Angel with a Shotgun

Angel 28 Check the links down below! UST | Mom | Work "Love keeps me alive and His love will never fail me."

[abitofangel]

I was nothing.

“I was nothing. I felt like nothing, even less than, but you changed that.” -George Zinavoy, The Art of Getting By

Right now, literally, I have goosebumps after watching the movie stated in the quote above. I saw myself in George. Depressed, disrespectful, full of doubt, untrusting, and what more, I saw my father in his mom. The pains of life I sure fear. Rejection, being left alone, unwanted and uncared for, I never want these things. The pain of seeing someone important leave you, it tears your heart. When they’re gone, they become nothing but a memory. Either that or you just forget, but forgetting is worse than having a memory. Forgetting means you cannot learn from mistakes. Forgetting means reliving it sooner or later. Forgetting means you want to replay the scene over and over again until you get it right. Forgetting is being oblivious and unintelligible. “A wise man learns from his mistakes” Be wise. Accept what has happened and move on. God would never give you anything that you can’t handle.

[abitofangel]

Merry Christmas

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

Have you ever wondered about the magic that only happens during Christmas? When you were younger, you could easily feel it as soon as a Christmas song is played or when your parents bring out the decorations. Now that you're older let me ask, do you still that joy, that "Christmas magic" do yup speak of? If the answer is yes, good for you. If not, you and I have the same situation in our hands.

During my elementary years, there were two things I looked forward to every year. First is my birthday. I mean come on. Don't tell me that when you were a kid you wouldn't be nagging your parents for a party or for a gift that you really want. Well, I always wanted to have something special for my birthday. I've only had 2 birthday parties. One when I was 3 and another when I was 5. Then a birthday that I would never forget came. My 13th birthday was by far the worst on the count of heart break. My first boyfriend ditched me for my best friend. Well, I'll blog about that sob story of woe another time. My point is that after that things weren't the same. My birthday became just another day. Another normal routine.

The same happens with Christmas as we grow older not for shallow reasons like not receiving the gift you want or you aren't able (and never will) be to sneak a peek a Santa Claus putting gifts under the Christmas tree. We don't feel the "Christmas magic" because it's either that other important things take our attention or we make it as a normal thing to do, focusing and over-thinking all of the gifts, food, and reunions.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Di ko naramdaman na Pasko na."(I don't feel like it's Christmas.) Let's dissect the sentence. First, it's stating the word "I" this is being a person of the whole community and let's assume that a few others agree making it "we" but no matter what the quantity is, it always goes back to ourselves. Second, is the verb phrase "don't feel" A negative thing obviously

[abitofangel]

“From the moment you step into the room, the people present should gaze in awe. A masterpiece with such beauty, draped with whatever clothing she fancies, smile, graceful in however way she moves. Her laugh is music, her voice when she speaks so melodious, her eyes hide any torment or pain felt, yet twinkles in the florescence. An angel, a nymph, a siren, a lady. She is one of a kind, unique, and incomparable to anyone else. I’m proud to her mine.”

If a guy told this to me, I would cry. But I wrote this.

[abitofangel]

January 2014

I was happy for once. After December 28 and January 1, my life was peaceful and filled with happiness, but being me, happiness is always short lived.

I called up my crush, let’s hide him under the name, Jasper, excitedly. I was so eager to talk to him, and tell him how much I enjoyed December 28. When he picked up my call he asked why I was calling in a tone as if it was the first time we talked. To cut the long story short, he had a case of selective amnesia. He forgot me, everything we talked about, every “date” we went on. poof gone. It made me heartbroken. One day he talks about the possibility of us being in a relationship then the next, he doesn’t even remember his pet name for me. Ouch right? But that’s not the worst part, noooooo, he makes friends with his ex acting like they were good friends after all the terrible things he did to her. Ugh. I guess, it’s better now. For him at least, but him forgetting who I was, pushed me a little to my suicidal line.

