𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒘𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒅

HE’D NEVER CARED MUCH FOR STRAWBERRIES, BUT THAT SUMMER HER LIPS WERE SO STAINED WITH THE JUICES THAT THEY WERE ALL HE TASTED. AND HE’D NEVER HAD A FAVOURITE FRUIT, BUT TWO YEARS LATER, A NEW GIRL IS SAT IN FRONT OF HIM, LAUGHING AT HIS JOKES. “IF YOU COULD ONLY EAT ONE THING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?” SHE ASKS PLAYFULLY. AND HE REMEMBERS HOW HER HANDS TRACED THE VEINS IN HIS NECK AND MADE THEIR WAY ACROSS HIS CHEST. HE REMEMBERS HER SOFT BREATHING AND LIMBS DRAPED ACROSS HIS SHOULDERS. “STRAWBERRIES.” HE TELLS HER. “I COULD LIVE A LIFE ON NOTHING BUT STRAWBERRIES.”

[aadics]

manicured hand flattened onto the table behind her, not particularly in front of, or intruding one’s beeline for the punch bowl, the short-locked & whimsically curled brunette stood in awe of the beauty around her. adelina usually leant a good portion of help to the set up process as she was at the top tier of the committee for decorations, however, the past week hasn’t been the most fitting to face a huge crowd of people. red lace & layered fabric graciously centered as her attire as it resembled one similar to her prom dress from a few year’s back. “ i - um, pardon me if i’m in your way. ” she spoke up, as she felt the other beginning to pass the line of evident personal space. absentmindedly, she swayed in such a diaphanous way to the noted tune overheard as she acknowledged a few of the camper’s taking part in a line dance; the smaller was still unsure as to whether she caught the silhouette’s attention beside her.

[aadics]

★. matucs !

“ it’s amazing. he doesn’t even need to speak – his face says it all. ” nodding in whole-hearted agreement, theo popped a few milk duds into his mouth. indulging in some comfort food didn’t fill any void, but it certainly ameliorated the pain, if only for a moment. “ oh, audrey. ” his brow furrowed, he scrubbed one hand along his jawline. “ i still can’t fathom how courageous she was. i mean… being a courier for the resistance ?? working against the nazis ?? ” his eyes drifted from the screen over to the elegant visage of his sweetest friend. “ you remind me of her, truly. ”

dreamily staring at the screen, of james dean looking dapper in that crisp, red leather, she noticed his star studed face morph into that of jackson’s & she felt herself ease back into the heartache she knew many times before in this passing week. usually, the midsummer’s dance brought such HAPPINESS & lasting memories in corresponding to the night’s veil, however, this year she wasn’t on his arm, & his not on her’s. it seemed like a quick snap & destruction resonated from the very reason both of them never even began to thought would occur. a kiss. she hadn’t told many, even a hint of something happening during that tremendous storm. in this moment, though, it felt comfortable enough for her to do so & maybe lighten her chest. however, theo was both jackson & adelina’s friend & this time would be of belittled stress. “ oh - uh, yeah ? you think so . . . ” she grinned into the valleys of her knuckles, naked without her class ring & a few other thrifted rings as she moved her glimpse from the screen before them. “ i think you are a walking image of mister james dean. ” adelina straightened her posture, waving her fingertips holding a few pieces of caramel popcorn before resting them under her tongue.

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

A tornado could have ripped through the camp and still it wouldn’t have made Jackson move from his spot. There were more important things here, namely the vitality of whatever was left between him and Adie. He knew she was right, yet again. He had a choice, he simply wasn’t brave enough to make it sooner until it was too late. Jackson listened to every word intently, his heart breaking because the very someone she was describing could have been him and should have been him. And if he still tried for that, it would have been selfish. It wasn’t fair to Adie, and she certainly deserved someone so much better than this hollow man of a person he had become. “You’re worth the very best, Ads…” he pulled away, taking a half step back because any sort of touch he shared with her from now on would have made what he was about to say and do a million times more difficult. A dry scoff came to his lips as he now let his gaze fall to the muddy ground beneath his feet. “I’ve always wanted to be that someone for you. I know you probably don’t believe me now, but I swear to you. But you’re right. It’s not fair to you and it’d be selfish of me,”. For the first time the entire day, Jackson was thankful for the rain. The rain that streaked down his face with his own small tears that masked just how torn he felt. “You don’t have to be stuck with me anymore. I’m just not the guy who’s lucky enough to deserve you. All the times I came to visit you and Clara, I always believed a little bit more that maybe .. maybe I could be that guy who took care of the both of you but I get it now,”. He nodded fervently, more than he needed to just for something to help him quell how shaky he felt. “I’m not. I’m sorry I let you down, Adie. I’m sorry,”. 

