Toxic masculinity as a pyramid scheme
Boys and men are encouraged to “pay in” to toxic masculinity. Your “man card” isn’t an inherent right of maleness; it’s something other men can revoke if you fall behind on your payments. To get boys to buy in, men at the top are trotted out as examples of the FABULOUS REWARDS investing in this scheme gives you. Look at that man! He’s rich! He’s handsome! He has the respect and adoration of his peers! Floozies draped over him slavering to fulfill his every whim! A beautiful wife and a great home! Perfect obedient children! Don’t you wanna be JUST LIKE HIM? Invest in toxic masculinity today!
There’s just one catch: modern toxic definitions of masculinity are designed not to deliver the rewards they promise men.
Ever heard of a pyramid scheme?
Pyramid schemes promise the FABULOUS RESULTS of investing by showing you the people at the top of the scheme who are living their best lives. What they don’t tell you is, the system isn’t designed for everyone to succeed. The success of the top depends on the failure of the people at the bottom.
Masculinity, in particular, costs men the very things they need to succeed.
Permission to feel or express any emotion except anger or lust, even when emotional intelligence is key to success in work, play, friendships, family, and love. Instead, just be STOIC and STONE COLD.
Close, emotional friendships with other men or women you’re not interested in sexually, where you express affection for each other in a genuine way, and escape the effects of loneliness and isolation. Don’t be GAY, be a GOOD BRO. (Oh, you’re gay? That’s rough, buddy)
The ability to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and socially, whether that’s using the right moisturizer for your skin or seeing the doctor when you feel sick. Only SISSIES acknowledge weakness!
Peaceful or constructive ways to end conflict instead of escalating it with violence and shows of dominance. SHOW THEM WHO’S BOSS.
This system promises that you’ll get all these needs met some other way. All the other men will respect and worship you and give you the support you need. A perfect woman will come into your life and fulfill all your physical, emotional, and sexual needs. Your children will respect and defer to you, so you’ll never feel lonely or irrelevant.
But, well, for that system to ever work, it has to be massively exploitative--of the men under you, of women, and of children. And even when it does work perfectly, it only really rewards the men at the top.
So would you rather keep paying into a pyramid scheme, or do you want to try to claw back your investment, take ownership of all your feelings and experiences and skills and abilities, and try to figure out a different model?