I felt so miserable that I got sick. I didn’t have the energy to study, listen to my peers, or even to play games. I just wanted to lie down on my bed and sleep everything away. My birthday was coming up in 3 weeks and I didn’t feel any sort of excitement for it. I talked to my friend, let’s hide him under the name Matt, about my problems, about how my past was haunting me again, about how I wanted to kill myself. I was so near to it too but then that in the latter of my story. I made a mistake of telling him because it made him sympathetic and he took pity on me and said that he liked me. Now this guy admitted to me once before that he did like me, but my suicidal tendencies made him to believe that he was in love with me. Which he wasn’t. Let’s just say that I made several mistakes in a short span of a week, I drank and did things that I knew was wrong, and everything went spiraling down a tube and within the same week, he left. I felt used. So my suicide seemed more appropriate.

Turns out another guy friend of mine, Jacob, not his real name, admitted as well that he was in love with me. Like I would believe him right? So for one week he continuously texted me, while I gave him the cold shoulder. But then my birthday was coming up in a week and texted something so sweet that my heart melted right into his hands. And there I was again! Hooked on to a guy. I made efforts of going to his school in Las Pinas and I came all the way from Manila and then I would go home to Bicutan. If you know those areas you would see how my effort was. On top of it all, I sprained my ankle while walking in my campus. Yup, I am a first class klutz. But even through that injury I still gave my effort to see him because I feel in love. Hard. He gave me his first kiss. But after his intrams, he left me as well. I was reaching my point of no return, yet with every week that passed, I kept clinging on to something that everything will turn out for the best.

Well, the day came. January 23, 2014. It was a Thursday. I hated it. My friends kept saying that it seemed like I resented my birthday. Well, somehow I did because if I hadn’t been born in the first place then I wouldn’t have to be living this life. The day went on as usual. Morning class, lunch, PE, then we attended youth service at Victory U-belt. During worship, I just poured my heart out. I cried like there was no tomorrow. I felt better. Then my friends surprised me with a cupcake which one of them ate. You would think, “What a jerk!” but hey I was feeling better even though he ate it. Yeah sure I was pissed, but I was quick to forgive. Suddenly from the distance, my best friend came out with a mocha roll cake. It was an awesome surprise. It was a first for me and hopefully not the last. I gave some of my friend a mocha icing facial and we had our fun. When I got home, my father bought me a cake too. My grandfather sang me happy birthday and I felt really better. My thoughts of suicide were brushed away again and I prayed that they would never come back again.

[abitofangel]

The Last Minute

At the beginning of the year, I did not expect to have NSTP since my father did not take it during his stay in UST. Our mind was set on the thoughts of paying the tuition fee of students without NSTP, but when I realized that it was required I quickly enrolled the last minute. The last minute. People these days become so busy and so hastened with our fast paced world that everything has to be done in the instant. No one slows down and appreciates the little things anymore. No one goes on a quiet walk in the park or along the beach line unless they have time to kill. No one reads leisurely anymore or writes for the love of writing. Everyone is busy, hastening, or stressed.

The other day my grandfather died. He was a great man and left not riches or power, but a good name. As his wake was commencing, I noticed that he received more flowers from people I don’t know than the other dead people in the chapel building. I was so touched to see my family reuniting since we haven’t really been there for each other. Christmas last year was very dull and New years was quiet, but our reunion during my grandfather’s despedida was truly something to remember.

I got to think of my experiencing in NSTP where we did our modules, online assignments, and group works. We did them fine, but it was always down to the last minute. Why? Why do people procrastinate and let themselves be stressed out in the last minute? I truly don’t understand, but I think it’s the rush that comes with it. The adrenaline that pumps into our veins as we race with time, but isn’t it more relaxing if we do things ahead of time to avoid rushes and stress?

During my NSTP experience I’ve learned to be responsible. I’ve learned to become a leader and to serve my team and my community. Although it was a stress sometimes to have NSTP because it collided with our other subjects in school, it was a fun experience and I am sure that I won’t forget it.

From the first module to the last fieldwork, I tried my best to serve and do well and attend all that was needed. By the grace of God, I had finished everything until the last minute. I thank Him for letting me have this experience and making me learn that everything has a time and purpose. NSTP has been used by God as one tool to help our community and to help our generation to give back what is needed from our many blessings and as this year ends, to God, forever and always, be the glory, honor, and praise.

