So at the end of last year/early this year, one of my roommates (Moe) went missing for about a month and a half. No idea where he went or what he was doing - at first I thought maybe he went somewhere for winter break but he has a hard enough time being able to afford our split utilities bill, so I'm gonna say that option is pretty low on the totem pole. But he is back, and he is in action!
Moe is in law school, and, like many people, I would assume that you have to be pretty smart to get into law school. I'm trying to say this in the nicest, least discriminatory way possible... I think Moe may be the token non-caucasian person in his class(es). Because it's either that, or where ever Moe is from, he has done NOTHING for himself EVER, and therefore does not know anything about how to live in 'Murica (which in a way does make me feel sorry for him, but some things he does are creepy and/or annoying, so that got shot down real quick). Some prime examples include:
Me having to explain to Moe why there was heat coming from a vent in his room, which then led to me having to explain how that works/what the thermostat is, which then led to a giant note being placed over the thermostat for Moe to STOP TURNING THE HEAT OFF. OMG. WHY?! Can't you just enjoy the nice little things in life?!
Moe never taking the trash out - this includes the kitchen trash to our trash cans outside, and taking the trash cans to the curb during his trash/recycling week. He told Fan Discher that he "doesn't use the trash in the kitchen" and that's why he never takes it outside (which is a whole lot of BS as the only things Moe ever eats are frozen dinners. And where do you think the boxes and plastic containers go after they come out of the freezer/microwave? The kitchen trash, of course.) Moe has also claimed that he didn't know to take the trash cans out to the curb because he thought that the garbage men came right to the front porch to pick it up... ---__________--- Yeah, they're ganna walk up 1-2 flights of stairs to come and pick that up for ya, Moe... Once again, I'm gonna call BS on that. Moe has been living at the house since August, has to walk everywhere and/or take the bus because he doesn't have a car, and yet he is still going to try convincing us that he NEVER noticed the bins FULL of trash in front of our house and ALL THE OTHER HOUSES IN THE AREA sitting outside on the CURB on Monday nights/Tuesday mornings. I. CANNOT. (Typical white girl/basic bitch response was necessary.)
According to my & Fan's observations, Moe has quite possibly never washed his laundry or at least never washed his shower towel and it is very moldy. Ew.
The amount of hair that Fan has had to pull out of the boys' shower drain has been enough to make quite a few fur coats for Barbie and all of her friends, maybe even for a My-Size-Barbie. Which is quite surprising to me as Moe is about 5'5" and maybe 95lbs. How can someone that small have so much hair on him?
As posted earlier on this very blog, Moe has some unique ways of cooking his frozen meals. He has on at least one occasion placed a frying pan with an already broken (probably melted) plastic handle in the toaster oven so that he could cook his curly-q fries for breakfast.
The possibility that Moe does not understand the concept of changing a light bulb in order to fix a light that will no longer turn on.
So this last one will get a little more story to it. Since Moe's return a few weeks ago, he has consistently complained to me that he has complained to our landlord about the fact that the light in his closet does not work and needs to be fixed, yet no one has been over to the house to fix it. For instance, right before there was NO heat in the house for 4-5 days, the "repair man" (who is really one of those "jack of all trades" kind of guys) finally came over to take a look at the shitty system. I'm in my room, and I hear the quietest knock on my door to the point that I wasn't sure if there was actually someone outside my door or if I was hearing things because it is an older house. Anyway, I open the door and it just so happens to be Moe!
Me: Hey, Moe. What's up? I haven't seen you in like 6 weeks. I thought maybe you left us.
Moe: Heh. Heh. No, I am still here. Is the repair man here to fix the heat? I thought I saw him downstairs earlier.
Me: Yeah, he came back. I saw him earlier on my way in, and he on his way out. Said that he needed to get a few more things to fix the blower. But he's downstairs now fixing it.
Moe: Oh, because you see, I have emailed the landlord about the light in my closet that needs to be fixed and he hasn't fixed it. I was hoping the repair man could fix the light for me while he is here.
Me: Uh huh. Well he's downstairs. Right now. (Why the f*ck are you telling me this AGAIN?! Have you tried a light bulb?)
Moe: Oh, well I want to know if he can fix the light in my closet.
Me: (Is the light in your closet code for the brain in your head? Again, why the f*ck do you keep telling ME about this?!) Well I'm not his employer, but he is right downstairs. Why don't you go and ask him... Now.
Moe finally maybe takes the hint and walks away. Still fails to ask the repair man to fix the light bulb in his closet. Still tells me about the light in his closet not working every time I see him in the kitchen before I get a chance to step away. Seriously, dude. You're in college, which means that you're a big kid now. Grow up and get things done yourself. This is not where ever you may be from where perhaps women tend to men, and I'm sorry that you may have not figured that out yet. But do I look like mother? Do you really thing I'm going to treat you like a child and do things for you? Because I'm not. You can do it yourself. This is the U.S. of A. - the homeland of DIY. So DIY, Moe. Embrace the DIY-ness and learn to be that strong, independent woman who don't need no man. Ask the repair man to switch the light bulb in your closet. Or better yet, go and buy a light bulb, and change it yourself. If that still doesn't work, then tell the landlord and/or repair man that it still doesn't work. Tell them yourself.
At this moment, while drafting this blog entry, I have decided to hold off on the creepy story about Moe because:
This blog entry is long enough as is.
I've just received some very important and exciting news that will soon be making its appearance on this blog!!
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! I mean, Stay tuned.
Down, Billy! Down! Calm it down! I'm excited too, but the people need a little break. We need to create some anticipation, and your enthusiasm is just a little much right now.
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
discoholicmusic
janainaart
annaxmalina
stormborns
andulkaphoto
yousharknotpass