still not very secretly obsessed with “Mace Windu unfucks the timeline and takes Anakin Skywalker as his padawan while running bitter, bitter deadpan gallows-humor commentary” as a fic concept, really.
“I HAD A VISION AND EVERYONE IS GOING TO LISTEN TO THE VISION. Also I will not be explaining the vision. Also-also, dibs. Sorry, Jinn, too slow. You can get the next Chosen One.”
“RANDOMLY, ISN’T IT INTERESTING HOW A ZABRAK CAN SURVIVE BEING CUT ENTIRELY IN HALF? BETTER NOT DO THAT IF YOU EVER RUN INTO A HOSTILE ONE. THE GALAXY IS A FASCINATING PLACE.”
“Use the fucking buddy system, Qui-Gon. WE HAVE THE BUDDY SYSTEM FOR A REASON, QUI-GON.”
“Alright, kid, when the rest of the Council asks your ship ‘accidentally’ took off with the rest of the fleet, got it? Good. Get up there.”
“Today’s padawan homework: going to visit the creche and not coming back until you have a varied friend group of peers your own age who you can vent to/be influenced by throughout your impending teen years/apprenticeship, I do not care HOW LONG it takes or how old ‘your age’ is by the time you’re done, get going.”
“Politicians are the devil, padawan. Stay the hell away from politicians.”
“Good luck bodyguarding Senator Amidala, Master Jinn, why don’t you take Knight Kenobi with you. Anakin and I will be on Tattooine for the next several months for no particular reason.”
“Did I mention that politicians are the devil, padawan?”
“Hello, Mr. Lars, the Jedi Council has elected us to erect a very tall fence around your property as part of a community outreach program on behalf of the Order. Yes, it IS electric, very observant, Mrs. Lars. Oh excuse us please it looks like you might be under attack by raiders, let us take care of that for you.”
“Sorry, Supreme Chancellor, don’t know WHERE my padawan is today. I swear, I’ll lose my own hand next.”
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