her words hadn’t lined up exactly with the portrayed meaning he was getting across to her now, this much was true with the very shake of her head. “ no . . . jackson, i meant i’m voluntarily stuck in the idea that you could love me back when you sincerely have these feelings for amy. i want you happy & i want amy to have the same. clara loves you, too, so don’t think for even a second you’re letting us down. ” adelina conveyed, the mention of her sister’s name withering all sense to remain completely neutral as she slipped out a few tears. “ you can’t be that someone for me & then for someone else. that isn’t fair. ” she retorted, the COMPREHENSION not entirely sinking in as she tried to meet his eyes. give me a sign, she thought. “ & i’m sorry if my kiss was too forward & out of place. we can forget about it. ” although she didn’t entirely mean it, as it vividly hung like a backdrop for her mind . . . she sounded convincing.

[aadics]

★. matucs !

“ god, how is he so pretty ?? his eyes are heartbreaking. ” theo expelled a heavy sigh, practically flopping back onto the couch. he was indescribably relieved that adie had agreed to a double feature of their favorite actor; with east of eden and rebel without a cause playing, the room was suffused with nostalgia and innocence. exactly what he needed. james dean’s charming, patrician features were enough to distract them both ( at least somewhat ), thankfully. “ i can’t believe a stupid car crash stole him from this world. ” shaking his head, he bit into a gummy bear from the stash of snacks before them. “ if i could resurrect anyone, it’d be him. ”

perched leg rested against her chest, as her stature was adorned in a two piece silk attire, consisting of a camisole & shorts. adelina hadn’t been around much since the power outage & the events that took place during such, that she found comfort in her bed & hidden in the kitchen of the dining hall, scrubbing at dirtied plates & taking on extra hours in the process. her roughened hands proved it, although now devoured in a creamy lotion, of sweet smelling residue as they indulged in a handful of caramel popcorn per the brunette’s request. “ he’s so dreamy, especially those eyes. it’s like they could tell a story, ” her head tilted in admiration, as she devoured each piece in between scenes. “ i’m torn between him & AUDREY. ” adelina kept more to herself, leaving plenty of room for the other to extend his limbs & stay awhile.

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

He could already feel it. The distance between them growing as if feeling her slip away between his fingers. Jackson was familiar with this feeling. Over the years, the many visits between them, and the closeness they shared only to have to break himself apart from her added together didn’t seem nearly as heartbreaking as this very moment now. What brought an even more painful pang to his chest was the fact that she didn’t believe him, that she took a stance that other women, unimportant and negligible women in his life would take after a one night stand. Adie wasn’t like any of these trivial people in his life. She was his very best friend. “It’s .. it’s complicated. This isn’t how I wanted things to go. If I had a choice, you know I’d never let it all happen like this. I wouldn’t do that to you,”. He searched her eyes to show her the earnestness in his words. “Please don’t,” he uttered, barely in an audible way. “You’ve always,always been my person for me. You’ve always been there, Adie. You’ve never left. And neither have I. If you go now, what does that mean? You don’t want to talk to me? See me? ..You hate me?”. 

his words only deepened her wound she was trying to bandage in the process, his words like thorns & she was the unfortunate soul at the end in all of them. her short brunette tresses laid unwillingly against her cheekbones, laying them behind her ear as she crossed her arms in a protective way, as if her heart hadn’t already been broken into one hundred pieces. “ everyone has a choice, jackson. ” she inaudibly spoke, as their distance wasn’t too grand to shout across anymore & she was left shaking from the EMOTIONS succumbing every fiber of her being. “ but what about me ? when do i get the happiness everyone else has with someone ? not that being your PERSON isn’t enough for me, but i want someone in another way. where everyone else is just so evidently less in romance’s eyes. i want all of that & every moment to be something where i feel worthy of having it. the feelings i have for you won’t allow that, so how is it fair you get to have it & i am stuck ? ” she moved her fingertips, covered in her shirt sleeve that was saturated entirely, from underneath her nose as she spoke & hiccuped in the process. her crying usually brought that & now it’s just confessions for jackson & the rain to hear.

