I saw people doing a thing where they post selfies from 2015 and it sounded fun so I did it! Obligatory pic of me in my underwear included because damn hormones have done a lot for me.
So yes, 2015 - what a year! I actually came out to my school friends at the very beginning of 2015, and the rest of the year has just been so many more steps in my transition process. Getting involved with the queer community on campus, coming out to my younger brother, STARTING HRT, presenting full-time as female, coming out to the rest of my family, getting my chosen named used in classes, and today getting a date for my legal name change.
I’m proud of myself. I really am. With a lot of other separate stuff that’s been going on in my life, it’s been really easy for me to constantly think that I’m worthless and a failure. But just making this post has helped me remember that I’ve grown so much in just a year. It’s not just the physical changes - I feel like I’ve become more whole as a person. But the physical changes are a good metaphor for that I guess, and I also know that being able to present the way I want to has helped nurture my growth as a person.
I remember a few months ago I had a conversation over the phone with my mom about my transition, and she basically said that although she wants me to be happy, she was upset that I’m going to be a different person. And I replied that this transition would not make me a different person, it would just help me become more true to myself. While to some extent this is true, I now think that I actually am a different person than I was before. I just don’t feel the way I used to, at least as far as I can remember. And that’s OK. One of the biggest things I’ve learned this year is that people can change. Identity can be fluid. There’s nothing wrong with that at all - in fact I think it’s really cool! It makes me wonder what person I will be a couple years from now.Â