You don't want it - enough.
You: noooo sora of course I do thats why I've been reading about it for months
If you did, you would act upon the knowledge. You would let go and just be. Instead you treat yourself like a clown running around chasing for your glasses that are on your head.
You tell me you act on it but it might last for a second or two and then you're back to chasing. How to be, how to be. This is not temporary. This is a radical change of everything "you" thought "you" knew.
Have discipline. You cannot let habit limit the Self. Discipline, discipline and discipline until the Self shines through because you are always you, is there a time where you are not you?
You just think that the you I'm referring to is the person, but then you I'm referring to is your very being. Have you ever not just been? Removing all labels, are you not? You know all this, you do but the addiction of chasing is just so strong. You don't want to give up on the body-mind yet, you're attached but you tell me you are not.
Even if illusory objects make "you" happy, material possessions can provide only a temporary happiness. A glimpse. Your happiness relies on a world of falsities; you are creating a world, identifying with it then working to change it, then gathering data from the world You created. Stuck in a loop.
If you wanted it, you'd give every-thing up and be "reborn" , completely free from thought. Just BE. Not for an hour or 2 hours but constantly. This means giving up hatred, regret, guilt, blame, need-based love and attachments of all kind essentially because they're all illusory. It can feel scary and it can feel sad but it is not how You feel because You are no-thing. It is just an emotion arising that you think is yours.
Resistance might be felt but go against it! Have will and determination! It might seem easier to be in a life where it's what "you" always knew but it's not even real! There is no time, you are just thinking you have lived a life when you haven't because every experience is FRESH!
SO PLEASE just continue going back to who you are; " ". No labels, no attachments, no expectations; just " ". Don't let an illusory object You created control You.
Get to a place where if a seeming someone says "the name you think you are", you KNOW it is not YOU. You know You are Dimitris, Maria, Irene all at once because these are just thoughts, you're free.