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

As if standing outdoors in this torrential downpour didn’t make him feel terrible enough, the scrutiny of her question sunk some sort of nail in his coffin. She was right. They always told each other absolutely everything. But when it came to the realm of love and relationships it was an utterly different story. “..I do. I do trust you. And you can still trust me,” he offered meekly, knowing full well his words likely held less meaning when he had just revealed he had gone and done the very opposite. That, and the fact he was blatantly lying to her right this moment. Used to love was a little farfetched. No one could possibly be so close to Adelina as he was, someone as amazing and as beautiful as she was, be head over heels in love with her one moment and not the next. Wiping his hand down his face to rid it off the dripping water, he found her gaze. He simply stared at her for a few moments, wondering now of all the could have and should have been’s between them if he had been a little braver.  “That’s the thing, Ads. I know you don’t want to hurt me. But do you know why this is so unfair? It’s because I don’t want you to say it’ll never happen again. I still – ..I want you. I do. But I can’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone,”. Reaching out, his hand found her arm to pull her into a tight embrace. Jackson let his face find the crook of her neck, hiding there for some sort of solace. “I never wanted you to be this girl,” he whispered to her against the roaring thunder that surrounded them. “I never wanted you to be the one that got away. But I can’t Adie. I can’t do this to you, and I can’t do this to Amy. I wouldn’t be the guy you always rooted for and had so much faith in if I did that,”. 

normalcy would be them, just the two of them set out for a picnic under the same tree they’ve gone to for years, with the red & white checkered blanket & talking about everything with sincerity & honesty; with fresh strawberries & laughter, hand holding & time being just a figment of life itself. for some reason, she felt like a statue when she was tugged into his warm embrace that covered her very DISTINCTIVELY from the severe downpour & soft crackle of thunder over the mountains. this wasn’t a scene in the many romance films she had collected & watched in her quixotic paces of realizing she deserved something similar, however, the anguish never seemed as clear as it did now. she felt as if she were viewing herself & jackson from a darkened cloud above, unable to surface until amy’s name was mentioned & she knew all too soon the exact person he had been happy over recently, much so to leave her out of knowing. “ amy . . . my friend, you’re — ” she nodded, arching her head to give a good amount of space between the two. “ don’t stand here & claim you want to be with me, but don’t. then, then you’re over here having relations with the very person who’s closest to me, other than you & lola. don’t you even say that to me because i’m not those other girls. because i love you. ” she stumbled over her footing at her latest confession, too lost in the idea that she could’ve just been as vulnerable as she was to her first love. “ i need to be alone. ” responding, as if it were that simple. “ pardon me, but you hurt my feelings. ”

[redactedc]

concept: love letters make a comeback

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

He could hear her following him, chasing him and calling his name, and it simply broke Jackson not to heed her call and stop. Puddles were everywhere, splashing muddied water up at his legs and making him even colder in the pitter patter of the rain. He had hoped that maybe if he was stomping away, the rain and water itself would be loud enough to drown her out, but to no avail. With every word she gave, Jackson could feel his heart pound even more fervently against his chest, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “I was in love with you!” he spun around and bellowed. He could barely see Adie in this weather except for the silhouette of her in the darkness. “I waited my whole life wondering if I should ever make a move, wanting to make a move and worrying that it’s going to ruin everything. And now? Out of no where you kiss me – the one time in my life when I finally think about moving on and start dating someone? This is when you want to kiss me?!”. He knew deep down none of this was Adelina’s fault. If anything, he only had himself to blame for being too cowardly to admit how he had always felt. But it felt so much easier to shout, yell, blame – and unfortunately for Adie, she was the only person around in this storm. “It’s not fair,” he croaked out, a lump forming in his throat making it difficult to speak. “You can’t just out of nowhere, fuck with me like this. It’s not fair,”. 

at this moment, she felt as translucent as she laid her emotions out to him moments prior as the wind scorched her cheeks & she was left cuffing her sleeves INDIVIDUALLY as it concealed her shaking hands. she felt her heart about to topple out of her chest & rest on the very grounds in between them, which it might as well considering the fact it would set everything into such realism. what hurt far more than his unmet feelings, or used to be feelings was the golden rule of their friendship. honesty. “ since when do we not tell each other stuff, jackson ? i thought you trusted me, i certainly trust you. ” her dampened composure was contorted from the harshness of the storm & overwhelming emotions; loved ? how could she have been so blind & obtuse to the idea ? adelina flinched at his words that weighed heavily on her chest. “ jackson, why would you think i would ruin any relationship you have ? i have feelings & i was acting on them, i promise it’ll never happen again. ” she pronounced with reassurance & with definite trust in that, the stale words leaving an unforgivable feeling in her mouth as she wiped her mascara stains onto her shirt. “ i never wanted to hurt you, that was the least of my intentions. ” he was slipping through her fingertips, for the very last time.

