Ok, so there is this girl. And I like her in a queerplatonic way, and I want us to be queerplatonic partners, right? Well, she’s repulsed by the idea of us being in a romantic relationship, we frequently go on platonic dates, and she’s asked me if I would like to be her platonic life partner, to which I said yes, and we talk about how much we love each other platonically. Are we a queerplatonic couple, and if not, how do I ask out queerplatonically? (Just for context we’re both extremely LGBT)
You’re a queerplatonic couple if both of you agree that you are! I’d definitely say yall need to talk about that, though, before anyone goes about putting labels to it without the other knowing.
If yall are talking about stuff like “platonic life partnership” already, though, it probably won’t be super hard to float the word “queerplatonic” out there and see how she feels about it. Discussing words and labels for a relationship that already exists is pretty normal, and it’s okay to have that “what are we?” conversation however many times you need to.
If what you’re suggesting is to just apply a new label to an existing thing, I’d say all you need to do is go “hey I found this word, it means this, I think it describes our dynamic pretty well. How do you feel about it?” and talk from there!
If what you want is a change in relationship dynamic, I would definitely bring it up differently. I’d still bring the word up and define what it means to you, but also talk about what you want from the relationship exactly, what things you’d like to change, and ask her how she feels and whether those are things she’d be comfortable with. Ask her what direction she sees yall going in, and if she wants anything more from the relationship, too.
And definitely ask yourself, and establish with her if you need to, whether you’re okay with things staying the same if she isn’t comfortable with them changing. It’s okay if you’re moving in different directions, but you need to talk about that if it’s the case.
Just go in with a clear picture of what exactly it is you want, and what your boundaries around that are. Give lots of room for her to figure out and express the same things, and communicate together about it. Basic relationship stuff, even for platonic relationships!
