A Blog

Many events that happen in my life that I'll touch up on. If you can relate then read.

[a-struggling-blog]

Time to talk on "Friendships"

Hard to come by, and hard to keep. You know how that person lets words and actions offend and effect them. Is that why it's so hard to communicate to them when you're upset with something they did? Is it because you already know how the're going to respond? Are you just getting in your own head too much? Why is human interaction so complex? If you know that person so much to the fact you can know their response how do they not comprehend how you're upset? The knowledge of each other should be vice-versa. I've come to gather that many human beings don't care enough to learn about another in depth. Many say they want to know your past to get to know you. How many people are still around that you've shared everything with? How many times did they use your past to hurt you or prove their actions for hiding stuff from you? Many people are selfish and act like they care for others. It's almost nearly impossible to tell someones real intentions towards you. That's why I'm an observer of human interactions. I feel like being quiet and watching the extroverts interact helps you comprehend better on human interactions.

Answer me this. After an argument or talk with your friend over something that bothered you gets resolved, why doesn't it feel like your friendship is back to normal? Is it because you couldn't or didn't say what you fully wanted to say? Was something said too hurtful to you that you are still defensive and now over thinking on what was said? Did you not get to bring everything up before it got resolved? Is there still something subconscious bothering you? Do you not take their apology seriously? Do you feel like they only said sorry for their actions or words because they don't want to talk about it anymore?

Answer me with your thoughts -ASB

[a-struggling-blog]

Suicide.

It’s easier to find the negatives in my life. I struggle with this process everyday of my life. So many things go wrong. I’ve tried to find help but I always get the, “when I was younger I had it worse.”  Had a friend post recently of a tattoo she got involving the semicolon. Raising awareness about suicide. Saying, “Where the author could’ve ended the sentence but chose to keep going.” Then stating how she was happy she never ended the sentence from the many times she’s thought about it. 

Where the lonely, fed up, broken mind comes into place. when I first read the post I thought exactly a “sentence.” Which in mind correlated it to a jail sentence. Not the positive mindset of your life is your message to others. You’re sentence of importance. You’re sentence in the book of life. 

The feeling of being alive and happy is hard to come by. When you have multiple doors slamming in your face. Having the feeling of being stomped on and being taken advantage of let alone taken serious, takes a big tole on the mind. It’s hard to keep your mind going thinking you mean something in this world of overpopulation. 

Many people see suicide as a coward way to go, also a selfish way. But look at it in the way of putting yourself in their shoes. How many times did they used to speak up? How many times were they shot down? How many times did you notice someone not acting like themselves and did nothing? How many times did you try to help someone resolve their issues? How many times did you tell them to just be grateful for what they have instead of hearing them out because, you didn’t think they had anything to complain about? 

A person can only handle so much, it’s no wonder why our hearts start to break and feel trapped. People say, “just go get therapy,” do you know if they could financially afford it? Getting a healthy mindset in today's world is a battle many can’t win. Look at the anger, hate, and sadness in today’s world. I understand suicide. Personally I couldn’t do that to my family so I’ve always sucked it up and slept to wake for the next day. But also isn’t that selfish to the people I live and love? That’s why everyone says it’s selfish, because they’ll be hurt and greaving  from the loss of you. 

Understand the reason why that person took their life. Understand what they tried to handle and what defeated them. I know I feel like I can’t share half of the things that make me upset because of the responses I’ve gotten from sharing. Getting your life compared to someone who doesn’t have as much as you so I should be grateful for what I have. That I complain too much, or too negative. I get that I do have things others don’t have, and others have things I don’t have. That is not an excuse on why I’m not allowed to be unhappy. Living day to day with stress, anxiety, depression, and the thought I’m going nowhere in my life should be a main concern. Here I am just sweeping how I’m feeling under the rug to not inconvenience other lives.

 People say god won’t give them what they can’t handle. That he’s doing these bumps in the road to test your faith. Is that not selfish within itself? I think about this every time something complicating comes into my life, and how consistent it seems to stumble across me. How is me not being able to handle what god keeps throwing at me to the point I take my own life mean I went against his faith? Why would he push someone to the point they wouldn’t want to exist that said persons fault, when he know your breaking point? Food for thought.

I’ll touch up more on this topic later. -ASB

[a-struggling-blog]

Friendships.

Have you wondered why people get close. Why people drift apart. What males it different from the time where you first started being friends, to the time where you drift apart. Does one actions change ? Does one simply just drift apart? Why is there communication when one has another issue with another? Is it because we know them so much we can predict the outcome of the conversation brought to hand? If so how do we not know how to bring it up without the conversation getting out of control? Is it because we know someone so much that we haven’t taken the time to look at ourselves. Do you really know your triggers? Are you being as understanding as you say you are? Are you understanding the other party without yourself getting hard headed and defensive? This year has seen to be the year on many old and new friendships ending. Do I know why these old friends have gotten mad at my actions? Yes. Did I try to address why I have done the actions I did? Yes. Did that change their opinion? No. 

To focus on the negative on why you are mad at someone can cause a destruction itself. They can explain themselves to the fact they give up because you’re focused on your hurt they caused. Jealousy to other friendships can also cause a destruction. A friendship I’m going to address involves this action. People don’t like to be alone, let alone rejected. Showing you’re putting effort into others and not you makes you feel left out and not wanted.

You can talk to someone so much and communicate your feelings to where your lungs give out, but if they don’t care enough they won’t act on your words. Someone will put in the effort if that’s what they want to do. They aren’t hanging out with you because they claim to be too busy. Then you notice they are hanging out with multiple different people not even a week after. Don’t think it’s all on you. When you’ve tried to contact, communicate, talk about their actions and how they effect you... You can’t change it. You shoot your shot. 

People forget you can’t control how someone reacts to what you say or do. How you say one thing can be defensive to another even if that wasn’t your intent. Hurt can be caused by anything and everything. No one hears anyone out. Either from them believing they are justified to act the way they feel just, and to believe you are the bad guy because you were the one to hurt them. Once someone is upset no matter how long you wait for the right time to talk to them, it can and still will bomb. Many also don’t realize their subconscious is taking out other issues on another person, or even little things said person has done that upset them that they swept under the rug. That’s why communication about anything and everything to a person is a key to any working relationship.

   Trying to keep an opened mind on anything is easier said than done. You have an opinion? Hard to change your mind correct? Has someone comes at you with allegations on what you've done? How did you act? Did you hear them out properly, or got defensive? Have a view on a certain topic? Hard to change your view correct? Keep in mind we are all human and can’t be perfect. We all make mistakes and misinterpret. Any relationship with any human being is one of the most challenging concepts to master in this life. If you’ve been hurt recently don’t react to that person with allegations. Talk about what they’ve said and done has hurt your feelings even if it wasn’t their intent. Most importantly, have these conversations in person and not over messages. You can’t hear tones on how they are talking. 

    Keep your head and confidence high when you get broken from others. You are you, and there’s a reason you are breathing. No matter the struggle. No matter the set back. No matter how much hate you feel. There is a bright side, it’s just harder to find. Don’t let the anger consume you, or you’ll never find the brightness to your life. -ASB