Ok, so there is this girl. And I like her in a queerplatonic way, and I want us to be queerplatonic partners, right? Well, sheâs repulsed by the idea of us being in a romantic relationship, we frequently go on platonic dates, and sheâs asked me if I would like to be her platonic life partner, to which I said yes, and we talk about how much we love each other platonically. Are we a queerplatonic couple, and if not, how do I ask out queerplatonically? (Just for context weâre both extremely LGBT)
Youâre a queerplatonic couple if both of you agree that you are! Iâd definitely say yall need to talk about that, though, before anyone goes about putting labels to it without the other knowing.
If yall are talking about stuff like âplatonic life partnershipâ already, though, it probably wonât be super hard to float the word âqueerplatonicâ out there and see how she feels about it. Discussing words and labels for a relationship that already exists is pretty normal, and itâs okay to have that âwhat are we?â conversation however many times you need to.
If what youâre suggesting is to just apply a new label to an existing thing, Iâd say all you need to do is go âhey I found this word, it means this, I think it describes our dynamic pretty well. How do you feel about it?â and talk from there!
If what you want is a change in relationship dynamic, I would definitely bring it up differently. Iâd still bring the word up and define what it means to you, but also talk about what you want from the relationship exactly, what things youâd like to change, and ask her how she feels and whether those are things sheâd be comfortable with. Ask her what direction she sees yall going in, and if she wants anything more from the relationship, too.
And definitely ask yourself, and establish with her if you need to, whether youâre okay with things staying the same if she isnât comfortable with them changing. Itâs okay if youâre moving in different directions, but you need to talk about that if itâs the case.
Just go in with a clear picture of what exactly it is you want, and what your boundaries around that are. Give lots of room for her to figure out and express the same things, and communicate together about it. Basic relationship stuff, even for platonic relationships!
