only angel @lonelyangelonlyangel - Tumblr Blog

#e.g.w.#my love would have more than made up for the father’s total lack and it still does #e.e. cummings #engraved locket #heart shaped locket #grief #baby loss #mine #my upload #my picture

i’m sorry i haven’t replied to my friends messages on here yet, in particular my one dear friend who knows who he is. i will soon. i couldn’t resist them, and now i’m not good. but i will be okay, and i will reply soon. i’m not trying to do anything bad i just needed relief from the pain. i’mwsorry if i’m stuck like this for a little while i promise it’s okay I’m just kr not sober. it took all my energy to type this i keep nodding off. love you friend, and love you anyone that cares. i’msorry i couldn’t resist, percocet is my one and only love the only one that loves me back. the only peace i’veewber felt. thank you for loving me i’m sorry to anyone I let down. the only thing that lets me free, no pain anymore. j and a broke me i need this thank ou for understanding and thank you other friends on here who don’t judge. my heart is destroyed i just need the pain stop for a while i’m sorry i relapsed perc is the only thing to save me it’s the only relief I get I won’t OD I promise 🤍 love you i’ll be back when i can

FUCK i just found a stash of percocet hidden in my moms car from a surgery she had months ago that she hasn’t touched because she’s afraid of pain meds. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

#i’m literally in the parking lot of my therapists office waiting for my appt bleeding through the side of my pants #i taped a pad over my hip where i did it last night but it’s still coming through #also i’ve been inhaling kpins and another thing i don’t want to say here #and my right hand is bloody still #idk if i can tell my therapist about what i just found i want them so bad #i haven’t had any in like three years #fckfckfck #personal #vent #tw

i’ve been the most depressed and anxiety ridden i have ever been in my life to the point i’m having catatonic episodes and when i’m awake and present every waking moment is the absolute most excruciating hell i have ever felt in my life and i will likely have to endure this for months. but in other news i haven’t been able to keep food down at all in over a week and have lost 15 lbs in three weeks from stress and pain so i guess there’s the bright side. my surgery for lipo is sept 8th and at this rate i will barely weigh enough for the surgery but at least i’ll feel more confident i guess. idk. does anything actually even matter anymore. i don’t think i can do it anymore. i will until there’s nothing left of me but i’m already hardly here. is there a point to the suffering ever or is it just to make the time go by until you get to be happy for a brief moment again and then suffer worse. i always thought money would buy me beauty, and beauty would buy me love. but whatever is broken in me cannot be fixed, and i think i am incapable of receiving the love i’ve waited my whole life for. so i don’t really know what the point is anymore.

#personal