Melancholic girly

[abitmorewhimsical]

I prayed hard enough 

I prayed hard enough  And you’re still not mine I wrote down every wish  Then lit it on fire 

So pardon me  If I lose my faith  But for you any longer I can't wait

Maybe love isn’t found In burning altars or holy words Maybe faith’s not a prayer But the strength to let go

To love without begging To want and still say no

So if you ever decide You’ll find me whole No longer waiting My heart still soft But no longer breaking

And you’re still not mine

[abitmorewhimsical]

If we were to have a child,

I'd call her Daisy—

like the nickname you used for me,

and the flowers you'd pick in the meadows

where we lay carefree in the grass.

I reminisce about the time

when we thought love alone was enough

to make it last.

Now, as I sit alone, shivering in the cold,

I miss the sun upon my skin,

the scent of the gentle breeze,

and most of all,

your arms around me.

Maybe what we had was enough.

Maybe it wasn't so bad.

Maybe we can still

glue the broken pieces back.

[abitmorewhimsical]

Sometimes I get so in my head,

I imagine things that aren't there—

doubts that whisper,

asking if I'm the one,

catching glimpses of a wandering eye.

You never gave me a reason

to second-guess your loyalty,

yet I keep creating scenarios

that question your character.

You did everything right.

Still, I cannot stop,

and it kills me inside.

In your eyes,

I'm nothing less than perfect.

You make all my wishes come true.

I love you.

I trust you.

So why does my mind betray me?

[abitmorewhimsical]

You're missing from me—

tu me manques,

quite literally.

The air I breathe

doesn’t feel the same

when I can’t feel you near.

There are so many people around,

and yet my focus rests only

on who is not with me.

How can I feel sorrow

for something that isn’t there-

a negative space?

I notice how colors fade

when you are not there to see them.

The world turns muted

after I have known it saturated.

Even my laughter dries,

it sounds fuller, brighter

when it’s meant for your ears.

I keep thinking

how much richer life would be

if your hand were in mine,

if we could feel it all

together.

[abitmorewhimsical]

I know pain,

I’m used to greeting it

like an old friend.

Many things that happened

weren’t things I deserved.

I had to make peace with the idea—

that sometimes life is unjust.

Sometimes the kindest people

carry the worst of it,

and sometimes the worst person you’ll ever meet

wins the main prize—

the lottery.

All the pain I’ve been through

made me softer,

more gentle—

in the way I speak my mind

and care for you.

Each of us has a choice:

to drown or to move,

to promise never to hurt someone

the way we were hurt.

Pain makes you grow,

it teaches you

to notice the small joys.

It cost me a lot to be this gentle—

a lot of violence

to become this soft

[abitmorewhimsical]

You cannot lose

what was never yours.

I cannot steal him—

he was never yours.

Maybe he lived

in your late-night thoughts,

but that means nothing—

his heart sleeps in my home.

You thought we were racing.

I was walking backwards—

and still,

I’m the girl he calls

when the night caves in,

the only one

who can make him cry.

I’m a girl’s girl—

just not for the girl

who wants my man.

Wanting what isn’t yours

breaks every code you claim.

Find your worth.

Find someone

who chooses you.

His hands are calloused

from building me a home,

from carving altars in my name—

worshipping

the god he found in me.

[butterflypeaflowertea]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i was doomed to take things too seriously and think about them forever

[abitmorewhimsical]

Suddenly, all the pretty love songs

were about you, my dear.

Strange—

until now, I never believed

in a love deep enough to make you sing.

A love that inspires,

that lingers in every note,

because art hits harder

when it carries feeling.

It’s three in the morning

and I sing sweet.

It’s a sunny day

and still I sing.

My love doesn’t fade

with the daylight.

I would never question

who you are in the dark.

I feel like a teenager

confessing all of this,

finally understanding

what it means to love without condition.

It comes with trust—

that you won’t hurt me,

and I won’t hurt you.

In the end, it’s the one

who brings you peace,

the one you don’t mind

spending a whole day with

doing nothing at all.

So for you, I’ll always sing.

Even if I lose my voice,

my heart will carry melodies

meant only for you.

[abitmorewhimsical]

Include me—be mindful of me

in the plans you make, in the choices you choose.

I will bend for you…

will you bend for me too?

When you’re deciding,

I want to live at the front of your mind

the way you live in mine.

I would never choose to hurt you,

never choose to lose you—

so can you hold back

from the things that make me pull away,

that turn me distant, cold?

I run at the first hint of pain—

not because I don’t care,

but because I’ve already felt too much of it.

So think of me

the way I think of you.

Please—

just be considerate.

[abitmorewhimsical]

I’m so tired of the fact

that everyone wants to be casual.

What happened to deep,

soul-crushing romance—

the kind with the power

to light the world on fire?

I can’t do casual.

I’ll consume you whole,

or I won’t consume at all.

I’d rather be starving

than have half-hearted love.

It takes so much energy

to always wonder

if what I say will be too much

or not enough—

never knowing where I stand,

always crossing lines

I didn’t know were set.

