I’m writing this letter to you because it’s Father’s Day. I know I’ll never send it to you but this seems like a good a day as any to try and get everything off my chest.
I used to always dream that you would miss me so much you’d come home for me. I’m not saying I was unhappy with my nanny, because I definitely wasn’t, but a lot of the time I felt like your occasional visits and weekly phone calls just weren’t enough.
The truth is I missed you. I happily spent the beginning of my childhood with you and mam. When you started travelling more for work I was happy for you, I really was. I wanted to see you achieve your dreams and when you became successful I was so proud.
Watching your careers take off was incredible because I knew how much both of you deserved it. You worked so hard and occasionally seeing you both on tv was exciting at first.
I guess eventually the fancy house and expensive presents just didn’t fill the gap you made when you left. I see you on screen more often than I do in real life and it hurts. I tried so hard not to be bitter, I still do. I know you never meant to hurt me and leaving me with family seemed like the best thing to do. In all fairness it probably was.
Still a part of me wishes I could tell you this to your face rather than writing you a letter you’ll never see. But I never will because I wouldn’t know how to. I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore. It’s all smiles and small talk and not knowing whether you really know me or want to. I didn’t even tell you I wanted to attend this college until I was already here. I wanted to succeed alone. I wanted to make you proud.
I admire you I really do. I look up to you and truly I do love you. Or at least I love the person you used to be. Really I loved our family and I hope someday we can be one again.
Anyways happy Father’s Day. I hope you like the gift I sent you, if your assistant manages to give it to you. Maybe someday we’ll celebrate the day together again.