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

Yes, he knew. Of course he knew. Jackson felt as if he knew nearly everything about Adelina, and certainly that she didn’t kiss just anybody. That was the very reason he had hurt for nearly half a year after he found out about her adventures with a certain boy in the lake. But he needed confirmation when they took such an unexpected turn together. Watching as she backed away, as if shirking herself of him, Jackson shook his head. He barely even heard her words anymore when he felt like the world had damned him. “This isn’t fair,” he muttered under his breath. “I’ve waited.. so long and wondered for so long if you even remotely .. liked me. If you ever wanted to be with me or would ever see me as more,”. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jackson’s voice wavered as he spoke. “Why didn’t you say anything before? Why – why haven’t you told me? And of all the times you could have said something or kissed me why did it have to be now?”. They were silly questions, ones that stemmed from a growing sense of bitterness not at Adelina but for the conundrum that they found themselves in. The answers were likely the same that Jackson would have if she asked him too. There was simply too much on the line to risk. The way he reacted to the entirety of it confirmed that. What should have been the most blissful moment of his life instead wrought his mind with mixed feelings, and when Jackson felt himself exposed, vulnerable or anything of the sort, he did the very thing he did best. “I have to go. I need to go,”. It was all he offered before he scrambled around, looking for the shirt he hung up to dry. It was no where near ready and the weather outside certainly wasn’t welcoming, but Jackson pulled on his shirt and sucked in a breath to brave it all anyway. Opening the door to the harsh rain, it punished him with wetness for daring to venture into it; but it didn’t stop the boy from trying to get away from the cabin. 

adelina didn’t expect him to up & leave, especially in the pinnacle of the storm. after everything that had taken place through & through, she had to be truthful & admit she never expected half of what transpired that night. slipping her long sleeved, stillwater shirt over her head, she pulled it down to where it drooped below her shorts & she stood there in the sulking stages of the now revelation she couldn’t admit feelings for anyone, for their own good as much as her own. pulling her SHORT LOCKS to lay dampened over her shoulders, she turned on her heel as she caught the very end of his figure exiting through the blown open door. “ no, jackson ! ” mascara running down her cheeks & her converse coated in a new layer of mud. “ people can’t chose when & where they fall for someone. what they can choose is what to do about it & i chose to kiss you. i was going to the other night when we were watching the campers, but i didn’t because i was scared. and maybe i thought about it a couple of other times, but i knew there’s no possible way we could cross the line. but god forbid i spend the rest of my life thinking what would happen if i had the courage to tell you. clearly it’s an inconvenience & clearly you’re not telling me something, that’s fine. but please come back inside, i’ll find somewhere else if you can’t stand the sight of me. ” she finished, rain beating down the weight of her eyelashes as she could barely raise a blink as her sleeves rose above her sight. “ please, jackson. it’s not safe out here. ” she pleaded, as her knees bent slightly & rose to standing again.

[theotreptos]

Polaroids of Audrey by Mark Shaw

[aadics]

★. jackscnm !

Just as quickly as the bliss came and dawned on him, the motion of Adie pulling away to stand there left Jackson feeling even more hollow than before. He had waited a lifetime for this, dreaming of it and even almost dared to do the deed himself. Yet now, somehow it seemed God or whatever higher being existed was playing the cruelest joke on him. Of all the years she could have kissed him or he could have confessed, it had to be now. The one and only time in his life he delved into a relationship (of sorts) with someone else. Perhaps it was karma for all the terrible things he had done, but Jackson got to his feet, his mind a whirl with a bombardment of thoughts. “No, I –”. His brows now furrowed to match the ache he felt in his chest, a pained sort of look written on his face. “Do you.. do you like me?” he asked timidly, daring himself to believe that it was possible for someone like Adelina to fall for somebody like him. A hand ran threw his messy and still damped locked as Jackson studied the beautiful moonlit features on her face. “You have no idea. You have no idea how long I’ve waited to kiss you. But this .. isn’t how I ever pictured it. This isn’t what I –  ..You shouldn’t have done that,”. 