I’m a full-package woman.

I cook, I clean, I fuck,

I’m pretty and kind,

and I’m really, really smart.

And you will never know me,

not really

while your eyes wander

over imagined greener fields.

Without committing,

you’ll never see

all the wonders I can show.

[abitmorewhimsical]

This t-shirt is cursed, forever smelling like you. I washed it four times, still I can’t undo the memories we made that winter on the beach.

When I wear it, I carry the ghost of you with me. It takes me back to that place in Europe where it’s 20 degrees in January and the waves kiss my feet.

The first and last place where you took the time to know me, to hold me.

We made love every night, you kissed my hair while I slept, like I was yours to keep.

Now I patiently wait for a text back that will never come. You moved on fast— I’m still undone.

This t-shirt is all that I have left, so I wear it like a warning to myself— not to fall for pretty words and a gentle touch, not to confuse simple lust with something like love.

[abitmorewhimsical]

Apple

I bit into the apple you offered 

knowing better, 

but wanting you more than I trusted myself. 

I tasted every consequence 

the moment I said yes. 

You wanted intimacy 

without responsibility, 

sex without commitment.  

My body,

without my soul.

You made sure I needed you more 

than you ever needed me. 

And when it was over, 

the blame sat quietly in my hands 

like I should have known 

not to trust someone 

who knew exactly how to lie. 

Eve too let the devil lead her 

to bite into the apple, 

and suffered for listening 

when she knew better. 

And the man placed the blame 

like it was hers to carry 

as if the sin was to trust 

and not the lie.

[abitmorewhimsical]

The moon pulls the tide

the way you pull

wetness

between my thighs.

Wild waves, strong wind—

intoxicating chemistry

as I breathe air

salty from the sea.

One glass of wine

turns into a drunk night

where I make love to you

as if you were the one.

I can’t be trusted

when the sun is out,

temperature rising,

the ocean cleansing me.

It makes me reckless,

too at ease with life.

Actions don’t have consequences

when you’re holding me.

[abitmorewhimsical]

“I can't be nonchalant around you, you make me care.”

What a sick, twisted lie you tell to your prey.

I resemble a deer with my eyes so brown,

deep gaze so sweet,

clueless about the hunter

hiding in the shadows of the trees.

I tend to see the best in people,

I tend to believe the words they say.

Because how could you lie

when I stand before you, unarmed?

If you just wanted touch

and the privilege of sex —

you could've said so.

I didn't need to be chased and hurt

by believing words you never meant.

If you care, come clean

and tell me —

what does it mean

when you lie to me so effortlessly

about being in love with me?

How many dears have heard those words

from your lips,

words that made them naive and blind

to the man you are,

hiding behind camouflage

with a rifle and beautifully wicked smile

[abitmorewhimsical]

So many years I've spent trying to starve myself.

Only to realise that no number on the scale

will ever be low enough to satiate

this never ending hunger.

I learned the hard way

that there's no winning in a battle

where your opponent is only yourself, and the goal is perfection.

I stared at my body in the mirror and broke down when the realisation came,

how did I get so lost

in what only started as a summer diet plan.

It's been seven years of hunger,

seven years of hate.

seven years of vanishing.

I opened the freezer,

took out chocolate ice cream and let it melt on my tongue,

I savoured the taste.

I tried so hard to be appealing to the eye,

thin so everyone would applause my body.

But it'd never show it

because it was never good enough.

I wanted to be sexy when I get undressed,

abs on stomach, slim legs.

But I'd never have sex,

because I lost lust as I lost weight.

I didn't care, that my teeth rotted and health declined,

if on first glance I was a candy for the eye.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

but I felt many things greater than low number on a scale.

I tasted joy, I tasted sorrow, I tasted fries and steak.

[abitmorewhimsical]

I don’t want you to fall in love with me.

I want you to walk toward me—

slow and steady.

Be certain you want me

before you say those three words.

Let love be a decision,

not a descent.

Let every step you take toward me

be something you meant to do.

Falling is harsh.

It’s sudden. Disruptive.

When we fall, we brace for impact.

We hit.

We scramble back to our feet and run.

Falls awaken the fight or flight,

pulse racing, breath shallow.

I don’t want love that startles the nervous system.

I want love that softens it.

Love that steadies my breath.

Love that slows my pulse.

Love where I never have to wonder

where I stand—

because I am standing beside you

[abitmorewhimsical]

"You're mine"—a phrase so often used,

Yet too often misunderstood.

I don't see you as a possession,

Something I can claim or own.

Rather, you're the one who makes me feel seen,

The one with whom I can truly be myself.

You're mine in an emotional sense,

My safe space, my refuge,

where I’m never afraid to be judged.

I cherish the person you are,

Even when I'm not by your side,

And I’m grateful to be the one

With whom you share your thoughts, your fears, your dreams.

So yes, you're mine,

But I do not own you.

I respect you.

I trust you.

And above all, I love you