[magbeth]

like to charge reblog to cast

[important-animal-images]

Follow @important-animal-images​​ for more important animals

[yuyuuyuyuu-deactivated20230726]

[thollandss-deactivated20231215]

reblog to send your mutuals a hug. maybe just the thought is enough to cheer them up 🥺

[speckofnothingness-deactivated2]

*Hugs* and here’s flowers for you🌻

[celestialflair]

*sending hugs and flowers and rainbows* to all cuties out there 🌻💖✨

[cdplayed-deactivated20210706]

Also a nugget for u. 🥺🤗

[lostranger-deactivated20211118]

It started with:

But ended with:

[abitofangel]

Repeat

She wakes. A new day comes and music is put on. She goes about her duties and plans. Make up, a smile, and a laugh. When the lights are off and the camera gone, She cries, turns a page, and writes a paragraph.

"They don't know when I'm alone I am weak and sad, They don't know that I live in fear of causing pain, They don't know that I am a bit mad, They don't know that I'm practically insane.

Fear stems from the past traumas, both given and received, People I once loved and cared about have flourished without me, Should I remain? Better off with I ridiculously believed, These are the lies my mind make me see."

She lays on the mattress without a nibble to eat, As she stares in a daze until the day will repeat.

[pivotpivotpivot-archive]

[humorblr]

Mood

[stydixa]

You always believed in me, man, even when I didn’t believe in myself.

[chandlermuriels]

[d-caffein-deactivated20200723]

shades of red asks

✎ let’s have some fun getting to know each other by sending any shade of red.

salmon — what is the craziest thing you have done? imperial red — if you could be reincarnated as someone or something, who or what would you want to be? maroon — what is one thing you wished people knew about you? vermilion — do you currently have a crush on anyone and if so, how would you describe them? raspberry — what’s the first thing you notice about people? sangria — if you could time travel, when would you go? scarlet — if you had to pick a new name for yourself, what name would you pick? indian red — if your life was a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack? fire brick — give me one word that describes you. redwood — 5 things that make you happy? candy apple — 5 things that upset you? persian — what is your favorite childhood memory? mahogany — if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? burgundy — are you a coffee or tea person? barn red — are you easy to get along with? chili red — what are your pet peeves? carmine — what do you say during awkward silences? desire — if you are being extremely quiet, what does it usually mean? hibiscus — what life lesson did you learn the hard way? crimson — do you believe in second chances? why, or why not? rust — what do you feel right now?

[abitofangel]

Pagtingin: Another Perspective

A story of blossoming love and gambling at high stakes. You can either win or lose it all. This is the message of the Filipino band Ben & Ben in their song Pagtingin. Ever since the song’s music video was released mid of 2019, it has become one of their most popular and relatable songs the band ever produced.. It touched the hearts of hopeful romantics and gave them the courage to confess their love for people they have their eyes on. However, what if the song was not only relatable in the context of pursuing love, but also in saving a friendship?

There are two sides on a coin. Let’s say that a person, why don’t we call them Sam, did confess their feelings to someone who is precious to them, someone they have known for a long time. This other person, let’s call them Taylor, reciprocates those feelings, but not to the extent of changing their relationship from friends to lovers. Taylor now has fear of hurting Sam and risking their friendship and this is where we find ourselves in the theme of Pagtingin.

'Pag nilahad ang damdamin Sana 'di magbago ang pagtingin

'Wag mo akong sisihin Mahirap ang tumaya

Bakit laging ganito? Kailangang magka-ilangan Ako ay nalilito

It’s true that confessing your love to someone takes a lot of bravery because you are risking losing the person, but it also takes courage in rejecting a person’s feelings to prioritize yourself and what you want. There’s is nothing wrong with loving whether it be someone else or yourself. The decision of pursuing someone or rejecting the pursuit itself is entirely subjective and you should fully commit to involving yourself with another person when you know you are ready for it. 

Iibig lang kapag handa na Hindi na lang kung trip-trip lang naman

Pahiwatig Sana 'di magbago ang pagtingin

Whatever decision a person makes, it’s always best to just go for it rather than having a lot of “what ifs” and “I should’ves.” Better to regret things that a person has done than the things that they didn’t do. Every experience will be a lesson and will make you stronger.