admire her.

saw her yesterday morning alive and well, went to work, started feeling a panic attack, left work early, found her dead when i got home. i really do think i have precognition at this point. i was just about to finalize a new home for her bc i couldn't take her with me to my new apartment. she was probably almost 20 if not a little older. so that's two pets i've had to see die in this godforsaken fucking house i didn't even want to move into. i gotta get the fuck outta here like now man. unfortunately the people in charge of my low income housing case are basically doing nothing <3 and i am running out of reasons to keep getting up in the morning. i had like 1 full day of optimism for the first time in like 6 months and now i am being punished for thinking things might be okay. WHY WOULD ANYTHING EVER BE OKAY AGAIN.

[a-prawn]

quank and obo....

[a-prawn]

rich jay and mike are here now

[a-prawn]

waffling on if i should even say anything, cause i know it pisses me off to have an optimist in my ear when i know shit Sucks...

but, you are a lovely person ive admired for years, and im glad youre still here, and also moving soon (if you havent already)

i also still live in the same state as an ex i had to live with for 3 years, and endured a lot of his explosive breakdowns and weird ass manipulation, and while i do like my new city, i know how hard it is to exist knowing you could cross paths with someone you never want to even lay eyes on again

i have since moved about 40 min away for 2 years, and i will say that it took awhile to realize in my heart + in my body that i was going home to a place that he wouldnt be, and the elation bordering euphoria that just Sparks, coming home to your own space, untainted by memory, i often caught myself in the first year delightedly, practically skipping home off my bus, and i hope you find the same relief (now im just like fuck dude all these goddamn chores LOL)

like its gonna be a fuckin Slog, but youre going to have new dreams, and new moments that bring you happiness

just takes awhile, youre not enduring for nothing 🦐

ty so much for this message. honestly continuing to live in the house i had to watch my dog die in, in the same city as my ex and all the bullshit anxiety that brings, having to drive by the company that destroyed my mental health and ended the only career i ever loved, and 80000000 other reminders of how my life has completely fallen apart is soooooo fucking bad for me ROFL.

i cannot wait to move to a new city i've never lived in and hopefully rebuild the shambles of my life and just... start over. meet new people. go do things i've never done. get involved with the queer community. see my beloved friends more. get divorced. get free of all lingering attachments that only serve to hurt me. the idea of finally being able to go home to a place that is just mine after 6 years of living with my ex (AFTER WR BROKE UP BTW) will be such a good reset for me. i can start to learn who i actually am again bc i morphed myself so much for someone else. i barely even remember who i am anymore and i can't wait to find out who i really am now. and it will probably suck and be painful but it'll be worth it. i expended so much of my energy on someone who didnt do the same for me and i'm ready to take care of myself.

(and maybe somehow learn to love and trust again. but also learn to accept being alone and maybe never finding love again. i can come to terms with that (thru gritted teeth))

i'm so happy to hear you are doing well in your new situation!! keep on keepin' on, baby.

[a-prawn]

but god forbid I POST COCK ON TUMBLR. whatever man. who fucking give a shit.

[a-prawn]

I've had a heavy crush on you since like 2015 (maybe before that? Time flies lol) so I personally I don't think you'd be alone forever. Not to discount your feelings btw just giving my 2 pennies.

that's very sweet <3 i vow to disappoint you too, someday, but extremely sweet nonetheless, dear anon.

[a-prawn]

the truth is, i've been thinking more about my favorite fictional men breaking up and getting divorced instead of falling in love bc my ultimate dream is to finally get divorced and check off the last thing on my list that requires communicating with my ex ever again. soon. well that and i know i'll be alone for the rest of my life bc no one will ever actually love me and all my hopes and dreams have fallen apart and i dont have anything worth living for but i dont have the mental energy to freak out about that right now. gotta recover from being emotionally tortured for years first (no money for therapy so i stay suffering)