her nervousness over the storm that hadn’t slowed down the brew since mid-afternoon was not the only kind resonating within her, if only the smallest CONFIDENCE was strung back with the tide that washed over her to begin with. if only she hadn’t fallen for every detail that made up the taller in front of her, every whispered secret & public display they put on, who’s to say any of it mattered ? small arms reached across her chest to shelter the lace that traced above her ribcage & over her shoulders, backing until she was met with a chair as she leant against it for much needed support. she felt her whole world, of rose-colored glasses & optimism, coming to a dimmed close as his words sent like daggers. “ i don’t go around just kissing people, jackson. i thought you knew that much from me, i do. truly, wholeheartedly . . . the whole thing. ” she quietly spoke, finding her most attentive quality in every wooden panel & bucket of art supplies to try & make sense of her thoughtless motions that conveyed no more than moments before. “ you have ? ” a sudden elation of unexplainable happiness began to travel from her heart & every single component with slow blinks & growing lips until his final word met her grin to fall. her heart on her sleeve & she feels her legs ready to give in at any moment. “ i — i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean for . . . ” she wanted to include his name, but it seemed like it would only be an addition to the dampened curve of her eyes as she took in every step & what she could’ve done in replace. suddenly, the room felt smaller & she needed her shirt, badly even if it was coated in tree sap & the rain’s behavior. her hands were ten times over from earlier’s shaking, as she found her balance scooting around the table on pins & needles. 

[aadics]

★. dxddyorion !

With the picnic tables in sight, Orion let out a quiet sigh. While he was not st all struggling with his share of the boxes, he was truthfully not use interactive work. shaking his head a little, “ there’s no way i’d be able to forget such a beautiful face. ” His flow of compliments only just beginning. He had to admit, he had an affinity for things he found stunning. The young woman before him seemed to catch his eye in an instant. “ Mm, i am enjoying my time here quite a lot actually. I tend to not get much time to even see the sun, let alone bathe in it. ” Going off to the array of boxes, his hands grabbing bundles of stramers and packs of not yet inflated balloons. His eyes fell to the work his hands seemed to be doing. “ no need to thank me, doll. Gives me a chance to get to know the lovely Miss Adelina. ”

attentively listening to every word that came from orion, who in fact was no longer a stranger, adelina grinned from the change in pace from the usual converse she had partaken in around stillwater, at least. compliments weren’t the easiest to be handed to the brunette. however, it consisted of her thoughtfully hiding her blushed countenance & stuttering over a makeshift response. “ plenty of, uh, sun around here. which you have to be careful, sunscreen is your friend here. not your only friend, but a nice one to add. ” she retorted, a toothy grin in a lightened capture of her protruded lips as she reached on her TIPTOES for the tablecloths in a box. “ depends what you’re wanting to know, i must say you might not be too impressed. i’m kind of simple, what you see is what you get. ” from a general standpoint, orion looked more poised & of high status, something adelina only felt farther accustomed to considering she worked three jobs, attended classes & somehow took care of clara all in a day’s work. but she never felt as though one would portray so differently from the next. rather, she felt intimidated & flattered all at once.

[aadics]

what is the best flavor of capri sun?

HONESTY HOUR // ACCEPTING !

“ mountain cooler is literally the only kind i’ve ever known & adored plenty. it’s the only shipment our local grocery carries & i’m alright with it. ”

[aadics]

would you rather: slow dance with jackson, try to scare the kids with marty, or get wild with orion?

HONESTY HOUR // ACCEPTING !

“ slow dance with jackson. depending what getting wild consists of then i’d have to say orion. marty, i’ll probably be the one convincing her not to scare the campers. ”

[aadics]

fmk: orion's lice, bob the tomato, felix's pet frog

HONESTY HOUR // ACCEPTING !

[aadics]

how was your prom experience?

HONESTY HOUR // ACCEPTING !

“ i was actually working a shift at my father’s, now my step-mother’s diner & rhonda, who also waitresses there … she convinced me to go because prom is that one night every teenager dreams of & why should i miss out ? so, we bolted to the closest thrift store & found this dress, MASK, too because it was actually a masquerade. i barely fit into my station wagon because the dress itself was that wide & back when my hair was long, too. too soon. anyway, felix & i at the time were just neighbors, who coincidentally had windows facing one another & he noticed i was sitting alone. so he asked for a dance & he actually made me feel normal for once. like high school ended on a pleasant note & i thank him for it. ”

[aadics]

will you be ready to bop to cotton eye joe at the dance

HONESTY HOUR // ACCEPTING !

“ i’ll have you know, i’ve been perfecting it behind closed doors. the cupid shuffle is something i know by heart, however, the COTTON EYED JOE has been quite the challenge. ”